My parents died when I was eight. I was playing GoldenEye with

fug

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This is too much for us to help, considering how fucked up most of us are. Maybe you need to see a therapist who can help you with your problems anon...

This was hard too read...

proof of scar

I think you need someone to talk to, like someone who has been in a similar situation as you and can offer some experience, I can't imagine what you are going through

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OP here

>>17468479
sorry for being ugly

>>17468479
oh shit. Got any friends? Interests

>>17468489
No friends. I'm into video games. I have a dark sense of humour. I like violent films and violent video games. I'm a horror junkie. I love reading about serial killers and true crime. Unsolved mysteries also get my rocks off. I also love stuff like Greek and Roman history. Stuff like Atlantis and the Hanging Gardens of Babylon just take me to a different place. Feels so good to imagine that they're real places, and they're just lost to time forever.

>>17468489
I used to have friends. 3 best friends. Two moved across the country and one I lost due to being a complete asshole. Fucked that one up, lol.

>>17468493

You into anime by any chance anon?

>>17468453
grow up
that was 16 years ago
as long as you hold onto that shit, you'll never be anything more than a victim
take control of your life
and quit all that damn crying, you punk bitch

>>17468498
Nope I fuckin hate anime lol

Sorry

I wish I was, though. Only anime I've ever liked is Berserk... fuckin caska...

>>17468503
yeah. normally it's pushed to the back, but i drank for the first time in a long time tonight.

it just comes pouring out.

honestly, i don't even want a girlfriend. i just want a woman to let me lay my head in her lap, and call her mom

>>17468504

Well I was going to suggest Fate Zero anime, it deals with historical heros in history fighting it out for the crown. I thought since you enjoyed Roman history you would enjoy this.

lol I tired anyway and ya Caska got ruined.

>>17468503
I'm not sure if this some retarded attempt to help OP by trying to make him "man up" or is the person behind this post some kind of narcistic/psychopatic/egocentric asshole. Either way a retard.

>>17468515
maybe i'll check it out

I'm still down to shoot the shit with you on steam or whatever

I'm into games and I assume you are, too.

>>17468453
Well in fact you have very good stories to tell everyone you know or to engage a conversation with someone you don't know

>>17468524

I gotta head to bed soon, I work early in the morning and have to get my sleep. Check out the anime anon, I think you would enjoy it. Hopefully this thread is still up tommorow so I can check in on it soon.

Nigga you could have been Batman and you chose to be a whining faggot instead

>>17468523
why?
because he's fragile and needs to be coddled?
he said he wants to be normal. the real world doesn't wear kid gloves for anyone, and neither do I. you punk bitch.

>>17468526
No, no. I do not like to bring it up unless I've known the person for a while. It's instant sympathy, yes, but it makes me feel like shit. Literally people just bend over backwards once they hear that. I don't like that.

Honestly I'd kill to just be someone normal, even if my parents weren't perfect. This has fucked me up and I spend literally every single day trying to be mentally healthy.

Literally. Every. Day.

I can NEVER get my head straight, now matter how hard I try. It's always something.

The worst part is that I constantly struggle for control. My perfectionism, obsessiveness, and completionism is off the fucking charts. I have to be perfect. I guess I feel like if I'm not perfect I'm not good enough.

>>17468453
Try drugs.

>>17468543
>>17468536
Actually I don't mind this shit

I know I need to be tougher. It's just hard when your own brain fights you all the fuckin time

There's some days when I can let go and just be whoever the fuck I am, flawed as fuck, but most days I'm AUTISTIC as FUCK.

I'm trying to get to the point where I can man the fuck up all the time, but I'm not there yet.

i'm not normally a whiney bitch, it's just that I'm pretty much drunk

>>17468543
Did someone hurt you so bad that you have need to be psychotic on the anonymous board? Or on the contrary, maybe you are so spoiled that you don't take other people emotions at all? Either way, you said it yourself. World doesn't wear kid gloves, we all know it, nothing new there you ass. OP knows it as well and he doesn't need your shit aswell. GTFO

>>17468555
Trips get

and yeah I've already been there

I quit and sobered up

I've spent a year and a half in jail since 18

Never going back

>>17468558
Appreciate you defending me too

Honestly I know where you're all coming from

>>17468560

Have you tried adderal?

>>17468565
I'm ADHD. Adderal literally doesn't work. It just makes me not hyper

I'm already on Vyvanse and Welbutrin

>>17468563
I would love to be able to help you OP. I'm not sure if I can but if you would like to talk about it all here's my e-mail. [email protected]

>>17468575
sent you an email check that shit

>>17468556
well the try AA/NA or get some outdoor hobbies. could leave you too tired to drink. you have to put the shit behind you. you're 24 and you're bigger than whatever is going on upstairs. your choice is to take control or it will control you. ninth times the charm.

>>17468558
who's being psychotic? your literally jumping to conclusions. all I'm saying is we've all been through our own special kind of shit. but the wounds will never heal if we keep on ripping them open.

stop trying to censor me you punk bitch.

>>17468493
Have you tried writing fiction? It sounds like you have a good imagination, and you have a lot of emotion to draw on. Expressing yourself through creativity can be therapeutic.

>>17468593
Yeah. It's just hard with ADHD. I'm actually a great writer. The problem is that it's not stimulating. Video games keep me much, much more occupied. I have to force myself to read or write.

I'm thinking I'm going to become a butcher. Decent pay. Not great, but more than decent.

>>17468620

You need your high school education. Any ideas how you are going to get that?

>>17468629
I'm only one math and computers course away.

Honestly, my #1 problem is being a control freak. People don't understand how debilitating it is to be an out of control perfectionist/autistic retard. It ruins everything. I'm mostly over my parents, except for my darkest hours. The hours I get drunk n shit.

>>17468632
You're Russian. You're stronger than me. Also, I love your language. I love the way it sounds. When Russia invades Canada, I'm defecting.

Honestly, though, it's the personality disorder I developed. I've got extremely retarded coping methods. I'm basically self-destructive to a T. And impulsive.

>>17468632
First of all, comparising of seeing some dead bodies and bum banging on door to your parents dying violent deaths and abandoning you at an early age (abandonment probably hurt more than anything else) shows that your are pussy if you even think that is remotely equal.

Second of all it probably did affect you, seeing you here, we all are damaged in 4chan. Don't lie about being normie, here.

>>17468642

I am not trying to shit on you, but I do think you can deal with these things, i.e. you aren't fundamentally damaged by those events (though you are by habits formed over time due to them).

Being impulsive / self-destructive ARE conditioned personality traits. You basically have to start taking steps to doing something with your life, just like everyone else.

Just to have this disclosure in there, if it isn't implied: I am not saying it's your fault, but you are the one who has to deal with it, so it doesn't matter whether or not it is.

>>17468650

>Second of all it probably did affect you, seeing you here, we all are damaged in 4chan. Don't lie about being normie, here.

Well, yea. But there are varying levels.

>First of all, comparising of seeing some dead bodies and bum banging on door to your parents dying violent deaths and abandoning you at an early age (abandonment probably hurt more than anything else) shows that your are pussy if you even think that is remotely equal.

A lot of kids from orphanages grow up fine (- the fact that their education quality and everything related was shit).

Yet again - I am not saying his life wasn't shit, but I do think "scarred for life" tends to be overblown.

>>17468620
>Video games keep me much, much more occupied
It sounds like they're getting in the way of more productive activity. Maybe you should sell your console/gaming computer.

>>17468524
I'm favelour on steam, add me and we can play some games and chat a bit when I get off work in a few hours.

>>17468662
can I add you as well? I'd like to shoot the shit with you. especially since you're in russia. and no i'm not scarred for life in the typical sense. I'm not self-pitying. You're seeing me at my worst. Normally I don't complain at all. Though I am unable to work due to being mental as fuck. I'm trying, though. I've never not tried in the last 4 years.

>>17468674
adding you right now

>>17468667
desu, if I didn't have video games, I'd be dead. Chances are I still won't make it to 30 (I'm 24). They're my passion. I cannot live without them. I don't even play them 8 hours a day or anything. Can I add you on steam or something? E-mail?

>>17468674
Added you. Surprised you're the only favelour out there.

btw the Knicks suck :^)

>>17468692

Knicks are going to be 5th seed in the east man, just you watch :D

I see severe mental issues in people that work at Walmart and they manage somehow. Used to work with a guy that would walk like he has ocd all weird like and only muttered the same three words "yea, o-ok, haha". He wouldn't have a conversation with you, he would just quietly say hahaha. Though, he could take you to any item. He smelled funny and would constantly fidget. But he could push carts just fine. You can work. There is help out there to find people like you jobs. Don't use your condition that isn't truly stopping you as an excuse. Get a job.

>>17468453
>I've commited suicide like 8 times but I've always failed.
Well then you didn't really commit, did you?

>>17468687

Sorry, but I don't even have Steam installed anymore.

>I'm not self-pitying. You're seeing me at my worst. Normally I don't complain at all. Though I am unable to work due to being mental as fuck. I'm trying, though. I've never not tried in the last 4 years.

I am not judging you man (as corny as that sounds), I am just telling you what you already know - that while shit DID really suck for you, to the point which most people cannot possibly relate to, now you have to make the best of it.