>celebrate 1st anniversary with bf last weekend >travel

>>17485891

He's not that into you....

>>17485891

Addicts promise anything and forget it the moment you are out the door

you're pretty justified.. really justified if everything went down as you described it.

>>17485891
will you be my gf?

>>17485898
>>17485901
i should probably dump him right? :(
sadly he's the best boyfriend i've gotten but i guess that isn't saying much. my past exes hardly acknowledged my birthday but my bf at least "promises" things only to have them fall through because he's broke or something. i can't really get mad at him for that, but him mentioning his ex and stuff just made me feel like my efforts weren't important.

>>17485910
if you respect yourself then you should break it off.

>>17485902
its pretty much how it went, except i acted more cheerful and didn't want him to feel guilty. he did seem ashamed that the anniversary didn't go according to his plans, and i didn't think arguing or showing i was upset would solve anything.

>>17485906
lol :(

>>17485917
i guess so.

>>17485898
This.

Or did he grow up in the ghetto/poor? My husband grew up in a place where showing kindness or being generous would just get you stepped on. He moved on and up, but spending money on anyone else was emotionally very difficult for him for a long time.

Either way you need to TELL HIM this really bothers you. If he doesn't know then there's no way this behavior won't change.

>>17485934
if you are in washington hit me up, i'll make you a birthday card and shit.

Shitty boyfriend. People should ensure they're in a stable place in life before finding someone to share it with. You seem like a nice girl and deserve better, I don't think he cares as much as you do so I suggest you leave him.

he sounds like a real winner.

lose him

>>17485970
Jesus fuck, are you seriously this desperate?

>>17485910
To guys birthdays dosent mean as much as it does to girls, me and my friends havent ever given each other a gift except when we gradueted gymnasium / highschool. Fyi

counter perspective,
I get really uncomfortable when people give me really nice gifts, primarily because having gotten older I know I will have to burn them when we break up.

>>17486138
I think the problem is more that he promises shit, build expectations and then bails out last minute with some excuses.

I hope he doesn't follow this pattern at work or with other things, sounds really careless and disrespectful

>>17486149 (me)
yeah, I know just playing devils advocate.
consensus is he doesn't give a fuck and you should probably just break up...

he doesnt really care
he promised because that shuts you up and accept excuses

>>17486149
Great you see that thats a major problem.

Either he cannot hold up to his expectations and is always promosing shit ge canmot make true.
If thats so, you're fucked.

Or another thing I think about is he is too insecure to keep it real, if he doesnt have money, or doesnt care about cards. But always play along, even tho he doesnt give a shit.

In that case its bad too. But maybe, a small chance that a clear serious talk about this might help it.

Goodluck

>>17485891
People on drugs are fucking jerks.

For my birthday my ex girlfriend went to an amusement park and did drugs with her co-workers.
That's really enough of a red flag...
He's talking to ex, not a big deal I've done it but would I have mentioned her on the anniversary that I was already doing a bad job at celebrating?
Sucks, but you should definitely find a relationship that you deserve.

You can't help people stop doing drugs, any efforts will push them further away... I've been on both sides and have met plenty of people on both sides; for the record this really is from plenty of experience.

Sorry girly you really do sound great.

>>17485891
U deserve so much better OP :/

>>17486124
Yes, I want handmade cards for holidays and shit.

can't you see the writing on the wall? He doesn't like you

>>17485936
yeah actually, he did grow up in the ghetto and was brought up poor. i guess i could talk to him, but he just looks so ashamed and guilty, i feel bad for being upset. is there a way i can bring this up gently?

>>17486093
yeah i guess so, he's in a tough place in his life right now, and he depends on me emotionally... i do feel that he cares, but maybe he's poor at planning things and/or forgets his "next times"....

>>17486094
been somewhat considering that but maybe i'm asking for too much in his situation. i'd like to talk with him about it first at least... just don't know how to bring it up without seeming insensitive.

>>17486136
hmm thanks, i suppose that's one reason.

>>17486138
really strange considering he calls me his "soul mate" and has mentioned about raising a family together and stuff (lol which i know won't happen and not something i really need anyway... but it's a nice sentiment)

>>17486149
this, i just feel like he shouldn't make promises he can't keep. he seems so excited when he's talking about those plans, but it just never happens, and then he acts guilty... and i don't know how to even bring this up in a gentle way.

>>17486338
thanks i suppose you're right, though i've met plenty of guys who weren't using drugs and were still jerks lol... he at least acknowledges the special occasions and seems excited to spend those days with me.

>>17486350
i've been trying to find "better" for a while, and my current has been the best so far. i'm really starting to wonder if my "niceness" lets people think it's ok to do these things to me and take advantage of it. i don't deliberately date jerks, they always seem nice and considerate at first...

>>17488004
>i've been trying to find "better" for a while
That is why you can't find better. If you can't be alone and has to keep your bf as a backup plan you are not better than him and will just maintain this cycle.

>>17488062
i think you misread my post... i do dump my boyfriends before starting anything with anyone.

when i was dating my exes, at some point i realized they didn't really bother to put much effort into the relationship or they didn't seem to care about me, so i left them.

then i try to take note of what kind of person they were, and what i really want, what i learned... and the next person who seems to fit the profile i think would be good for me, i end up going out with because why not.

having a hard time believing all of my exes were jerks, so im assuming maybe i'm being "too nice" or something and somehow giving them the vibe it's ok to neglect me and stuff.

>>17488106
>having a hard time believing all of my exes were jerks, so im assuming maybe i'm being "too nice" or something and somehow giving them the vibe it's ok to neglect me and stuff.
It's possible that you keep getting drawn in to a certain type of person that likes to take advantage of others. How long do you typically get to know someone before you date them? It's very important to see how someone treats their friends and family.

>>17488106
Oh ok.

There is a difference between being nice and not standing up for yourself. If you think something is not ok, express it. There will always be someone easier to take advantage of if you stand your ground.

This is important, given 2 options and the same consequences people will always choose the easier option; make yourself hard to be used and people will look for another sucker.

I don't know much of anything about you so this is all i can say with what i got.

Ughhhh OP I dont want to say this
because it's so horribly embarrassing.... But I've been there OP. Took about 3 years before I realized I was wasting my love on someone who didn't feel as much.

If I hadn't lost weight and gotten fit I'd probably still be that mess.

OP Just leave and focus on yourself.

>>17488130
i suppose that could be true, though i try to date a good range of people.

typically i get to know them about a month or so... they always seem very friendly and nice to others at first. even at first glance, they seem completely harmless and very sweet. but they'd end up to be neglectful and forgetful and don't really bother trying in the relationship... most hurtful thing my exes have done were hiding me and our relationship.

which sets my current bf apart from the rest of them; he talks to everyone about me, introduced me to everyone, is very affectionate in public and in front of his friends with me etc... and i love and appreciate that about him a lot and think this is a vast improvement to my exes. my bf is actually quite courteous to others; walks his female coworkers to their rides and stuff because he works a late shift with them, is very generous and reliable to his friends and coworkers, speaks highly of his brother... he seems like a "giver" and generally a guy who has his heart in the right place.

but just... can't keep a promise i guess. he is in a lot of debt and stuff as i've mentioned before, so maybe he can't afford to do the things he would like to do with me. i would've been happy with a nice hand-written card or something home-made, but i guess this isn't something he's comfortable with either. it just rubs me the wrong way when he says he wants to do this and that but bails and doesn't really try to make up for it.

>>17488139
well you are right about that; i tend not to show how upset i am because i don't want to ruin the mood of anything and i put faith in their words about "next time" and hope for the best. its just a little embarrassing and awkward to admit i want a little gift for those special occasions though and i think it would definitely make them feel guilty and get them defensive or something and make me feel guilty for bringing it up...

>>17488191
oh... :( sorry to hear that anon. makes me feel sad. if my current didn't feel for me as much, i'm not sure if anyone has really ever "loved" me.

i already do my best in my appearance and i'm actually very slim. also i have my career and hobbies to keep me a little distracted from my feels. im a pretty ambitious person so i do my best in everything i do, including my relationships.

i guess if i'm single, i could save more money though and treat myself to things i want lol...

>>17488221
Well, i was talking about being used which is much more simple than desire.

Wanting something can be good, bad or irrelevant to your life and executing this desire can be the hardest thing you'll do or the most insignificant one. Adding to that desires often involve others, multiplying the complexity tenfold.
Experience will be your best guide in this case; given the complexity, errors are bound to occur and handling them will come back to experince and the cycle will go back to the beggining.

>>17485910
If you're over 18 and celebrating birthdays, wew. All these hallmark holidays don't mean anything. Question is, has he ever done anything special on a non special date? That's what matters.