I'm just wondering what /adv/ thinks when people say that

>>17466815
I think that the problem is that a lot of guys who actively pursue women think that there's a certain set of qualities they need to have and actions they need to do to get a girl.
On one hand, girls want different things so not everything works for every girl.
On the other hand, one of the most important things in general to have successful interactions is feeling confident and comfortable with yourself. It's hard to feel like that when you're pretending to be someone you're not.
When you stop actively trying to pursue someone, if you keep your options open and keep meeting new people, it's much more likely to meet someone who likes you for you.

>>17466815
>I'm just wondering what /adv/ thinks when people say that if you give up pursuing women, you generally have more success in meeting them?
There's definitely something to this. There isn't a whole lot that pushes women away more effectively than desperation.

But truth be told, you don't have to give up completely. Really, you need to do two things. One is that you need to deprioritize it: not having a girlfriend is not the most important problem in your life, and getting one will not fix the other problems you have, so there is no reason to obsess.

The other thing you need to do is accept that even if you never get a girlfriend, you WILL survive, and you CAN be happy. This is the basic idea of "confidence" that women often seek in men: a reassurance, both for you and for her, that you can survive when and if things end or get denied outright.

Some people do find that giving up, at least for a time, is the easiest way to accomplish both goals. If this is the case for you, then do what you must. But do not lose sight of WHY you're doing it: this is not about despair, or quitting, but about preparing yourself. Because you AREN'T prepared when you're desperate; indeed, not being preapared is part of what makes you desperate.

The problem isn't that you pursue. It's that you're desperate about it.

You have to be willing to walk away and take a loss. If a woman thinks that you'll get on fine without her, then she'll want to be with you more.

Listen to the Black Phillip Show. They're all on YouTube. Educate yourself.

OP here. It isn't exclusively to do with finding a relationship, I haven't been able to get hookups in real life or through something like Tinder either. All the while I'm being told by friends I'm very good-looking and have a lot to me. It's very confusing, and I've spent a great deal of time researching what I may be doing wrong (and coming up with no answers = being more desperate, I gather).

At this point the only thing I have left is to give up, but I feel like I'm shooting myself in the foot by not doing *anything*.

>>17466815
the sentiment's true, yeah.

dudes have this problem where they over value the chick they're talking to which turns them into boring as fuck doormats.

a lot of relationships could be viewed as power exchanges. she'll lose interest when you give her all the power because it's embarrassing to be in a relationship with someone you don't see as an equal.

so in conclusion desperation makes you come off as needy, neurotic, and unstable.

a lot of confidence comes in knowing what value you have to add to a potential relationship. like are you funny or clever or talented or whatever and how do you demonstrate that value