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Influx of negative thoughts. Stream of consciousness. Not trying to hurt anybody.
Today my dad reminded me of the time when I was about 12 and I had an English teacher who gave me a notebook to write stuff down in over the summer because she saw literary genius in me. I left it empty over that whole summer, for which I feel unbelievably guilty and pathetic. I'm a sack of shit, I waste my potential at every given opportunity. I've fucked up my A-Levels (likely getting at least one U-grade), and I'm gonna be stuck in my horrific retail job before I drop dead as a result of dust inhalation from that horrendous warehouse.
I was watching a documentary about Brian Wilson's "Smile" album, which he couldn't finish in 1967 due to tremendous strain on his mental health. At one point, he gives a few reasons as to why the album had to be shelved, one of them being that he found the track called "The Elements: Fire" was "too scary", and he was terrified by the fact that a store near him burned down around the time he tried to record the track in the studio. It then hit me - what if this "Fire (Mrs O'Leary's Cow)" composition somehow triggered the Apollo 1 fire, which occurred around the same time?
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>>17461288
Eventually you will learn think about your sad past is a waste of time and only hurts yourself.
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Don't so damn hard on yourself, OP. I failed A Levels and now I'm at a really good university - they're not the only option. So you've failed? Everyone does at some point. If you really hate your job that much then quit. If you need the money then start searching for another job, just count yourself lucky that you have one with regular income. You're too young to be so pessimistic. You're not a piece of shit, you're just being lazy. Realise your potential, start applying yourself and start writing again.
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How's your tin foil hat fitting OP?
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>>17461288
OP everyone fails, everyone disappoints their elders, everyone disappoints their teachers and people who believe in them.
Bob the genius who went on to become a world renowned scientist? His dad always wished he hung out with his friends more, and had more friends.
Lisa the girl who had lots of friends and always focused on her social life? Her mom always wished she focused on her academics more and was a bit nicer
Morgan the girl who grew up in a broken home but managed to grow into a mature, nice woman? Her teachers wished she'd have had a bit less of an ego
Everyone is a failure in some ways, everyone fucks up, everyone makes mistakes, and everyone wastes great opportunities to grow. Cut yourself some slack and start focusing on not wasting future opportunities, and everything will be okay.
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