Got really drunk at a party back in february. I didn't even

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Got really drunk at a party back in february. I didn't even throw up or anything, but had a fucking breakdown, because I felt really terrible back then (talking about suicide at a friends birthday tier (only with one person, not to everyone though)). I've luckily lost most memory of it. Most of my friends told me a month or so afterwards that it wasn't actually too bad. I was just very confused, sat there with my head hanging low for hours and shit and then went out with a couple of people. I apologized to the dude who's party it was, and he said it was absolutely no problem and that shit happens and we're still friends, but there were a couple of people who I never met before and whenever I see them I feel like they absolutely hold no feelings towards me aside from knowing that I'm a loser alcoholic.
Another guy I absolutely fucking hate went out to sober up with me, and spreaded the stuff I said/how much I drank around everywhere. There's a lot of (false) stuff about me out there now that I cannot deal with. I didn't lose any friends or whatever, but the sole fact that it is like this makes me panic, feel paranoid etc.

I tried to do something about this: stopped consuming any drugs, in therapy for depression and such, but that event comes to my mind a lot and whenever I think about it, I feel absolutely embarassed, and want to throw myself in front of a train.
Any idea what I could do about this? I just want to get over this somehow, but feels absolutely impossible at this point.
I'm sorry for this being such a shitty read, but it's late over here