My wife sucks in bed. I don't think I'm the best at

>>17519618
tell her these things. If you've been together for 7 years it should be the kind of thing she's willing to work on. It's not hard to be like "I would like you to learn how to fuck better."

Also, She "can't" hold herself up or she "won't"? One of those things makes her sound like an invalid, in which case my advice would be pretty fucking insensitive.

Yeah, just tell you want to feel good too and ask if she could do whatever you think would help with that.

>>17519669
>>17519697

I ran out of space, but I have told her these things. When she gets it right, I tell her EXACTLY what she did right, but I don't think she gets it. I've tried directing her while we're in the act, but she doesn't really get what I'm saying then the moment is ruined, cause she gets caught up in her feelings of inadequacy. She doesn't take criticism well at all.

And when I say can't, I mean can't. She's not an invalid, but she can't apply inwards pressure with her thighs in order to keep them and thus, herself from sliding down till she's lying down. She's really not coordinated enough to do something like bracing for impact (this didn't sound so funny in my head) in a rhythmic manner.

She's "willing", but she also doesn't take failure or criticism well and if she doesn't feel like she can do it, she doesn't want to make the effort to. Because she hates failure, and hates the thought of being unable to satisfy me, which in turn makes her not want to have sex because "it's not good for you anyway".

I mean, I'll get this out of the way now and tell ya'll that she is overweight. I'm not in shape either, but she's heavier than I am, which she's already insecure about. The things she's unable to do are things she associates with smaller women, making it even harder to really get through to her what it is I need her to do, specifically.

If you can't tell, I've tried to have this conversation with her before, and this is how it went. Recently I've taken to just buying stuff in a sex shop. I bought some oral spray that makes you salivate for her, and so she didn't feel left out, some edible gel that makes your clit tingle. She had another mind-blowing orgasm, and I got...nada.

These threads always make me feel self conscious about me not being good in bed, then again I do try to please him, give him bjs, swallow, try to push him into me when he's on top and have no problem being on top myself, so I guess there's worse.

>>17519700
She likes vibrators and we had one before, but all that happened was she got super horny and wanted to fuck. She had a great orgasm, and I just had an orgasm. As in jizz shot out of my dick, but it didn't really feel that great. Tried anal play (on me) and, as it turns out, I don't like fingers in my butt. Tried watching porn while she sucked me off, got close, but she started getting insecure about which pornos she saw me getting turned on by. You know, associating the things happening with the size of the women and not with what the women were doing.

Liberator wedge might help for the doggystyle thing but this is one of those communication things that's gotta take place between you two, and you've both got to be willing to let go of some of the perceptions you cling to in order to help shit improve.

>>17519720
I thought of the liberator wedge, but I'm more an "in the moment" type of guy. Having to fish something like that out of the closet for sexy-time is a turn off. I've used pillows before, but even then she's not DOING anything. I've told her to try grinding into me and matching my rhythm and whole bunch of stuff and it just goes topsy-turvy and she doesn't want to do it anymore because "I suck at this stuff and I don't make you feel good anyway".

What do you mean by "perceptions" anyway?

If you think her size has to do with her not wanting to do certain things, what about telling her that? That her size is okay for you, but if she feels inadequate about it, or not good enough, maybe changing it would be the solution?

>>17519618
>wife

found your problem

>>17519748
7 years I've been telling her this. 7.

I can tell her till I'm blue in the face. She knows what she has to do, and I've offered my help her to do it, because I'm already doing it. If there's anything she's been unwilling to do though, it's to put forth the real effort it would require to effect the change she wants. But that's a thread for /fit/. I don't have a problem with her weight, she does.

>>17519714

Genuine desire to please your partner, and willingness to put in effort, are what really counts. The attitude is more important than your actual level of skill/coordination. OP's girl isn't even trying and she's too consumed by her own insecurity to even care about her partner's pleasure.

>>17519618
>But she orgasms every single time
no she doesn't.

>>17519716
>>17519758

Is the relationship any good outside the bedroom? It sounds like you're fed up, and I don't really blame you. If you haven't had any children yet, maybe you should start seriously thinking about divorce. It doesn't really sound like this is gonna last forever if things don't change, and it doesn't sound like she's WILLING to change.

>>17519772

This.

>>17519730
I mean her falling comfortably back into the familiar old mindset of "I suck at this stuff and I don't make you feel good anyway" instead of putting her big girl panties on and saying fuck it and going for it.

As for you, don't give up at the first sign of things looking irreparably fucked yet again. Like the porn thing for instance - tell her what you told us, and communicate it in a way that'll be beneficial to you both. "I barely notice who's actually on screen. I watch it like it's you and I doing that."

We get such a tremendous boost from finding out we're the cause of your boners and we somehow factor into your fantasies it ain't even funny.

You both need a boost right now. You from getting to see she wants to please you too. Her from getting to see it's actually working.

>>17519805
I've tried that with the point thing, and she didn't believe me. I don't know what it is, but I feel like she has some kind of inferiority complex, especially when it comes to white or light-skinned women. We're both black comma but my ex was white, I'm English comma and my dad dates pretty much exclusively white women. On top of that my mom is a b**** who wishes she was white really badly.

>>17519805
Porn. Speech-to-text has a mind of its own.

>>17519618
get into bdsm strap her to something and fuck her all you want.

>>17519618
Stop having frequent sex and wait until you're hornier before you do it.

And don't browse porn inbetween irl sex.

I used to screw daily but I started feeling like you, OP. I cut back to 1, sometimes 2x per week and I'm way more into it that way.

Before, it was becoming a chore. I don't want sex to be a chore.

>>17519851
We're already having sex pretty infrequently. We're busy with work, so it's usually not much more than 2 or 3 times a week. It was already something I was trying to tactfully scale back even before we got busy with work anyhow, since I wasn't enjoying it.

>>17519821
>>17519827
>comma
Made me lel

She's definitely stuck in it. Inferiority complex sounds about right to me.

Insecurity is a strange thing. It has a way of exacerbating that which it was attempting to alleviate or lessen. She's taking away the decision from you about whether she's good enough or hot enough for you or whatever, because she doesn't think she is. There's an irony there that insecure people never realize until it's pointed out to them. In their mind it's genuinely "I don't even like me, so how could anyone else? Better to save them the trouble of having to be subjected to me." and it feels like they're doing the most noble thing a person who sucks as bad as they suck could possibly do, and that doing anything else would be wrong and really rather selfish. When you're so caught up worrying about yourself you stop devoting energy to looking at shit through others' perspectives though. So the absurdity of taking it upon yourself to make decisions for somebody else who you don't think yourself good enough for is completely lost on them.

Maybe try pointing that out to her. "If the question is whether *I* find you attractive, shouldn't it be *me* who gets to answer it?"

>>17519618

Google aphrodisiacs.

>>17519877
Done and done mate.

It's worse for her because she's super-defensive about any of her faults, and quickly deflect by pointing out something YOU'VE done wrong. She's very hard to really reach, which is why I'm on 4chan asking for help.

>>17519859
Oh. IDK, maybe start hitting the gym together. My wife and I started fucking like rabbits when we were getting fit.

I should go back....

>>17520069
Last time we tried that, she got frustrated because she wasn't on my level so we couldn't actually do the same exercises. Cue "I'm sorry I'm not an athlete Anon!" all sarcastic like and refusing to come to the gym with me ever again.

I'm 210lbs with about 40% body fat. But I'm an athlete because I'm in there doing my best with SL 5x5 and she's jogging too slow to have any measurable progress.

Another anon said it and it's true, I am fed up. Which is why I'm here praying for someone to think of something I haven't.

>>17520086
do you have kids? If no, the door is open to leave.

If you have kids, idk.

>>17520089
You think I should? I don't plan to, because I don't want to give up on her. I'm trying to respect my vows, which is also why I'm not interested in an affair.

>>17520097
If you want to try a last ditch effort, I'd say go to marriage counselling/therapy.

If you don't want to go through that, then it's the end.

>>17520101
And beware: she might try to get pregnant to 'save' the marriage if she gets a hint that you might leave. Suggesting going to therapy is a big red flag, so be careful.

>>17520104
Nah, she isn't interested in stealing a baby.

I don't personally mind marriage counselling, but I don't think it'll help unless she wants to.

And not to suggest that I'm perfectly perfect, but I don't think marriage counselling is the answer. I gained some relief the other day talking to her uncle about her. He agrees that she has some problems, and went as far as to suggest they may be psychological due to her premature birth. He's spoken to her mother in the past ans apparently she thinks the same thing, less the possible-psyche-problems. I don't think it's that severe either but she does have problems, independent of whether she is in a relationship or not. Just like with marriage counselling, a shrink isn't going to help her unless she wants it. And she doesn't, she just wallows in self-loathing lashing out at people who care about her, without even realizing she loathes herself.

>>17520136
Looks like you have 3 options.
Live with it
Try to fix it until it's fixed or you decide that it can't be fixed
Leave.

>>17520147
Well I'm here for help with option 2. You telling me I've done all you can think of?

>>17520171
Almost, like I said, your last ditch thing is therapy.

I hope it works.

>>17520097
>I'm trying to respect my vows

Well, that's refreshing. Very few of us left.

Have you considered that you might have an arousal problem? Sounds like she has no problem getting off.

Sex is funny business. It's 95% in your head. It may be unreasonable for you to expect her to fix it for you. The more pressure you put on her to do so, the worse it will get for both of you.

Consider seeing a counselor yourself. What have you got to lose?

>>17520207

I know what arouses me. My member isn't as sensitive as most's, so it takes a bit more finesse. But she IS capable of getting me there, because she's done it by accident a few times, and can never seem to remember what it is she did, even if I spell it out for her.

I like to feel wanted. I like for her to take charge, but not in a dom/sub kind of way. More in a "i love the shit out of you and I'm sucking the skin off that dick" kind of way. I don't like being begged for dick, I like for her to take it. Probably cause when I'm horny, that's exactly what I do.