19/M/Cali TL;DR : What should I do to cure my anxiety/selective

When high school ended, I got a job as a cashier at a department store. I was optimistic and thought interacting with customers was my pathway to becoming a social butterfly. I figured I just needed more exposure to become socially confident and cast away my anxiety. I was wrong. Being around all these people just made me even more shy. Dealing with so many assholes and bullies opened my eyes to how scary people actually are. I used to think my social anxiety was an irrational fear, but having the experience of working in customer service made it clear to me that people are a rational thing to be afraid of.

I had also been taking classes at a community college part time while I worked. The 1st semester classes were easy, and I didn't have to socialize with my classmates at all. The teachers would simply lecture and not require the students to interact with each other. The first semester went well and I got straight As.

I was stressed out about work, but I enjoyed college and was proud of my success enough to keep myself sane. Then comes the 2nd semester. This time around, the teachers didn't merely lecture. They expected us to work in groups. The first time they had me work in a group, I was too nervous to concentrate, and I came across as a complete retard to my classmates.

I had a mental breakdown, and in a week I dropped all my classes and quit my job. I spent the summer doing nothing but mooching off my mom. I decided last minute that I would continue going to college in the fall, as I felt despicable just sitting in my room being useless all day. I don't know what I'll do if it's just a repeat of the 2nd semester. (2/3)

I want to be social, and more than anything I want a girlfriend, but I don't have the basic skills and confidence needed, and I don't know what to do to get them. People tell me to just get more exposure to social situations and to learn from mistakes, but social interaction completely breaks my mind and makes me recede into my shell even farther. What should I do? Should I kill myself? (3/3)

I'm 4 years older than you and similar in a lot of ways. What's helped is being around people and interacting with them. Don't dismiss me right away. Like you I got a job working with people, but I got one in a nursing home which is a lot better for your social skills and growth than being a cashier because people are generally asses to cashiers. A lot of old people are very patient, and grateful if you take care of them and treat them with dignity. They're so patient and often take control of conversations that it's easy to pick up social skills from them. When you're a cashier you don't get deep interaction. You're not having conversations with your customers. I know, I used to work at a place like that.

If you get a job where you're interacting with the same people every day, things might improve. I know it sucks right now, but don't kill yourself. Just make small changes and see where life takes you. Try seeing a psychologist? That helped me see things in a different light. My GPA went up by 1.0 and I started being able to participate in group work (without it being painful, it was actually fun for the first time in my life). It's awkward, but it can help if you vet the psychologist first.

I'm still a shut-in loner with issues but I'm capable of enough charisma to come across well in job interviews, maintain a romantic relationship, and to not be seen as a weirdo (some of the time). I never thought that'd be possible at your age.

When you're older the not-having-friends thing doesn't matter as much. SO many people who had friends in high school and college lose touch with them, move to different cities, and find themselves alone all of a sudden. You'll be in a better spot than them because you'll have learned to manage being alone. If you work on yourself and develop interesting solitary hobbies (making you an interesting person) you can connect with those people in a few years. Most people are also so much less judgmental over small oddities as they age.

Opie I think you need someone to talk to. Well here's your thread, now's the time to do it

Do you ever think you'll have a gf, and be able to fuck her? Not now, you fucking loser. Git gud at being a normalfag if you wanna do normal things, or you could be a based guy, and just do your thing. Fuck.

>>17493211
>>17493229
OP here. Sorry for the late response. I had to walk my dogs.

Thanks for your input.

One of my biggest hang-ups is that I'm half Japanese (and half white). I initially omitted this fact because I know 4chan is home to a lot of alt-right people who wouldn't give me a serious answer if I included this, but I feel it needs to be said in order to get a full picture of why I feel so hopeless.

Physically, I'm at a very huge disadvantage. I'm a meager 5'6 and 110 lbs. I'm also sure you've all seen the statistics showing Asian men as the least desirable race in America. The way I see it, I'm pretty much the exact opposite of what women are physically attracted to, so I've never even attempted to get a girlfriend, as I know pretty much any guy, even a lazy fat guy, is viewed as more desirable than me.

Personality-wise, I don't feel like I have much room for growth. East-asians are stereotypically and realistically the most shy, submissive, risk-averse ethnic group in America. Unlike black men, who can shamelessly catcall any beautiful girl they see on the street, an East-Asian guy is programmed to be as invisible as possible, and would die of embarrassment if a girl responded negatively to him. I'm convinced this is an unchangeable genetic trait. Every East-Asian American guy I've seen, including myself, is like this.

All in all I've been dealt a very shitty hand in life, and I know it's for the most part useless to complain, but I guess I just wanted to know how others perceive my situation.

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>>17493944

>Unlike black-men, who can shamelessly catcall any beatiful girl they see on the street

Black anon here, that's bullshit lol but okay its cool

>>17494290
Sorry if that sounded racist. I meant that in a good way. I would love to have a don't-give-a-fuck attitude and be able to approach any girl I wanted. Obviously there are exceptions, but generally speaking it appears that black men are a lot more aggressive with their approach, and it pays off well for them.