Hey, /adv/, I have need of some wisdom. I've been fighting

>>17556166
Go to the police.
You can't risk it. If you love your family and want them to live, go to the police station.

>>17556180
the police might not be able to do much since he probably hasn't committed a crime yet

OP, talking to a medical professional is going to help you in the long run

>>17556166
Suicide is always an option.

>>17556166
please take my word for this
get tested for the genetic mutation MTHFR
it indicates a defected folate metabolism and has a strong link to clinical mental illness including schizophrenia, bipolar, depression, anxiety, or cardiovascular disease depending on the site of the mutation
it's treated easily by the correct vitamin supplement specifically for the mutation (folate in it's active, converted form)
a large amount of the population is thought to have it but it generally goes unacknowledged
after i found out i had MTHFR i began taking a supplement for it
it's been about a year and all my mental shit is almost completely gone except for when i forget to take my vitamins. it's definitely a night and day thing.
especially if medication has never really worked for you i beg you to please get the test done. discovering and treating this problem changed my fucking life please give it a try for the sake of your family

>>17556292
The hell is an mthfr?

>>17556166
Have you told your psychiatrist that you're still having trouble with symptoms? You don't have to tell them "i have thoughts of murdering my family", just say "i still have trouble with intrusive thoughts, what can we do about this?"

How are you doing on medication? Taking it regularly, side effects not too bad?

Remember that the goal is to manage it at home, you can't live in a psych hospital for the rest of your life anyway. With medication it's usually possible to get it mostly under control to the point where danger to family is only minor (no mass murder-suicide risk at least).

>>17556292
This is actually rock-solid advice. The mutation is a big contributor to all cluster-A disorders. I have it as well (i'm schizoid) and taking the 5-MTHF has helped. In fact, iirc the effect is so strong that it even reached clinical significance in trials of non-screened schizophrenic patients (ie it helped those with the mutation enough to push the effect above significance despite obviously not helping those without the mutation at all).

>>17556301
It's a defect in the 5-MTHF reductase enzyme that makes it crappier, basically. It's part of a big-ass biochemical pathway, and it's one of the rate-limiting steps.
The defect means it can't re-methylate SA-homocysteine back to SA-Me as effectively, so homocysteine builds up in the brain. Since homocysteine is toxic and damages parts of neurons, this is a big fucking problem.

Not all schizophrenics actually have this mutation, so keep in mind that this may not apply to you at all. You should get a genetic test to determine it: your psychiatrist can offer a specialized psych panel, or you can also get a general test from 23andMe and run that through promethease yourself (either way, do talk to your shrink about it).

>>17556330
Yes, I have, and all it's gotten is me thrown into hospitals and swallowing an anti-psychotic cocktail every night. There was a minor amount of time where things seemed be improving before sliding back down and the doctors admitting that they aren't sure I won't go totally deluded.

I'm looking into the MTHFR thing that one of the anons recommended, but I don't know if my insurance will cover it (I have no income because no one wants to hire a known danger). I'm already swimming in debt because of the medication and doctors visits.

>>17556344
what country are you in?
in the 1st world you shouldn't be tossed into a psych hospital at first glance, since the goal is outpatient treatment unless strictly necessary.
Are you seeing a psychiatrist and taking medication regularly, at least?

also your insurance won't cover the full genetic test (it's $250 or so).
It may or may not cover the psych panel (which is more like $2500 since insurance is meant to pay for it)
thankfully the 5-MTHF is relatively cheap since nobody owns the rights: if you can't afford the tests, you can try just taking it anyway, since the side effects are relatively mild.

>>17556364
Good old America, where if you aren't rich, then fuck you. I'm seeing a psychiatrist and taking pills every 12 or so hours.

My insurance is absolute garbage though, it doesn't cover nearly anything because fuck me.

>>17556370
yeah i'd suggest telling your shrink about it. Play it like your symptoms are almost completely under control, that you just have a little bit further to go. Not like the treatment's been a failure, since they'll want to send you back in, but that it's almost completely successful and you just have a bit further to go.

Ask them about clozapine, it's pretty much the best medication available, and you certainly qualify for it.

Also try ordering some 5-MTHF and trying it for a month or two, it's worth a shot.

>>17556387
I was on Clozapine for a while, but it was making me extremely ill. It had gotten to the point I was having to make trips to the ER because I'd get dehydrated from throwing up or having really bad seizing episodes.

I'll look into the MTHF though. Any particular place you recommend ordering from?

>>17556393
i use methylpro, it's the most common one.
15mg/day works (there's no standard dose, the approach in these situations is "take a shit-ton to make sure it's enough")

>>17556408
Ok, thank you so much for the help.