my gf is really bad with communication. she bottles everything

you're correct that good communication is crucial, and is potentially a dealbreaker. Why do you think her communication is shit, though?

>>17540594
because she holds herself back from me. she's not open with her feelings, and worse yet she lies to me about them, she tells me everything is okay when I can see it's not and then she bursts out after telling me for a half hour she's okay. it's so frustrating.

>>17540566
>she bottles everything up inside and insists nothing is wrong when she's upset
>the old "don't even come tomorrow"

That's not bottling it up, buddy. That's the silent treatment. She knows you know she's upset and blocking you out is her way of saying, "Go stand on the naughty step and think about what you did until mummy is nice again."

>>17540681
why would she burst and say them eventually, then?

if she was truly degrading me like that to make a point I wouldn't want to be with her anyway. that's immature petty bullshit.

>>17540749
>why would she burst and say them eventually, then?
Either
(a) The silent treatment doesn't look like it's working well enough on you, i.e. you aren't begging her to talk to you, or
(b) She can no longer resist her urge to scream at you.

>>17540768
I literally am begging for her to talk to me. i'm begging for her to tell me her feelings, that's my point. open honest and calm communication is so pivotal and important to me and I don't feel like I'm always getting it.

>>17540801
Then it's the latter.

Do you really like to beg? Leave, man, before you're in even deeper and can't.

>>17540566
I learned my lesson not to do this with my first boyfriend at 17. I was feeling upset at him for horning in and 'stealing' my group of friends, but said nothing. Then I had an outburst out of nowhere, acted like a complete cunt with seemingly zero provocation, and made myself look like an asshole to him and everyone else.

Now I immediately tell everyone what's up the second I feel it. If I'm being nuts? It's better to get out my crazy thoughts ASAP before they marinate and become set in stone. If I took something in a bad way? If I tell you, maybe I'll see that's not how it was intended and it becomes a moot issue.

But NO ONE IS A MIND READER. And it sounds like she's got some serious growing up to do.

But my question is, I'm giving her more chances. It would be wrong to say something like "this needs to change or I'm done," right? Like she knows this needs to be done differently for me, I've told her. I don't need to say something like that right?

>>17540801
I don't really see the big issue here. She is telling within a reasonable time (e.g. you mention 30 minutes later). She just takes some time to stew a bit on it. Next time this happens maybe say "Hey I know something is upsetting you, and it is really important to me that you communicate whats upsetting you. Its okay if you need some time, but it really is important to me."

You can also try suggesting communicating in alternative ways. For example writing a letter or email. Maybe having the ability to carefully write her thoughts down will help without the pressure of you being right there. Good luck!

>>17540886
I literally have said that in so many words, calm and forward. sometimes in the past i have assumed she's upset when she wasn't, so i tell her calmly to tell me when she's upset. i even have told her "hey, if you don't want to talk, that's fine too. just say that, but don't say everything is fine when it isn't."

as far as other methods of communication, she does this over text too. she will just send one word responses, not being a real part of conversation. it's drastically different from her usual text speech and I can tell when something is bothering her, but still, i get this.