My step son eats cookies for breakfast, doesn't eat any

Why are you ordering your 12 year old son fast food? Apparently cooking him a meal is too much to ask.

Also if you and your son have a sour relationship and he is only 12, time to call it quits pal.

Why did you marry a woman with a kid in the first place? Get out of there.

There is so much more to this story that you are not telling us.

However if that's how this woman raises her child, this utter lack of genuine care must be showing up in other areas of her life, hence the reason why you want to separate.

I hope you aren't asking for permission or validation to leave this woman.

I say go, if you want.

>>17535314
Yes, as a woman she has a natural extreme attachment to her son, and it seems she cant separate whats good for him from what makes him happy. If you know her well enough that your sure she will blame you for her sons failure at life and wont see reason before it's too late, (cos that's where it seems to be going), then run. And tell her the reason why too. Cos you didn't want the the blood on your hands from letting her neglect her child to death with ignorance (phrase it more nicely of course)

start incentivizing shit. say if he will eat a decent meal he can do something he likes to do. if he doesn't, he can't. if you don't put your foot down he will never learn.

>getting married

>to a woman who already has a kid

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

god damn op

you couldn't have goofed any harder

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Literally my wife's son

>>17535342
>Yes, as a woman she has a natural extreme attachment to her son, and it seems she cant separate whats good for him from what makes him happy.

And women like this are considered a priority for child custody cases.

>>17535329

I don't order him fast food. I don't decide what he eats at all. Whenever I do buy him something I call my wife and ask her how to handle it.

I ask her what I should get him and 95% of the time she tells me to ask him what he wants.

I can't cook. It's not even that I don't want to , I can't even cook for myself but every time I try I fuck it up. I seriously suck so bad at cooking I screw up spaghetti and rice.

>Also if you and your son have a sour relationship and he is only 12, time to call it quits pal.

I hear that and believe it. I just never have because my wife doesn't want that. I mean other than that though the family is cool. I just treat him more like an older brother and he stays out of my way.

>>17535334

>Why did you marry a woman with a kid in the first place? Get out of there.

Well, We met when I was young and extremely stupid. I didn't have what it takes to break it off at the moment so we just have been together ever since. I know you have a point but point is this is where it's at now.

>>17535337

>There is so much more to this story that you are not telling us.

True but I"m not trying to fill a thread with a bunch of tl;dr stuff and I don't have time for all that.

>>17535342

I basically agree totally with this. I know her emotions get in the way of her being a good mother and doing what's logically right but at the same time you understand I do love her. I know this. I love her but know things are weird.

>>17535343

I could give that a shot but she will interfere. I have tried and she gets in the way. Maybe I can come up with a plan though.

>>17535345
>>17535352

Well, I mean it ain't that bad in my opinion. I have no problem with being involved with a woman that has a kid. It's HER that's really the problem and I know this. I wish she was a better mother.

>>17535314
I always tell blended families that I work with to have the step parent stay the fuck out of discipline unless the kid both has no memory of the divorce and no contact with the absent parent.

If she wants to let the kid eat shit, let him eat shit. I'd bet real money, though, that your relationship is soured at least partially because you tried to be the boss and instead made yourself the villain.

>>17535363

I do have my faults I'm sure. I can understand why me and him don't get along. I don't even want to force him to like me or get along with me. That's not what I"m after and not at all what I think is a problem.

It's the fact there very seriously my wife will HATE me with a serious passion that will cripple her and me if we stay together if her son get permanently messed up physically.

>>17535377
You're saying she's irrational, externalizes blame, and that you're not terribly happy? Why are you still with this woman?

>>17535412

Well, the reason I'm still her is really because things really aren't all that bad. At this point in time things aren't bad enough to jump ship for. I'm not irresponsible. Me wanting opinions on leaving are for what I see are "things to come" when he really does get sick. If he gets seriously ill, in her mind she will put a lot of the blame on me. This is what I believe of course not certain.

I asked her earlier today if this happens if she would resent me. Her response was "I don't know". I asked her if she could put a bit more thought into it and at least come up with some sort of more gathered response. She just said she doesn't know.

That's how she is, and that's not why I would leave her. She's dumb as fuck in certain regards just as I am. Her response of "I don't know" does tell me enough. It tells me she can't say "no". She can't say that she wouldn't resent me. That's a problem. I feel like I know her better than her.

>>17535432
I'm not sure what to tell you. You know the answer, but you want someone else to make the call. Best of luck to you.

>>17535446

Well, nah, I won't listen to any single answer from /adv/ but you guys are smart like I am so I look at every one's response and it will help me guage my analysis and help weigh out my judgement. It's all just to help me. It's advice not directions. Advice always helps. I could waste my time browsing Dailymail but bottom line is everything I've read on this page has helped me a bit in my brain. I'll take it in and let my brain think about this overnight. I'm sure the real answer will come to me eventually.

Thanks a lot to everyone.

If she continues to spoil him like this, he will have a hard time adapting to a normal diet and will turn into a spoiled brat and will be resistant to any change which is going to be difficult to fix.
Next time, go with the doctor and explain them what's actually going on instead of letting her do all the talking.

A doctor cares and will do their best to explain why her habits of letting him do this will only turn things for the worse.

If this continues after doctor visit, I don't think it'll be easy to live with a step son like that.

You're jealous of her kid.

If you actually cared about him, you would be finding a solution to these problems. Instead you just ignore him and alienate him.

You'll never be #1 with a good mother. Not even if it's your own kid.

Get over it or leave because you're fucking up that kid for your own selfish needs.

>>17535490
wat?

>>17535555

>I firmly against this, always have been and my wife knows.

You've already told her how you feel about it. What else can you do?

>She has always spoiled him and enables this.

You've always known it was a problem and you still continue to try and change their relationship instead of being a part of it.

>Me and him don't get along the best. Our relationship has always been a bit sour because of a bunch of stuff.

This is where I can tell there is way more than what you're saying.

>Lately he has started getting constant migraines and my wife is going to take him to the doctor to get x rayed and whatever else it takes to see what's up.

Are you going to go to the appointment or have you taken any interest besides telling the mom you don't like it and ignoring the kid?

>She came to me and asked me to attempt to be as nice as possible to him to not stress him out. I said alright even though I really don't know what to do because bottom line is me and him literally don't even talk at all as a result of what I said earlier that "our relationship is sour".

Do you make any effort to have a relationship with this kid or did you just show up in his life and treat him as baggage you have to deal with as soon as you didn't get your way?

>I just tell the same couple things I ever tell him every time I see him, which is to fill the dogs bowl with water or do a simple chore here and there. That's it.

That answers my previous question.

>Bottom line is I can tell that if her son gets sick (I see this as inevitable given his nutrition for his entire life) she will blame me and hate me for the rest of her life and I don't want that.

This is just a load of shit on so many levels. You're upset that you're not getting your way. That is all I see in this whole post. Nothing makes me think you even want that kid around.

>Is this a legitimate reason to separate?

For her.

Hope I cleared that up.

>>17535684

I'm on my phone now so can't respond to well.

He likes being spoiled and she likes spoiling him. If they're cool I'm cool. I used to want to help man him up and teach him a while back but gave up on it.

I'm no going to the appointment. If I want to fight her and start some drama about taking control of this kid's life I would do that at home and not at the doctor's office. I tried to talk sense into her, that's all I have the patience for. They're happy and Im just here as a witness and am fine with that.

>>17535731
If you're fine with it then why make a thread if you should leave her or not?

I bet it would make her extremely happy if you found some way to be a part of his life. Even just his friend.

Good luck whatever you do.

>>17535751

The thread wasn't about the current situation. It was about a possible future scenario changing the relationship.

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>>17535731
Bro. Here's the thing. He's not your fucking kid! This is the fattest problem you got and you probably can't see it.

When I got my first job, my brother put in a good word. After I got that job, my manager would contact my brother if anything went wrong instead of me. Im trying to relate something here lol.

Anyway, the kid isn't yours and you have to ask your wife what you need to do with him. It's almost like your fighting him for your wife at times. The way you talk about this 12 year old kid is crazy man. Imagine he was your own blood, and had a step father like you. Imagine he was your own blood, wouldn't you be more empathetic and take the issues into your own hands? Cook him meals, teach him to like veggies?

Idk the exact issue here so I'll name out some stuff I sense from the post.

1) you despise your wife and this kid for taking away the gratitude of raising your own child that you made with another women. This is your fault. Your resentful because you made a wrong decision, never too late to find love.

field too long.

>>17535776
2) Youve yet become close to this kid because your wife hasn't set up the boundaries, doesn't call you dad, doesn't Respect you enough to raise the kid. At that point the kid doesn't respect you either. This is also your fault. Why would you call the mom 95% of the time you do something with the kid? Become competent,read some father books.. Obviously you know what's best for him reguarding food.

3) you hate your childhood and him having a good one would make u sick. The kid is fucking twelve man. You and him have a sour relationship because your not willing to take him out and play ball or watch him on the swings. Anything to bond with the kid. He's probably lonely as fuck without a real dad and at 12 he's still learning so much shit. Seriously man you gotta grow up here and be the bigger person cause obviously he's not gonna say, "George, I'd like to get some coffee with you" he's 12 Lol. And your wife obviously is broken and doesn't know what to do either. She's probably a shitty mom but I bet she's trying her best. Maybe it would help if you took some of the load.

So read some dad books, be the bigger person. If you think it's reason for divorce then do it but you may never get over this hurdle until you go all out and become a father to this child and repair the damage between all three of you. No more phoning your wife, instead believe that you are helping her by doing things and giving her a break. She's not a single mom with a kid, shez a married mom with a son, and your a married FATHER with a son. Play your role before you give up, put it all out there and if it fails you'll know it's not because of you. Then that's the right time to leave.

You're not his dad, not sure how this is any of your business.

>>17535776
>>17535779

Bottom line is I can tell that if her son gets sick (I see this as inevitable given his nutrition for his entire life) she will blame me and hate me for the rest of her life and I don't want that.

Is this a legitimate reason to separate?

This is the question I really wanted opinin/advice on. It's towards the end of the op.

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>my wife's son

>>17535802
Think about the divorce process, and the lawyer asks you
>Why do you want to leave your wife?
It really seems like you want validation to leave her. I mean, go ahead because it's your life and you can just state irreconcilable differences, and never see either of them again

Pro tip OP

She will never love you as much as she loves her child

>>17535813

Pretty sure we wont need a laywer.

>my wife's son

Too overused, try again.

I lived exactly the same thing, but the kid was a little younger.

The fact is : you live together. If things are not going alright by everybody in the house, especially those who bring the money, it won't be alright!
I personnally did this : I talked about all the shitty behaviour of the son and the spoil and that I don't want it like that, that I didn't want to have a sucky teenager to support, even more so that it's not my son and I have not chosen him.

My partner acknowledged and we worke don it together because she knew I was right.

If she hadn't, I would have left her.

You cannot stay in a place where you constantly frown upon things you have no saying about, that's not a good life. You have the right to make things work your way in your home, and if the partner doesn't agree with your ways at all, then you're not made to live together.
Fucking woman with kids...

However it did well here and I'm very happy I did stand for what I believe is the right way to raise a kid.