I'm the closest I've ever been to killing self. I've

Have you seen a doctor? These are pretty typical symptoms of depression

>>17479454
I've thought before I've had it, but really by thinking I have depression amounts to Googling articles on depression that have symptoms that could apply to me, vaguely albeit.

If I was diagnosed by a doctor to have depression, I mean, it wouldn't change anything in terms of how I feel. It would just give something nebulous, a concrete name, right?

>>17479439
Seek professional help.

But also stop comparing yourself to others. Success is relative and as long as you're happy where you are, that's all that matters. If not, change what you can and accept the things you can't change, like the past.

Also smoke more weed.

>>17479465
I have a feeling the people I know might already know I'm depressed (if I am), but then again, they might not. The thing is that the internet makes it so fucking easy to compare your life to others, whether you're on facebook, youtube, or anywhere. I intellectually understand that my life is pretty good, but there's a niggling voice saying "you could always do better, but you're complacent".

I've thought of getting a script to smoke weed. I already have so many other crutches though. I'm not saying weed is bad, but it's just something else I could use that might not work.

>>17479461
It would get you medication and therapy, a way to stop feeling the way you feel all the time or leadt make it manageable enough that you can live

>>17479473
>but there's a niggling voice saying "you could always do better, but you're complacent"

That's great, that means you have drive at least. You just have to harvest that drive and do something great with it. The possibilities are endless, you just have to know what you want and go for it.

Also keep in mind that people put up the "best" version of themselves on social media, so don't feel so bad.

>>17479488
I just feel like I'm striking down every one of these advices, but I'm not. Really, just typing this shit out and getting some replies is already starting to alleviate everything.

I know vaguely what I want, well a little less than vague. I've been working shit jobs for awhile, and I'm thinking of returning to school to actually get a degree. By shit jobs, I just mean the pay. I never made that much, but being around people at work, and living with others, I never sunk this far down. I only get this pitifully sad when I'm alone.

Yes, I understand social media can twist a person's personality to only show their best, but when their best is shown over and over again, it really distorts reality. I know it really doesn't.


Thank you for the reply though, and listening to my ravings.

From a person with chronic depression you seem depressed as fuck. Also, hypersomnia is a symptom of depression. So in short pls get help from your doctor

>>17479522
What I described isn't something ongoing. There's only been a handful of times something like this has happened. It's not something that happens in a row. It's set apart months. Most of the time, I'm comfortable with who I am.

>>17479439
Hello OP, your situation seem quite vague at the moment, you havent given us much information. You want to talk? Here is my e-mail: [email protected] . If you would want to say something I would be happy to try work this things with you.

If you are not willing to e-mail me, just tell us how old are you, your gender, when this started, how is your family, what are you doing right now in life?

>>17479557
20s/male obviously/started a year ago about

That email looks quite weird

>>17479568
Well, lol, it's my throwaway e-mail specially for 4chan. Nothing weird with it back in the day there were many e-mail providers other than gmail and hotmail/microsoft that dominated right now.

>>17479568
Anyway, how is your family? Are they pushing you, do you have healthy relationship with your parents? What are you doing right now in life?

>>17479574
Oh sweet. I saved that address, in case you still check it

>>17479580
>>17479580
My mom basically broke up with my step dad. It was never a big deal to me, but it ended up making her move somewhere else and definitely affected my siblings. If that happened while I was still growing up, that'd definitely confuse me.

>>17479580
jobless right now, but looking to hear back from a possible job, and going to school

>>17479488
>That's great, that means you have drive at least.
Well, nah. Drive would not entice feeling so depressed, suicidal and down. Drive would energize not suck life out of him. Maybe you are trying to cheer him up, but I don't think you should give him idea of building on this emotion, this is emotion to be dealt with in my humble opinion.

It's like comparing beautiful, clear, mountain river with well full of rotten carcasses and possibly iradiated waste in there. Both have water but there is only one that you would want to drink from.

>>17479581
Sure, feel free to write anytime you want. English is not my first language and I'd love to have partner to improve my writing!

>>17479591
>It was never a big deal to me
Sorry, but this is the part that I always feel compelled to try to "straighten up". One of human natural defence against emotional trauma is to become desensitized. While it's good on short term, one it makes you not grown properly (if it happens in a young age) second more often than not it still leaves scars of the original unresolved trauma. I use metaphor: "you covered the problem with blanket and you yourself feel that it's not there but when you lay on the bed something still itches you from under the blanket".

Also why do you have step dad? How long you were when this happend? How old were you whenever happened to your father, happened? How is your mother, how is your relationship with her and with other important people in your life.

For what you are in school? Did you had a girlfriend? Did you had relationships and how long were there and how they ended?

I guess it seems like a barage of questions but I would like to help and I belive that you can do much harm if you act uninformed on that matters.

>>17479614
I desensitize most things I would say.
Step dad because American divorce rates are high as fuck. Happened before I can remember and care.

Never have had a girlfriend. Not going to say I want one just for the sake of it, at least not now. I mean, who would not want someone of the sex you are attracted to to love you back? Everyone would, but it can't just be brought upon just for the sake of it.

>>17479628
>I desensitize most things I would say
Yea, that is part of the problem. Still you are very laconical in what you say. You are probably not feeling very good right now, do you, hotsthot? It can be bitch to even write couple of sentences I know.

Well there is a couple of things I would like to tell you. But first off, it's gonna be long process, you are ill right now, depression, suicidal tendency, even being desentisized is not something to be desirable. Good thing is I belive you can do it with therapy, if you put work and reach deep.

Now secondly, you were harmed very much. You will probably try to downplay it, but that is freaking truth, you were emotionally abused by the circumstantions of your childhood and lack of stability. It all probably had catastrophic effect on your psyche. And while you probably were actively emotionally hurted the big deal is in what you were denied to experience. You were probably denied basic childhood lessons: in family stability, in mutual parental love, in proper relationship between parent and child and probably more. (I am a bit reaching here, so albeit I think I'm right in my assumptions I will end here).

Not about the girlfriend it's a whole different story. For now I would like you to know this: being loved in an selfles, voluntary way should be basic human right and actually is a childhood right (children can be taken for parental negligence). All this may sound a bit extreme, but I veheretemly belive and have some research to back my convictions.

When will be the first time you will feel real love with someone, you will totally understand that "it CAN be brought upon just for the sake of it" because it is such a wonderful and grand feeling that bringing it to this world is a good deed in itself. It will heal you, make you at peace and will help you (however there are many, many pitfall in lovegame, espescially to the damaged individuals, so one have to be cautious).

if you live in near new york you should come out for a beer. talk f2f with someone about it helps.

>>17479666
Satan digits trying to get you to drink the devils water.
On a serious note be careful with alcohol OP, everyone is different but me personally even a beer reverts my progress on handling my depression

>>17479666
Fuck, I wish. I live in the middle of nowhere across the country. The only reason I'm still here is because I know people here, and it's all I've ever really known. I would love to move somewhere new, but it's nice to know people who you can hang out with or help out.

>>17479673
I drink so infrequently, but every experience I've had with getting buzzed or drunk has been amazing. I can talk to people without me worrying they can see all my insecurities. It's amazing, but yeah drinking alone does little for me. It's just a means to open up to people.

The last time I was in a desperate place mentally, it lasted for a while. The thing that helped me was actually a series of lectures online. This was the first one I watched:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsoVhKo4UvQ

Watching it was like a lightning bolt out of the blue for my life. Changed everything.
Idk if it would be helpful to you or others, since I'm of a more philosophical bent than most, but I figured on the off chance it reverberates with you I'd pass it along.

>>17479702
Thank you.