Why the fuck does my girlfriend try to be in contact with her

>>17483902
>I'm afraid to talk to my partner

Well, at least you know you have no future with this person. If you can't even speak to her without fear of her reaction, you don't have shit for a foundation.

Also, her dad cheated on her mom, got drunk on her birthday and just tore her whole childhood apart

>>17483902
>Sorry I just wanted to type somewhere
It's fine, Anon, this board resorted to a personal support group a long time ago.
Second, my ex's father abused, tortured and possibly molested her from a young age and died when she was 13 due to literally drinking himself to death.
He was an alcoholic.
Guess what.
She still has his picture on her wall above her bed.

>>17483902
Dunno man I think it's just girls being girls or something.

My father is ill, he has a mental disease that made him try to kill all of us and doing weird stuff all the time, fucking my brother and sisters childhood (I was very young so I don't remember that much).

My mother and sister have contact with him while my brother and I don't give a fuck about him.

>>17483902

Leave it be OP, don't let her problems ruin your day and don't let her bring it up around you, she's going to have to cut contact on her own, its nothing you can do, it's her Dad.

>>17483910
My dad molested me too but I still care about him for some reason. I wish I could cut contact with him but my whole family has financial ties and whenever someone does something he doesn't like he threatens to withdraw child support. That includes ignoring him or criticizing him. So I have to talk to him for my family's sake. He's an alcoholic too, I wish he would get better.

OP maybe you should ask her more about why she stays in contact... and you might just have to accept whatever answer she gives. Instead of being judgmental please try being supportive.

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The only solution I see to your problem is to deal with the dad. You know what you have to do if you really want to fix this

Do you seriously lack empathy this much, that you don't realize you cannot expect her to go with your judgement as a stranger who is not emotionally involved?

First of all, cutting contact with a parent is a dramatic thing. It is letting go of all hope that they will become a better person after all, of brutally accepting that your parent failed you and will always fail you. That can be cleansing and a relief, but it can also stir up hefty emotions and it does not sound like your girlfriend is remotely ready to take that plunge. It can simply be easier to maintain any relationship at all with a parent, because then you can grow into the realization that you're not getting anything out of it. Right now she can still ask him questions, still hold out for a moment of clarity or redemption on his side, or on her side in terms of understanding what made him this way and why he did not give her more love.

I find it puzzling and in bad taste that you seem to realize how much this issue impacted and still impacts your girlfriend, yet you are frustrated with her and calling her a bitch yourself over struggling to try to maintain a relationship with him after her toxic childhood dynamic with him. Cut her some fucking slack, she is trying.

>>17483902
I was in the same situation as her, only he went further than beating. We're talking molestation and attempted murder of both me and my mother. We ended up fleeing state to state--haven't seen him in person for nearly 17 years.

I tried contacting him again two years ago, after finding him on Facebook and seeing that he was remarried with 5 other children. There were little things that made me question myself and whether or not he had changed. But people like that don't change unless they really want to. He's still very much a narcissist, and his wife enabling him only made his behavior worse. In the time we spoke, he hurt me very much, but he also kept pulling me back in. He'd even tell my siblings to tell me shitty things, or pretend to be them online.

For whatever reason, I wanted his approval and his love. But once I realized that my goal was to have that kind of relationship with him, I had to step back. What I wanted was unattainable. I wept, not for the father I had, but for the father I wanted. And then I went no contact. I've definitely improved since then and don't think about him that often. You may end up hurting her feelings, which can push her in the wrong direction. I had to figure this out on my own.