If you had a daughter in her early 20's, would you allow

>>17525366
I'd be genuinely worried.
Just the fact that she is living with her parents are 20 is a massive red flag.

She's in her 20s if she can't handle herself alone she has a problem

>>17525366
Yes but i wouldn't leave just so she can he alone.
I would definately talk to her about responsibilities, though (assuming i haven't before which i would have).

>>17525366
i'm assuming you are the daughter and your parents are having fits when you try to leave the nest?

>>17525366
>If you had a daughter in her early 20
god I hope not

>>17525366
What the fuck kind of question is this? If you're that worried about leaving someone at that age alone for a few days then it's clear that you as a parent failed. Even if she did have friends then you should be able to trust your own fucking daughter enough to not wreck the house/get gangbanged/whatever else.

>>17525366
once a kid is 18, thats that imo
she can do as she pleases, and if she fucks anything up shell be paying to fix or replace it. as far as something happening to her goes, any offspring of mine would be taught from a young age how to defend themselves

OP here.

For context, I've moved out before but now I'm back living at home. My mom has always been a helicopter parent. Borderline abusive, but I grew up thinking my family dynamic was normal, so I feel guilty even considering the fact that my mom may be abusive.

My dad will be leaving the state for a few days, and my mom is insisting on staying at home with me. She's claiming it's because I have "no support system", that it's not about trust, and that she's worried something will happen to me. I tried to rebut, but she yelled at me and locked herself in another room and is now giving me the silent treatment.

She hasn't been employed since I was born, and doesn't have a social life, so she rarely ever leaves the house. I'm talking about maybe once every couple of months she'll leave with my dad to go to the store, for all of 20 minutes. So I rarely get to be alone.

It's starting to drive me up the wall, especially since I feel like she's trying to become my "best friend". She's wearing the same clothes as me, trying to take over my hobbies, not allowing me to be my own person. I'm feeling suffocated. It's been like this for my whole life, and I'm worried I'll never get the chance to grow up unless I leave, and leaving is like pulling teeth. The last time I left, she stole my suitcase and was screaming at me not to leave.

>inb4 just move out
Wish I could.

>>17525426
Just move out.
There's no way you can fix the way your mom acts.
If you want reassurance that your mom is fucking weird and should leave you be yourself, you are right, but that doesn't change the fact that she won't change just because what she is doing is wrong.
As long as you are living at your parent's house, you'll have to live by their rules, doesn't matter how absurd they are.
Either accept that and keep wasting your time complaining about it, or move out and start setting your own rules for your life.

>>17525426
Mind if I ask, how were you able to move out before? Why weren't you able to stay there? Do you have a job currently?

I was in a pretty similar situation. You'll be able to break free and be your own person soon. I believe in you.

>>17525436
I want to move out so incredibly badly, but it's really just not possible any time soon. I realize that's the only way to truly gain independence and freedom from my mom, but for now I'd just like to seize this opportunity to be alone and have the chance to clear my head.

>>17525445
>how were you able to move out before?
My ex helped me move into an apartment with him across the country. That's another story, but that relationship was physically/sexually/emotionally abusive and I'm thankful to have escaped it. Now that I feel my upbringing may have been abusive, I'm just a bundle of confusion and anger and self-doubt. I'm having a hard time gathering my thoughts.

I don't have a job, and I have no way of getting a job aside from pure luck at this point.

Thank you for believing in me though, anon.

>>17525366
Depends if she's hot or not.

>>17525462
>abusive mom
>abusive ex-boyfriend
you sure sound like wife material.

>>17525481
I want to die

>>17525426
you need to keep her busy
just get pregnant and let her raise the kid
hit me up if you need some man batter i know a guy who can hook you up

>>17525462
You should really look into going to a homeless shelter without them knowing. The shelter will have resources to help you get on your feet and become more self-sufficient.

>>17525366
I don't understand what you're asking.

>>17525426
Ah. Get a job, calmly tell your mom that this is your life and that you get to make decisions for yourself. You didn't ask to be brought into this world, she brought you into this world, and it's unfair for her to treat you like a pet or a plaything. She needs to treat you with dignity. You're an adult now and she needs to respect your autonomy.

Save up enough money for a security deposit someplace and leave your parents' house. In the meantime, if things get too bad perhaps you can call on your friends to let you stay at their homes for a few days. While you're at their places, be very respectful, clean, and pitch in on food.

>>17525481
Please re-evaluate your existence if you think it's a good use of your time to bully people on an advice forum.

File: 1456921740363.gif (999KB, 245x179px) Image search: [Google]

999KB, 245x179px

>>17525540
>whiteknighting in a chinese cartoons forum

>>17525536
My only real option for employment and freedom is to just continue my education. I don't have friends anymore, no contact with my extended family (because of my mom), really I just have nowhere else to go.

Realistically, I won't be living on my own for another 3 to 5 years.

>>17525570
You can work while you're in school.

My gf is actually in a very similar situation, has to move back in with her ultra-controlling parents, her mom is a manic psycho, and so on. She just started bussing tables at night and going to class 3-4 days a week. It's a busy life but after a few months of saving up while she lives at her parent's house rent-free, she will be able to get another apartment.

>>17525670
I don't have much job experience to speak of. That in conjunction with the fact I live in a rural residential area makes finding a job here very difficult. Most of the businesses here are ma & pa shops that hire within the family. Getting out of this area is difficult and costly, and I'd spend more money commuting than I'd earn.

I check craigslist/indeed/monster/etc daily for some sort of opportunity to pop up here, but they seldom do, and I'm almost always underqualified.

>>17525366
I've been staying home alone since the 4th grade.Im not even remotely worried about her staying alone a few days

>>17525426
Move the fuck out.
Share a bedroom if you have to, but get OUT of there.

t. femanon with abusive, overprotective stay-at-home mom

>>17525366

>early 20s
>worried about being self-sufficient

If you haven't taught her any skills in order to do anything on her own and are still worried about her at that age, you probably shouldn't be parenting in the first place.

>>17525481
coward

If I had a 10 year old daughter that I didn't trust to be home by herself, then I'd consider myself a failure as a father.

>>17525366
No offense but the way you're phrasing this post kinda points to a level of immaturity. You don't need 4chan posters' caustic-ness for validation.

Your parents sound like they're being unreasonable from this description, but I'm sure they have a story too.

Just talk to them. The more you two can connect, and the less you both simmer in bitterness (with things like this), the less they'll want to antagonize you. Sit down with them and pull a "this is unreasonable" card to open up a conversation about how things are sub-optimal for both parties.
If they don't have enough respect to have that conversation, then try to talk about how you really don't feel respected as much as you think you deserve.