Help /adv/ I don't know what is wrong with me. For the

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Help /adv/

I don't know what is wrong with me. For the first time I actually feel really depressed.

I've had four girls over at my apartment for the last three years, none of which I could get myself to have sex with and one of the girls even wanted to be my girlfriend which I couldn't do either. When I always get really close to a girl I feel like backing out and don’t want to have anything to do with them.

I've never had a girlfriend and never had sex my whole life, only once when I was really drunk and the girl literally took me to her bed and fucked me. Couldn't feel a thing.

Now one hour ago I called a prostitute. I felt like this was the time I would just do it sober. Feel how sex is like and maybe get that anxiety away from it all.

So I choose the most expensive one for one hour. When she arrived I told her to just lead the way as this was my first time. She went for it and I was so bad at everything so she just gave me a hand job. I couldn't even come. So after that I was really disappointed and felt like money wasted.

Now my distance to ever try something or get a girlfriend is just worse than before.

Why do I feel such a distance for girls when it gets real, yet can come fine when I masturbate. What is wrong with me? Help.