I can easily make friends, but for the life of me, I can't

use your time to yourself to improve, maybe see a therapist about your trust and abandonment issues.

>>17487080
IF you actually want to have friends, force yourself to hang and do shit with them and eventually it will become normal. Basically fake it till you make it.

>>17487087
I can do that but I can't let them know me too deeply. Everyone I've opened up to basically hates me.

>>17487085
I was actually to a therapist recently. I felt uncomfortable because I was paying for it totally out of pocket and couldn't really afford the help I needed. Financial worries are definitely a thing

oh and forgot to say I'm at work so replied will be sporadic for the next hour or two

Appreciate any outside input

>>17487080
Why do you cut people out?

I've had issues with trusting folks since I grew up. Friends weren't there for me. They'd do things in groups without telling me and I'd feel very isolated from them. A lot of the time after some prying at them and my own soul searching it was painfully obvious that they didn't really think much of me or care about me. They didn't seem concerned with the fact that I just bowed out and stopped associating with them. They probably correctly assessed that I wanted out, but wouldn't be bothered to make an effort to reach out, and I think that says enough when I know that they'd reach out to each other, or to other people.

Basically I cut someone off when I'm not feeling good about myself. When I'm not feeling very appreciated or desired. I know the response to this is "you should feel good about yourself already/not need validation from other people" but my response is "if there's nothing about me that brings value to a relationship that makes the other person want to keep me around, why should I even bother?" Especially when I *know* that they actually DO value other people.

Really it's damned if you do and damned if you don't. You can stay and put up with not feeling like a priority. You can fight to be heard and seen - this is the route I take - and if they don't reciprocate you have your answer and can't possibly feel bad for moving on. You can just decide not to bother and just extradite yourself, which is a bit extreme but I understand doing it fully.