im struggling to break up with a shitty boyfriend. we have been

Sounds like an immature douche

>>17482856

>i think he is emotionally abusive but i'm not sure.

You're not sure because he's a manipulative asshole and he wants you to doubt yourself. Dump the fucker.

>>17482887
i guess the probelm is...how.
i live with him, and any time i say i want to break up he lays on the charm and sweetness, making me think that things were never that bad, and no matter how strong i try to be i inevitably give in. and then afterwards he blames me for the whole ordeal and makes jokes about how terrible that night was because of me. i just don't know what to do. i don't havve any friends near me who know about his situation or who are close enough for me to talk to about this with. his name isn't on the lease but he's been here since i've been here. my choices are either to leave my own apartment or to find some way to win against his games...neither is easy..

Definitely abusive. But sometimes we need an outside perspective to see things. Sometimes you just need to remove the negative people from your life.

Since he doesn't help with rent, and isn't on the lease, you should kick him out. Give him some time to gather his belongings

To be honest with you, the only way for you to get out of that relationship is to pack his bags for him and bodily evict him from the apartment.

>>17482856
A better question would be, why are you saying with him? He seems terrible. or is the massive donkey dong worth his shitty behaviour?

I am in a same situation but I am a loser and have decided to just wait until he leaves me or gets caught of cheating.

>>17482856
You don't sound like you want advice, you just want to complain. If you'd want advice you'd have specified if its your apartment or his, if you have anywhere else to stay for a while, how to change locks etc.

>>17482969
Please read >>17482940.
I COULD change locks but money is so tight already that i would like to avoid that. Also, yeah i do want to complain. he chides me for complaining to my friends or family since that looks bad on him. complaining to strangers is easier.

>>17482958
the classic answer about the good times being good. i'm slowly realizing that the bad times aren't worth it but it is hard.

>>17482948
i'm not entirely sure but i think once someone has stayed in a dwelling for a certain amount of time you can't evict them.....he's been here for almost a year...so legally i am bankrupt.

>>17482963
i wish i could find him cheating. then i would know to leave him.

>>17482950
that is terrifying.

>>17482974
Maybe make him leave or cheat? Stop giving sex and act depressed all the time. I know men on 4chan can't understand this but it's really fucking difficult to leave from these kinds of relationship.
T. >>17482963

It's very likely that he doesn't value the relationship at all. Dump him and watch him crawl back when his life goes down the shitter. At that point you can either refuse him or lay down some strict conditions for reuniting.

>but I still feel doubtful about whether or not it adds up to something worth breaking up over.
He is emotionally abusive and is gaslighting you. People in emotionally abusive relationships often wish the partner would just cheat or hit them so they have a "real" reason to leave. You have a good reason, he's an asshole.

I mean, just how good are the good times? They must be pretty fucking amazing if you are willing to put up with so much of his shit and also pay all the bills.

>>17483006
What do you mean by ddoesn't value it? when i talk about leaving he seems to get desperate. i don't know to what extent he cares about my feelings but he seems to be very invested in this relationship, as he moved with me and stayed with me in a city he hates and has no friends in. he could leave at any time if he wanted to but has not. so for some reason he does not want to leave this relationship.

>>17483007
this is kind of what i wanted to hear. i feel like i have been gaslighted but of course when i call him out on that he tells me that it's a tumblr term and that i have just misunderstood his tone. the good times are okay. i am just very comfortable with him which is hard for me to accomplish. so i guess i am afraid of losing that.

Restraining order?

I had a relationship like this once and it led to me getting locked in a cage. It didn't go well. Trust me, you want to end it before it gets to that point. At all costs.

>>17483046
>when i call him out on that
Why do you tell him that? He doesn't care. Of course he isn't going to just magically agree and apologize. It sounds like you don't really plan to leave him, though, so you will just need to accept your life as is because he isn't going to change.

>>17482856
I don't understand how you lasted 5 years with this guy. Oh well. No way he will cheat on you no woman wants him so forget that.

First, make a plan to end the relationship and get far away from him. Second, stop broadcasting what your plans are. You will never get him out of that apartment nor get away from him if you attempt to reason with him. You will have to leave the apartment and go elsewhere. I would speak to your landlord and tell them you do not plan on renewing your lease. Save every cent you can. Talk with a friend or family for a place to land temporarily. Set a time frame for this to end. On the appointed day, pack your shit when he is not there and leave. A note is optional but you need to disappear. Works, I've done it.

>>17483083
Thanks. That seems doable.i just need to find someone in town to help out.

>>17483051
I've been in a similar place and had a restraining order against him but still got back together. This time I don't plan on doing that. But I know what this could escalate too in a worst case scenario, if not to me then too any theoretical children we had together....thst scares me a lot.

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>>17482856
dump the fucker. yeah, when you're insecure and lonely it's a pretty hard thing to do, but it's literally impossible to improve when you have people who make you feel bad for just being who you are. seriously, how does he contribute to your life? does he make you feel loved? does he appreciate your qualities? is he the type of person that you can admire for his qualities, his accomplishments, his ideas, his goals in life, or even his personality?

no, of course he fucking isn't. that's the whole point of your goddamn post. he's a fucking dead weight that knows he can get free pussy because you've probably never had an actual loving relationship and thus he can explore your little insecurities in order to lower your self esteem and make you hate yourself, at which point your standards will be so low that you'll happily value every token of appreciation that he gives you because of how your lack of self-love makes you desperate for love, now matter how vapid and shallow it maybe. sorry for my bad english but I think the message is clear.

you need to drop that fucker. and date me. I'm a broke ass NEET faggot but I treat you fine guuurl.

>>17483063
Because I have no one else to talk to about the relationship with besides him.... I do want to leave. It is just difficult so I am asking for guidance. Why are you counting me as hopeless?

>>17483099
>find someone in town to help out
do it and swear them to secrecy.

I had to change my phone number, where I socialized, with whom I socialized if we had common acquaintances and told my work place to deny him entry before I changed jobs. He tried to contact me and I would throw notes in the trash unopened, forbade anyone to mention his name to me including family. You have to be serious about this. I admit I didn't stop looking over my shoulder until I moved to another city when I took another job.

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>worth breaking up over?

yes

>>17483103
>Why are you counting me as hopeless?
re-read your post.

>>17483103
Since you want to leave what is there to talk about. The only thing you discuss with coworkers or friends is the plan for your new life not him.

>>17483106
Thanks. I'm thinking that will be my life soon. He hates this town so I'm shre he'll leave but it's possible that my next job will be in the city that he moves to.

>>17483101
The thing is there are some positives. He doesn't recognize or praise all my good qualities and in fact Sometimes talks down about some (I'm open minded = too naive for example) but it isn't negative talk 24/7... the positives make me feel even worse about leaving, makes me feel like thrre is hope for our relationship.

>>17483107
I want to talk through a challenging and life changing decision. I need other people's inputs because the abuse I've been thru makes me doubt myself. Fuck off.

>>17483109
The point of this thread is the difficulty I'm having in leaving. If you don't respect that fine. Just don't expect me to suddenly change to your point of view

>>17482856
Emotionally and verbally abusive, he's also a fantastic manipulater.
All I can say is... can you imagine spending the rest of your life with him? Because if he's not "the one" he's certainly not worth the hurt of his constant rudeness and insensitivity.
He's wasting your time everyday that you stay with him and causing you pain, break up with him and don't give him another option. Don't let him manipulate anymore of a free ride than he's gotten, it's over and done.

>>17483101
of course it isn't all negatives. how many relationships friendship or love involved two people that totally hated each other? ffs.

>>17483116
>it's possible that my next job will be in the city that he moves to
Just don't tell him then or anyone that knows him that will pass on that bit of information. Good luck and by the way he will never change so the quicker you get out the less time you are wasting. You will be amazed the difference when you finally have a partner that encourages you and committed to a good life together. It swells your heart.

>>17483122
I do respect that and afraid you misunderstand my point. I'm the femanon that has laid out how I was able to finally muster the courage to leave. Your guy will only get worse, I know that and so do you. Rehashing what he has done so far takes a lot of emotional energy. You need that energy to harden your heart toward him and get away.

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>>17483116
>I want to talk through a challenging and life changing decision. I need other people's inputs because the abuse I've been thru makes me doubt myself. Fuck off.

Then stay with him, be unhappy and kill yourself 2 years later, fucking reatrd.