I need stability and security in my life anons. I have this crippling

I can relate to lots of that. You familiar with the psych terminology "fear of abandonment"? Could maybe be tied up with that. Steer clear of all the Borderline (BPD) stuff, you'll get a lot of hits on that because fear of abandonment features prominently in that one apparently. A self-help style book on codependency might be worth a read. Wish I could help you more man.

>>17556555
Checked. Thanks anon any help is appreciated

>>17556555
Looking into this anon, definitely strikes a chord. Especially "object constancy". However, would this explain my emotional and mental total hibernation in the absence of my SO? Even if it explains my fear, terror and lack of intrinsic security, stability and comfort

>>17556560
Np. Seems like it all mainly comes down to 2 things: being aware and giving a shit. You sound introspective as fuck so the awareness part ought to be a snap for you to get the hang of. Might take a bit of practice with it to start seeing results but be patient and keep at it. All it entails really is making the effort to notice when your mind is going panicmode and stopping to reassess so you can chill yourself out. Example:
>the slightest changes in how my SO talKS or acts or communicates creates vast reverberations across my emotional landscape
Take a breath, tell your emotions to fuck off and hit the pause button for a few min, and analyze the situation. Try to imagine yourself as a third party. "What would my best friend think is going on?" is a good one if your best friend has good judgment and isn't a jackass. Is there perhaps a simpler explanation than whatever end of the world scenario has gone auto-play in your head? The answer is usually yes. Does whatever change you perceived even have anything to do with you? More than likely not. If you can get in the habit of deliberately calming yourself down when you recognize the need to stop and think about things rationally for a few seconds, you'll be much more able to handle little stressors like that.

Now as for the giving a shit part, specifically referencing stuff like
>unless I'm actually physically with this person I basically feel nothing but unhappiness and occasionally anger, and I CRITICALLY neglect myself and my surroundings until I get to see my SO again.
The awareness bit comes into play here as well insofar as needing to be able to recognize when you're doing the "fuck it, what's the point?" thing, but after that it's all about giving enough fucks to will yourself into action. I've not quite gotten that part down yet myself but from what I gather, discipline and sheer willpower are more key than motivation. Maybe. Play around and see what works (and ffs let me know if you figure it out!)

>>17556573
See, that's the thing. You can find page after page and article after article about the supposed mechanics behind what's going on, but there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of specifics on what to do about any of it. I suppose it's got to be a more personalized thing and that's what therapists are for and yadda yadda yadda, but even those dudes must be operating from a set of guidelines and established patterns of "this works, this doesn't, this might" so where's that stuff? Lol kinda going off on a tangent here but yeah - I'm still stuck at that step myself so the best I've got for you is to look into the codependency thing a bit and then just start trying stuff. Or talk to a therapist, that works for some people too of course.