It's one of those threads again. Usually I'm the one

A good education, a well-paying job, an image. Being a member of society. Being a man.

For a long time (about 7 years), since I had to actual experience or advice from a male role-model, I tried to learn seduction. I knew I wanted women and I needed to figure out what they want. I figured it out. How attraction works, what to do and what not to do et cetera. What I found out was that this only worked on so-so attractive women. And I don’t even think it worked, I was just way out of their league (look-wise) so they slept with me.

Now I want hotter women. And it’s a completely different ballgame. They want so much more in a man; confidence, logistics. A vital part which I am lacking.

I am lacking confidence because I am so dependent on other people. I am not happy if I am not feeling loved or appreciated. For some reason I can’t appreciate myself. I guess confidence comes from fulfilling yourself and realizing your potential and striving to develop that potential into skills; passion. This is what truly creates an attractive man; his own belief that he is worth investing into. Since he is convinced that he is worth it, he will radiate this “message” and women will pick up on that. He is focused on himself and his potential to contribute to society. Skills, knowledge, power are gravitating (the true meaning of attraction) towards him. Women will follow. Cont.

I can’t focus on the now. I’m so caught up in what I’ve lost. Sure, you say, just focus on the now from now on then. Catch up! And here lies another problem: I’m terrified that it will be too late. I will be old, washed up, dating whatever is left over. The young, attractive women will all be taken or just way too young for me. Why would a hot 18-23 year old woman date a successful 33-something year old man when she can date a successful 25-year old man? A man that didn’t waste shit-ton of time feeling sorry for himself for losing 20 years to a shitty parent tormenting him? He will have everything that I have plus his youth. A future.

“Why are you so caught up on women? Just live your life, man!”
This ties up to the first problem. I need to feel appreciated. And nobody on earth can show that appreciation better than a loving woman. A turned on woman. This all develops into a never-ending circle of my own self-implosion and I’ve run out of ideas. I just can’t do it anymore. I force myself not to burst into tears of desperation each night. The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because I know it would break my mum’s heart. And the fact that I do get some women…occasionally. Cont.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? I just started studying and I quit all the hard drugs and alcohol and I picked up my old dusty violin again. I go the gym regularly and I’ve started counting my macros and eating healthy. So I guess I have that going for me. I need help to change my thinking-pattern, somehow convince myself that women aren’t everything. That I am everything. There are so many problems that arise from the ones I just explained, but I guess these are the essential ones. And please don’t come in here giving me shit for complaining when I’m not hopelessly socially retarded and what not. I know that already. I know I have potential. I just want help to realize that my potential is worth fulfilling. That I matter, no matter what anyone thinks of me.

So... Anyone?

That's quite a lot of text you wrote there, it probably scared most potential repliers, give me a some time to read it and process it.

>>17487510
Yeah. I tried to conjure a TL;DR but I desu this whole text is the TL;DR... Thanks man, means a lot. I'm right here waiting for your reply.

>>17487496
Your problem is you have Narcissist Personality Disorder

>>17487516
Really? Why is that?

>>17487516
That's a very lazy comment which helps very little EVEN if it was true (which I don't think is a case).

Still processing by the way.

>>17487459
>Usually I'm the one giving out advice.
Just imagine how many other lazy, fat slobs are giving you advice on how to live life.

>>17487529
I didn't intend for that sentence to rub anyone the wrong way. Sorry if it upset you.

>>17487516
>>17487525

Actually googled NPD. It could be true, but I also feel that those conditions could be applied to a lot of people not necessarily being narcissists.

Let me start by stating that you brought many points and although I would want to I don't think I will be able to adress them all properly, so I will try to outline my most important observations/insights. Let me also preface it all by saying that all the things I will tell is rooted in my insight, personal views and philosophy and is ultimately only my own opinion.


You have problems. Quite a few I belive. You are very self concious, you seem inclined to codependency which would assume SLDD, you have this "passive and lazy" problem, you are never satisfied. You have quite a way before you, but you can be happy that you did first, most important step. Realizing your problems.

As I see it, most of your problems are rooted in your family and parents and probably "grew" up from there:
>It's the usual, my father was a mean motherfucker that loved drinking and making life miserable (...)
NO, IT'S NOT AND SHOULD NEVER BE "THE USUAL". You are abused hard. It's no matter if our whole society was compromised of abusive parents. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour. Let me ponder on that for a second: we humans are very complex beings. We have lot's of conflicting instincts, evolutionary programming, dreams and we are really only intelligent things on the planet. Our psyche is something wonderful, one in the kind and very powerful, it led our species to it's unpresidented evolutionary success. But because it is so powerful, it is also very fragile. Like F1 bolid, it can break easly and need constant maintenance.

Now, as a children we come to this world with set part of programming. We are to expect care, security, stability and education from our parents. It's just how we are wired to better help us thrive and win as a species. We are also highly adaptable thanks to our intelligence, it can adapt to high pressure enviroments (times of famine, war) or times of abundance. Our parents are the ones responsible for showing us "what mode" we need to engage.

TBC

Well, I know women, specifically, attractive, smoking hot successful women. These inadequacies you are speaking of can be sensed by this type of woman immediately, & sometimes without even talking to you. These women will never stick around, yes they might sleep with you a few times but thats it or they will leave as soon as someone better comes along.
If you want a shallow woman, she wont care about your personal inadequacies. If you want long-term , "the" package deal of a women, she will settle in the looks department. I dont mean, let yourself go flabby & eat nasty. I mean, you dont have to be a 10 in terms of facial attractiveness & no six-pack for example, she will settle for an 8 who looks pretty good, which you say you do & are working on, keep up the work it WILL pay off, I promise. She'll do this because if you are confident, not a douche, sucessful, not a total jerk (even being a nice asshole is acceptable as long as you arent to her), driven & good to her, I mean love her for all her bad and good & treat her like gold? You WILL get the sucessful, hot, smart or whatever you are looking for, even the 25 year old & she will give it back to you bc wimpy self-loathing men are a dime a dozen. The men hollywood currently seems to think women want. The "dad"-bod men. Women do not want these men. They want strong, independent, non-mommas boy, but caring & gentle, empathetic men.
If you think & act like you deserve your dream woman she will be attracted to that!!!! Every time. Do you know, some companies want to meet a guys wife to see how hot & nice she is, bc if he thinks he deserves a 10, then he most likley wont produce work that is less than a 10.
Keep at what your doing. Read. Read. Read. I cant stress this enough. Give up some tv time & fucking read. Start with, The Alchemist, then Think & Grow Rich. From there those books will lead to others. Oh & along the way, fuck the haters or anyone who tries to bring you down. Politely cut them from your life.

I will add to my last comment and as the other poster said, you do need to meet with a professional to work out the problems from your childhood. Talking will help! Whatever your parents put you through do not let their own personal problems be displaced upon you. Remember, we dont get to pick our parents. I too had lots of bad atuff happen to me as a child, but aoany of us have. Whats going to set you apart? Dont be a statistic and feed into the BS of bc you had a bad childhood you have to be a disfunctional adult. Work out this disfunction in a healthy way, and learn and move on from it! Break the cycle.

Anon you're better than any vagina you'll ever fuck you fucking retard.

>>17487590
Yeah, the inadequacies I spoke of are my biggest problem. I don't have any problem flirting or engaging or whatever. But this problem is hindering me big time. I feel like I managed to pull myself together somewhat and creating something to work on. This final element, me not wanting to invest in myself because of my doubt that I'm worth anything, is holding me back. And I know that these women can smell it from a far. I've noticed.

I would say that I'm caring and gentle and empathetic. The girl I'm seeing right now (even though I'm a total loser) stays with me solely because of these traits. That and the fact that the sex is pretty good. My mum even told me she is way too good for me. I agree, I'm a loser.

Do you actually believe that the hot young 25-year olds will want my old ass when I finally figured this shit out and being 35? Fucking halfway to death man. I know I have such a long way to go and it feels pointless because when the time comes to enjoy the fruit of my efforts it will be too late.

>>17487586
Problem is, you were uterly, totaly fucked by your parents. Every child should only expect love, care and stability from it's parents. This is how it should be to create fully developed, mature, successful human being. You were completly fucked, not only you were berefet of this most basic things, you were on big negative. Your abusive father, not only insisted in you values, self-confidence, hobbies, ability to just feel good and draw out/extract pleasure and satisfaction from your achievements (or just simple pleasurable activities), he probably destroyed any nascent good ideas you had growing inside you. So not only he didn't give you what he should, he even took from you.

Healthy parents relationship, should be building blocks, schematics for your own relationships. They should provide stable ground for learning proper social interactions. They should instill in you proper social stances and introduce you into complex, subtle and hard word of social life of most complicated being on our planet(!). But instead they probably messed with your self confidence, made you feel akward and shamed and condemned you to life of second guesing yourself and being criplingly self-concious.

Now because of all that damage (if it wasn't enough) you weren't able to grow in a right way and experience things how you should experience, your emotions and instincts are probably haywire and confused. You are stunted and desensitized to emotions. Your empathy is stunted as a defence mechanism and you exhibit psychopatic and just genrally cluster B symptoms...

Well, that's enought for start. Do you want to hear about, what I would propose for you to do?

>>17487602
I scheduled an appointment with a shrink and he gave me advice on where to turn next in order to deal with my shit. So I'm working on that.

>>17487608
I would love to hear it, man.

>>17487608
>>17487615
By the way, I wouldn't agree that my empathy is stunted. I have quite a developed ability to know what other people are feeling and understanding those feelings. I'm not a social retard.

>> 17487459 Yes, 25 year olds will date 35 year old men who have their stuff together, bc most younger men do not and women want security. I also know young successful men (or boys if you will) and when young guys have success, looks and money they are often, not always, complete assholes. Its generally younger girls, like the 21 year olds, who will date them. Women approaching their late twenties are generally speaking, over these guys. So a 35 year old successful man who takes care of himself, mentally, physically, and emotionally and who has his shot together is a fresh of breath air to the aforementioned boys.
*I am new to this site so if I am replying in a wrong format I apologize.

bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks

don't sweat them OP, enjoy your life, the women will follow

>>17487642
Nah man your comment is definitely read-able. Thanks for your response.

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>>17487459
>For a long time (about 7 years), since I had to actual experience or advice from a male role-model, I tried to learn seduction. I knew I wanted women and I needed to figure out what they want. I figured it out. How attraction works, what to do and what not to do et cetera. What I found out was that this only worked on so-so attractive women. And I don’t even think it worked, I was just way out of their league (look-wise) so they slept with me.
>Now I want hotter women. And it’s a completely different ballgame. They want so much more in a man; confidence, logistics. A vital part which I am lacking.
>I am lacking confidence because I am so dependent on other people. I am not happy if I am not feeling loved or appreciated. For some reason I can’t appreciate myself. I guess confidence comes from fulfilling yourself and realizing your potential and striving to develop that potential into skills; passion. This is what truly creates an attractive man; his own belief that he is worth investing into. Since he is convinced that he is worth it, he will radiate this “message” and women will pick up on that. He is focused on himself and his potential to contribute to society. Skills, knowledge, power are gravitating (the true meaning of attraction) towards him. Women will follow. Cont.
Anon I want you to go online and buy the book "The Magic" Book by Rhonda Byrne it will help alot with every issue in you're post.

>>17487615
First of all, your travel will be long and never-ending. You will need to grow in many aspects and many aspects of yourself need to be changed. Like your perspective: you have very objective based view of life. It's very toxic for you. Life is like not a race, life is a journey. There is no prize in the end, noone in their right mind cares about someone being better at life or worse. There are nothing to win except your happyness, satisfaction and happyness of your loved ones. But with your curent state of mind you will never achieve that, because it's not about external world but internal one.

You should stop being self concious about your age, stop thinking in a success/failure standard. You need to LEARN to apreciate things, starting from the most basic ones, you need to find in yourself to relax just with yourself.

You need to first balance yourself and start growing in the right direction. You need undo the damage your parents done and be a good parent for yourself.

About what to do, I would cut out toxic people from your life as soon as possible. They are weighting you down in a ways you don't even suspect. Get a job, move out. Make them pay for your eductation in another place (if they are able to do that) and don't feel bad about it, it's the least they can do for the damage they done.

About this gal, you are seeing, she seems lovely. It's very important to have someone close, don't lose that and don't belive in LDR crap.

> I have quite a developed ability to know what other people are feeling and understanding those feelings
I think I understand where are you coming from, but let me postulate that what are you refering to is UNDERSTANDING. You are great at understanding feelings, you are master at mimicking them, at acting "how you should act". You understand feelings better that normal people because you were so self-concious your whole life, you constantly picked them up and break them down into basics. But it's not fully feeling them.

>> 17487659 #
Is that book The Magic (The Secret) the one about if you say out loud and tell the universe what you want evreyday and believe you deserve it, it will happen, or something along those lines? If so, I was just talking about this with a friend last week. He was telling me about a book called The Secret.

>>17487666
So from what I understand I need to do the following:

Continue working out, continue studying, continue to see my shrink and keep this girl in my life (desu I'm not in love with her, it's pretty much friends helping eachother out and having sex cus it's fun and satisfying).

I should read The Alchemist, then Think & Grow Rich and lastly "The Magic" by Rhonda Byrne.

I'm so fucking afraid that my journey will be so long until I've solved all of my problems that it'll be too late. That I wasted this precious gift of life as a fucked up kid who never grew up. The stress is unbearable, man. It eats me alive. Keeps me up at night. Keeps me occupied during the day.

>You need to LEARN to apreciate things, starting from the most basic ones, you need to find in yourself to relax just with yourself.

I tried doing this. Walking around and forcing myself to think positive thoughts (At least I'm not handicapped, poor, ugly, a retard, missing a limb or sight or whatever)

I lost my jobs I had. My bosses hated me, they all said I had authority issues (go figure...). Sure, I'll try get a new one.

It's so strange. I feel like crying. I have the tears right behind my eyes but I'm always holding them back. It's like I'm afraid I'll split in half if I let it out. And I don't want to be the guy who cries alone at night.

>>17487679
If so, I watched some documentary about it already. Kind of interesting.

>>17487697
>The Alchemist, then Think & Grow Rich and lastly "The Magic" by Rhonda Byrne
Well, I never said that. Eh. What I would read on your place if anything would be a psychology book and book about raising children.

And nah. Mate I know all this information can be very confusing and I know even I speak inconsistent with myself in many places but the important part is to stop being so hard on yourself. I tried to convey this when I said "life is not a race, there is no prize". There is nothing to be stressed about. I know that things like that are elusive to fully apreciate. I don't expect it to sink just like that, it's more like good poetry. You gradually understand poem more and more as you develop and gain insights. There is nothing to win, so there is nothing to lose. You only live for yourself. There is not great prize but the one you yourself chose.

If you want, hit me up on the e-mail [email protected] I would love someone to practice english with. It's not my first language. And we can talk about growing up, maturity and how to be happy.

>>17487459
Travel OP, backpack anywere for 6 months at least. There is no better teacher in life than traveling. The first teaching will be humility and the second acceptance...

You want a lot and expect a lot, but what do you give ? What do you think you can offer to someone who is already happy ?

>>17487721
You didn't say that, but some of the other replies suggested them.

English isn't my first language. I live in Scandinavia.

I strongly believe, for some reason, that life is a race. Satisfaction is the prize (in the form of power, money, women or whatever you enjoy).

>You only live for yourself. There is not great prize but the one you yourself chose.

True. I live for myself. And I want to feel happy. Therefore I have everything to lose: a lifetime depraved of happiness.

>>17487732
I believe I can offer companionship, understanding, love. But what I've understood my friends enjoy in me the most (and this girl I'm seeing) is insight. They all think I'm clever and they come to me with their issues because they know I have the answers.

I'm a pretty good writer. They all push me to become a writer. They read some of my texts and they loved it.

I have experience. I've been through a lot and a lot of people can learn from me.

I guess that's pretty much it.

The traveling thing is something I also considered. I spent all my money on drugs to feel better, so now I can't. But I thought traveling to be an escape from the problems I have. And I would quickly realize that if I traveled I would only be a troubled human in another country, and that wasn't a solution for me.

>>17487734
>I strongly believe, for some reason, that life is a race
>for some reason
I belive this reason is your upbringing. You wanting to be better man than your father. Beliving that you are worthless because of what he done and said and thinking that if you aren't best, you are worst. Never being apreciated made you confused and you sought reason why you weren't apreciated. You wrongly subcounciously developed conviction that it is because "you are not good enough" while in reality it's just because your parents were very shitty. Good parents insist in their child feeling of absolute innate worth, that is hard to shake.

Your perspective is problem, you will never find peace and happyness. Disregarding the fact that it bring you depression and weights you down making you lazy and unproductive. Even if you managed by some miracle to achieve everything, you will feel as empty as you are now.

You need to throw away your curent way of looking on world (it's the product of dysfunctional childhood and pain). You need to develop your own, good view that will bring you natural, innate pleasure, happyness and make you productive.

>>17487744
Well, if you really think traveling will be like predicted, just make a list of all the things you expect to occur tomorrow... Then compare tomorrow evening.

Traveling is not about you, it's about breaking the daily cycle, and meeting new people and new ways of thinking

>>17487750
But how? HOW do I look at the world with a positive view?

I mean, I like the world. I love the beauty of it. I love life. I just can't bring myself to fully develop myself within that beauty.

>>17487757
Good tip. I like that. I'll do that.

>>17487763
It's a long process for sure. It's about growing, it's about sheding what was wrong and learning to wear what is right. It's like growing bonsai tree or garden.

First of all, get away from you parents, move out.

There are many things that you can do. Many right direction in which to move. Ultimately I know very little about you and there is limit to as much and as specific advice you can give to a stranger. I predict that you don't really apreciate this girl because you build bariers, you don't really let yourself to love anyone as a defence mechanism (people that you had most intimate contact - your parents, only hurt you) and because you don't really love yourself and don't value you as good enough.

Learning to apreciate her would be great journey to undertake. If you want to talk in lenght about it all, e-mail me and we in the span of months might help each other.

>>17487781
Okay. I'll save your e-mail.