I love my gf. Damn it I love her and I admit I want to be with

>>17527960
You're seeing it in the wrong perspective.
Some girls with familiar problems ("daddy issues") look for a father figure and end up in relationship with older people.
It's not the relationship that fucks them up, it is the daddy issues that fuck them up and so they seek the older guy.
So, no, no marks.
If she is an okay person, maybe, she just liked him and was happy with him.

Do you mind the fact that she had a relationship before you, or the fact that he was older? What's exactly the problem?

>>17527973
Her father went away to work abroad when she was little and she told me that really messed her.
I know she had some daddy issues.

The issue is that a 16 years old girl was in a long relationship of 4 years with a man 10 years older than her.
I'm afraid that left some permanent marks on her psyche, on her behavior, on her romance.

I'm feeling that no matter what I'll ever do (or any other boyfriend of her for that reason) will always be behind that one man who was her all for 4 years.

I think it speaks for itself that her love life in the following 3 years (she broke up at 20, she's 23 now) has been disastrous. She had 2 other boyfriends afterwards, broke up with them after a short time and now I'm the third boyfriend and I can already see cracks.

I'm obviously insecure about our relationship (and her previous relationships and why it never worked) and I can't help but feel it's all related.

>>17527996
>I'm afraid that left some permanent marks on her psyche, on her behavior, on her romance.
Why? What horrible things can a older man do that a younger mind possibly couldn't?
Actually in my experience guys in their late 20s are much nicer and much more considerate then guys in their early 20s.

>I'm feeling that no matter what I'll ever do (or any other boyfriend of her for that reason) will always be behind that one man who was her all for 4 years.
It is normal that a long term relationship changes you and sets a standard. It isn't really a matter of the age of the other guy.
Maybe she is just not completely over him. Still, very little to do with his age.

What "cracks" do you see?

>>17528007
>>17527996
Insecurities aren't the end of the world, but you really shouldn't battle with them by yourself. If you really are in it for the long run, then it might be worthwhile to either confront the issue. It might not be smart to talk with her immediately about it, cause you might phrase your concerns in a way which might make her feel that you are blaming her for it. Remember that there are people who have had previous relationships before their current ones. Your dads dinky might not be the first/only one that has crushed your moms puss. You said it yourself that she has issues about her father being absent in her earlier years, so that there is a perfect proof about how everybody has at least one thing that can be considered a mental hangup. Also it is perfectly normal to have feelings even if they are negative/painful.

One final thing. Remember that a relationship is two people wanting to support each other in their own lives. Separate but the same kind of thing. Neither one owns the other.

>>17527960
Actually OP I agree with you. This guy raised her and molded her into what he wanted. That is why a guy 10 years older grabs a teen with an absent father and this girl obviously hasn't totally worked through who she is without him. What you haven't told us is if it was a good or bad relationship or why it ended.

>>17528007
Well the most obvious "crack" is that none of her relationships after the 4 year one worked. Not one. And she never showed interest in other guys ever (I knew her for a while before we got together) and it just seems that she's overall uninterested in relationships.

She mentions how she wants to be with me but works are hollow if not backed by actions.

And I know her other 2 exes. Both awesome guys and it seems most issues in her relationships stem from her.

I'm afraid to open this up because she NEVER mentions her 4 year relationship and the guy, NEVER ever, I only heard about it by chance. We openly talk about our past relationships and she never mentioned THE important relationship? That can't be a coincidence.
I'm afraid to bring this up because it might open doors into her mind that are better left closed and I don't want to ruin whatever we have going right now.

>>17528058
Yep, like I said above. She NEVER mentioned that one relationship since we're together.
I only heard about it by chance, back when we didn't know each other, and only through a conversation.

She never talked about it with me and that can't be a coincidence or just that she "forgot" about it. I love her and it kills me to see that what comes before could break what is to come, and the potential future of our relationship.
If what comes before determines what comes after, then our relationship right now is BOUND to end the same way it ended with the other guys.

I can already see it coming and it's painful because none of us were or are at fault. I know her other two exes, both are really nice and awesome guys and from what I know about her relationships, all ended in the same way, and nothing ever lasted.

>>17528069
I agree you shouldn't ask but it's not to protect her but to protect you. You have an impression of who and what she is and it is not reality. You would not be able to handle the truth. Someone knows this guy and where he is now so ask around. Was he a good guy or a thug she wanted to be with and perhaps still does. How long you been together? Cannot be long if you are number three after the long relationship ended.

>>17528069
>Well the most obvious "crack" is that none of her relationships after the 4 year one worked. Not one.
She had two relationships after that one.
They didn't work out. It happens. It is fairly normal that relationships you have during your early 20s don't really work out.

And she never showed interest in other guys ever (I knew her for a while before we got together) and it just seems that she's overall uninterested in relationships.

>And she never showed interest in other guys ever
>it just seems that she's overall uninterested in relationships.
She's with you, tho. So she must be interested in them.

>She mentions how she wants to be with me but works are hollow if not backed by actions.
And why do you think that she isn't trying to be with you?

>We openly talk about our past relationships and she never mentioned THE important relationship?
Probably it still hurts her.

Hey man, I'm 26, and I don't think that's too weird.

>>17528077
>And why do you think that she isn't trying to be with you?
As with the other past relationships of hers, she barely puts any effort at all. She only does the bare minimum to keep the relationship afloat and that's it.
And from her behavior, both from the past and now that she's with me, it's possible she isn't even aware of it.
She thinks it's all normal and fine and dandy.

>>17528087
Then have a discussion about it.
It doesn't need to be about the 26 year old dude, but you can tell her that there are some things that you aren't happy with and you should work on.
If you are thinking about marrying this girl, you should be able to have a discussion with her about the state of your relationship.

>>17527960
All females are the same.
They are vain whores who will jump on Chad's cock on the first opportunity.
It just so happened that the first Chad that made her cunt all tingly was 10 years older than her.

I eagerly await the thread where you cry to us about her cheating and how much you loved her and why she'd do that and all that nonsense.

>>17528087
OP you are thinking about this shit way too much. She will never fit the ideal you have in your head. I think it's odd of you to go talk to her ex bf's in the first place. No I take that back. You are doing it to see if you are better and if you are better she should know this and it should be easy for you to mold her into what you want. What you need to accept is that older black guy owned her and made her his bitch and that is what she'll always be. You are nothing but a distraction.

How long have you too been together? How long has it been serious?

>>17528099
>I think it's odd of you to go talk to her ex bf's in the first place.

Why? I've known her for like a year. I've known one of her exes even before that.

>>17528106
A month. We've been talking and flirting for longer but made is official for a month.

>>17528137
>A month
lol
this 4th relationship is gonna be a quick one just like the previous two.

>>17528156
I know, I can already see it happening.

How do I wrap my mind around it? How do I avoid the suffering?
Or how do I make it work? How do I get her to talk about it, make her trust me and make her get over it all?

I believe we have a real chance, if only she would LET me.

>>17528160
Get it through your skull, you're just her emotional/financial support while Chad is making her cum behind your back.

>>17528137

>A month
>Damn it I love her and I admit I want to be with her and even marry her

Right. Maybe she dated a 26 yo because age tends to make people more mature and sensible and less idiotic

>>17528160
I think you just need to relax, take a step back, don't think she is "the one" just yet. Enjoy your moments together but remember to focus on self improvement, (try lifting ?) and most importantly get a good career and work hard at it. You know the things that make you attractive to women in general. A good career and a nice body are gonna matter a lot more later on than your gf, who you love and enjoy having time with, but you know that you will live and continue to improve if she ever leaves you.

>>17528174
This.

>>17528174
We've talked and flirted for months man. It's only "official" for a month but we've discussed about it for much longer.

>>17528181
>talked and flirted for months man. It's only "official" for a month
oh man that does not sound good.

>>17528160
It's one month and you've been orbiting for a year it is not the end of the world, though you already believe her to be wife material. You having intercourse? You do not know her well at all to be this gone.

>>17528182
>oh man that does not sound good.
Kek'd

Holy shit are you saying that a human had a healthy sex life and stayed with their partner for more than just sex for the long term?

That kind of commitment to relationships is a red flag, anon. Dump her.

PS The problem is you. You're a paranoid moron and deserve to be shitposted.

>>17528181
and yet there is trouble already in paradise

>>17528205
It's a red flag that Chad is fucking her brains out behind his back.

>only dating a month
Don't worry about it you fucking retard if you really think she is going to break up with you then start prepping emotionally now
If you want this to keep going stop acting like a paranoid asshole and try to make it enjoyable

>>17528137
discussing and comparing notes about her with her ex's is pathetic

>>17528215
OP already feels something is wrong and narrowed it down to something that happened with her big black buck of an ex bf. How he thinks he can fix that is beyond me.

>>17528219
That's what I'm asking /adv/

>>17528219
>>17528244
Wait, she has a 'big black buck' as an ex?
And you're asking what's wrong?

Not only you date a stupid roastie whore, but a coalburner at that?

This guy deserves what's coming to him.
I look forward to his crying thread.

>>17528069
>none of her relationships after the 4 year one worked. Not one.

What qualifies a working relationship to you? Staying with your partner for a long time? Years? The rest of your life? Why is leaving a bad relationship, having known what a good one is, a failure? If that is your metric for measuring a good love life, then every now-single person on planet Earth is also a failure. You're going to be one of them too if you really do resent your own girlfriend for having her past life choices end up allowing her to meet and be with you in the present.

>>17528244
you cannot fix it, even if you knew for sure it was related to him. It could be she is detached with every man, including him or she may not be feeling it with you but may fall deeply in love with her next guy. Seriously it might be she isn't that into you.

I was 16 and my first boyfriend was 26. It does not leave "scars" on you ffs. Have you seen 16 year olds?? They are far from innocent flowers who are waiting for the prince. I was with my last bf for 6 years and he cheated on me. Still don't have PTSD. Stop thinking of your gf as a stupid little girl who is all broken.

Wow her next 2 relationships didn't work out and the guys were okay guys... so? Maybe they didn't have much in common and why pretend because "he's a nice guy".

90% of the problems you created yourself. The only problem I see is her half assing the relationship. Talk to her about it. There is no other solution.

Also, maybe she isn't talking about the relationship because it wasn't that important? Yeah it lasted for 4 years but that doesn't say shit. Why do people assume when you don't wanna talk about something it means it's painful? Especially if nobody even fucking asks her to talk about it, which I think you didn't. Idiot.

>>17528252
not OP but OP hasn't considered she may not feel about him the same as he does her. What OP is doing is trying to blame it on something in her past. She may like OP but not love him and never will.

>>17528266
Of course the roastie whore will rush to defend another slut.

I hope terrible things happen to both of you, I really do.

>>17528274
Or she isn't ready to say she LOVES someone after one month. Wow.

When she doesn't say I love you after a month she's a cold bitch and if she says, she said it too soon and is crazy. You can never win with these guys, geez.

>>17528281
I didn't sleep with him until I was 18. Also, he never payed me for it so I guess I wasn't a whore. Damn it.

>>17528289
Enjoy being baited by anon's joke / shitposting

>>17528289
Of course he didn't pay you outright, that would be prostitution.
You still too advantage of his financial support though.

I wonder, did you cheat with him with someone hotter, or was he handsome and rich enough that he 'made you feel like a woman'?