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So /adv/, I come to you as someone who's been smoking weed

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So /adv/, I come to you as someone who's been smoking weed on and off for about three years now. In the last year it's become a pretty full time thing where if I'm not going to work, I smoke as soon as I get up. If I am going to work, as soon as I get home I load up a bowl. I spend as much of my time stoned as possible.
It started because it used to just sort of flip my depression into an "off" state. I'd be high and my mind would wander and I'd enjoy things. I actually tell my friends that, and I've told two therapists the same thing. The problem is, recently my highs don't feel the same way anymore. Now when I get high it feels like my depression has crept into my altered-state.

There was a period where I'd saved up about $700 to move in with a friend and his gf a few states away, but they broke up and that whole plan for my future fell apart. In the wake of that I quit my job and slowly ate away at my savings buying marijuana until I was broke again. Ever since that little period of time my highs have changed. Even my normal life has changed. I realized a lot of the things I was insecure in and wanted to work on (since I was doing nothing but applying for jobs online and being a pothead at home I spent a lot of time thinking) but now I think about them all the time. I've developed a much more anxious personality, especially around people. I'm not dreaming the same way I used to either. Then when I actually get high I spend the whole time hoping I won't have a bad high because they're all becoming bad highs. I don't relax, my depression doesn't go away, and I don't feel like doing anything. Then I end up sleeping way earlier than I need to and wasting my days off.

I guess the tl;dr of this thread is a question: should I give up pot? It isn't doing it for me like it used to, but I worry that without it I'm going to be bored and even more depressed. I'll just be sober constantly. What do you think /adv/?
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>>17454010
You ask the question because you know what the answer is, but you desperatley hope that we will tell you.

Nah, fuck it mate. Just continue smoking that green!
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>>17454037
Well no, that's the thing is I do feel like I should quit. I guess what I'm really hoping for is someone who'll come in and go, "Idiot, here's how tou regain your original depression defeating highs."
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I would say yes give up weed. I was doing the same as you about a year ago but with alcohol. Really fucked me up and I'm just now starting to crawl out of the hole I dug for myself.

With alcohol there are physical health issues, with weed you don't necessarily get that so it's harder to have a wake up call moment. But you said yourself it's not fun anymore and at the end of the days it's not a good thing to be dependent on a drug to get through the day.

Sobriety is a little tough to get used to but there is really no downside to quitting and having a clearer head.
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>>17454010
Just smoke weed brah
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Try meditating when you smoke.

Seriously.

I was able to have a *fedora tip* euphoric moment a while back that completely changed my life. I was clinically depressed and had a plethora of other issues keeping me NEET up until that moment of introspection. I recognized the things in my life that have contributed to my awkward mannerisms and nervous ticks, finally learned to accept my past, and had a moment where my life practically flashed before my eyes. Suddenly, I regained the ability to string together coherent thoughts. I had so many repressed memories that had suddenly surfaced, and so many feelings and thoughts that were buried with them. I felt a sense of peace, comfort, and optimism that I hadn't felt in over a decade. For the first time, I truly felt confident and comfortable in my own skin.

If you've read this far, you're probably thinking I'm full of shit and/or delusional. Yeah, you could be absolutely right. When this first happened to me, I thought the same thing, that I'm going fucking insane. But in the end, does it really matter? Even if I'm delusional, I'm happy and I feel normal for once. I'm going to enjoy this and ride it out for as long as it lasts.

I'm not trying to say weed is a cure-all for mental illnesses, but rather it can be used as a segue for deep introspection that can be very beneficial for some people.

Good luck, OP.
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>>17454069
I remember I had this whole couple of months right before I quit my job where I was trying to do something like this. I wanted to use marijuana or shrooms or acid to try to tap into something internally that I couldn't reach sober. I just feel like I probably went about it the wrong way and that could have something to do with why I became an anxious, self-conscious mess instead of an inner peace type of fellow. I didn't meditate, I just sat on my porch and let me thoughts flow instead of meditating. I'd still like to chase that euphoric moment like you said. I just don't know if I'd be better off stopping completely or learning to meditate.
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>>17454069
Not OP but I also tried meditation while high the other day. It was interesting to say the least. Neural beats to be spesific.

I recently came to the realisation that freedom and democracy is an illusion. So, realizing that leads to a couple of conclusion. 1) Everyone you know are slaves or 2) my sanity was questionable. The neural beats sent me down the path of me gaining sanity again.
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>>17454059
I've started to really focus on my perceived negative health issues with weed. Is it fucking up my dopamine production in the long run? Is it fucking up my hormones costing me REM sleep? Am I smoking too much for my tolerance and that's why I'm having bad highs? Am I getting dumber and slower? Am I less well-spoken? Am I living in a brain fog? I don't know. I just don't know and it's driving me nuts.
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