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Alright here's my situation:
>be autistic guy 4 years ago
>meet really shy girl who's in my class
>become close friends
>she wants a relationship although she's too shy to admit it
>really shocked, I decide we should try
>break up after two weeks cause I can't handle the pressure
>become friends and enemies in intervals
>fast forward to present, she becomes my friend with benefits because we wanted to lose our virginity and we decided it was meant to happen with each other (she actually approached me with this)
>keep having regular sex and going out but no serious stuff
Knowing her she's falling for me once again. I made it clear that I don't see her as something more than a friend aka I'm not in love with her, she said she doesn't mind.
Here's the deal: I have huge guilt and I really don't know how the fuck to handle this. I really care for her, she's a good girl and I'm really jealous when she brings up a boy and stuff, but I don't love her. I feel like I'm hurting her although she denies this (I tried to end it and she cried all night long, later I apologized and explained what I really thought about the whole thing and apparently we mixed things up).
What the hell do I do? I really like her and I want her there for me because I'm an egocentric fuck but I know perfectly that this won't work for long. I'll want to see another girl eventually, and she must do so as well with other guys but she just wants me.
She has told me in occasions that she feels like I used her, it's really intoxicating my head. Thanks for reading, I needed to get this out.
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>>17533724
This is a tough one because she's a nice girl. I get it, some piece of shit you could just cut up and have no guilt. You are using her now and it is hurting her. Not the first time, but this ongoing fucking when you know she digs you and you will bail first sweet thing that crosses your path. Have that end it chat again but stop telling her you care for her and like her and get jealous because that sounds like a guy that wants her.
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>>17533738
Well that hurted. I really do care for her although I know it doesn't seem like it, we had a lot of history together and I it's really hard for me to do this.
Yes I know it sounds like bullshit but believe me, we went through a lot and I need her as much as she needs me. Every time we break up I regret it and go after her or vice versa. I do hate myself for this.
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>>17533765
But OP it's not fair to her in the long run because you don't want her.
That said, consider that love and companionship comes at you in many ways and and it is nearly impossible to find a person that loves and supports you and loyal forever. Doesn't take your breath away but it's solid.
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>>17533785
Yeah you're right, I'm not 100% sure I don't "love" her. It's hard to explain, I feel like something's missing in her. Like she doesn't fully understands me and she just wants me because she's lonely... I kinda do too.
We're from different backgrounds and our interests are polar opposites, we just don't have much in common and our talks consist in fighting about stupid stuff we said, semi flirting or homework.
I just feel like there must be more to this. Maybe I'm too confused to know what to even do.
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>>17533811
Polar opposites is fine, different backgrounds is fine. Yin/Yang. Make a deal with her. Try something you like and you try something she likes. I would guess she understands you better than anyone else
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>>17533837
I could try that. Not completely sure it'll fix things up but I'll give it a chance. I like how pure she is, she just cares and continues to show kindness for me even though I hurt her before. I'm too fucked up, don't think I deserve her.
We're actually in a good situation right now, we joke and hang out without any issues but this constant feeling of not sharing the same kind of affection eats me from the inside and I have to ask for help in an anonymous imageboard at one am.
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