Guys I'm hurt real bad, this is going to be hard to type.

To clarify, I am not the type of person to play games. If I want to talk to someone, I will find a way to make it happen. I'm fairly straightforward and blunt. If I'm sorry or in the wrong I will promptly apologize. If I'm happy I'll make it known, etc.

I'm currently attending therapy at a psychologist once a week. It's helpful! I know exactly what I need help with and I have a common end goal. This time I can let him help me help myself

I love improving myself, and being the best girlfriend I can be, So if you guys can give any advice about that it would be nice

Stop fucking being scared of being happy and stop seraching desperately for love. This guy probably didn't feel that much love for you anyways if he regrets your relationship so much that he said that shit, you just thought you were in love because you wanted to be in love really bad. You need to seek a stable healty relationship if you want to be with someone, with dating websites you're already going at it starting with the wrong foot, because both of you are probably desperate people with poor social skills if you had to resort to internet to get a date.
You probably don't even love him. You love the fact he looked like he loved you. You loved to be with someone, you didn't love someone.
Get over it by realizing all your feelings were product of an unhealty behaviour, don't make excuses about it like you women always do and for fuck's sake DO get a new job and occupy your day with something at all times, otherwise you'll never meet people.
You're shy? Big deal. First party, even the shittiest most boring party ever, you go. You don't have to make plans, you just have to go. You must start to say yes, to think in terms of "I DO" and not in terms of "I'm not sure about it". Shut your brain off and just DO.

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>>17449253
seek professional help before attempting another relationship, chances are you shat on the guys feelings instead of working it out as partners. just chalk it up as a lesson learned and make sure you feel secure and stable before dating again because in this day and age most guys dont want to play any games. ( im saying this as a guy with similar experience ) if i was in his shoes chances are I wouldn't be so ready to forgive you ether.

>>17449253
I'm going to be level with you, alleged femanon: I can't speak for all men, and I can't say what went on through your bf's mind, but I wouldn't want to deal with a broken woman, especially at this point in time. No offense, it's just the way it is. And nothing that he said in pic related seems overly harsh - if neither of you can handle a relationship, why beat yourselves up trying to make it work? Best thing for you to do is just get that professional help you were going to get, become a stable person, and move on.

>no good raisin

This sentence threw me off so bad. You should seek the help first before trying to start a relationship. It sounds like bullshit but you aren't going to be able to love someone else until you love yourself.

Everybody is mentioning getting help and I am!

>>17449280
How did it throw you off? Should I stop saying it? You know it's just a joke

>>17449276
There's a lot of broken people in this world. What are we going to do?

>>17449273
I was willing to work it out. But he simply rolled over and accepted everything instead. I'm always willing to work things out

>>17449272
I like this reply. Agree on a lot of things. With online dating, everyone pretty much is desperate and it probably is starting out on the wrong foot.

Pertaining to the party thing, how do I even begin to find out when one is going on? Do I just ask my friend "can you invite me to the next party you go to?"

I manage my depression/anxiety with lots of hobbies and I make sure to get outside every day, likely to just watch the sunset at the park. I dislike being idle and stagnant

OP you scared him away, relax you only knew him a week or so.

Partners that are very dependent are nightmares, you shouldn't really be looking for guys now. Get some hobbies and make some new "female friends" or something. Do what makes you happy, be independent.

>>17449293
>There's a lot of broken people in this world. What are we going to do?

Well, you said you're getting help. That's what you do.

>>17449299
I do my hobbies. They keep me busy but it still feels kind of empty without someone to cuddle. I wouldn't describe me as dependent, I just want closeness

When it's time, how do I even begin to open up to someone again?

From what you said (and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, OP), it seems to me that you missed one aspect with the last guy.

It looks to me like you didn't explain that when you have anxiety attacks, they can cause you to act irrationally, and you need someone who can stay with you through that and be there for you during and after EVEN if you say otherwise.

That's an important point to clarify for people with mental problems of any kind. I myself was classed as insane, and take medication for it. I needed to tell any guys I dated that I sometimes act out as a result, and that if they didn't think they could handle that, I wanted to know in the very beginning, before we got too far into a relationship. I had quite a few guys go "fuck this, I'm out", but I did finally find a wonderful man who can help me on my worst days, and we've now been married for nearly 7 years.

Honesty first and foremost. Get used to explaining the things going on inside your own head, so that anyone you try to have a relationship with can try to help you when you need it. The straightforward approach does work, but it sometimes takes a bit longer to find a guy who can handle it. (That's a societal issue that would take a whole other topic for me to go on about.)

Lastly, only improve yourself because YOU want to. It's great to want to be a good girlfriend, but you should never need to improve yourself for that reason. Self improvements should make you happy first, and everything else falls into place after that.

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>>17449293
he rolled over because yall only went out for a short period of time so to him it probably wasnt worth it trying to figure out what went wrong or beg you not to go, you should've tried to wait it out or got some family advice before breaking up with him

>>17449293
You ask your firend "hey what are you doing this weekend?" and if your friend says "well I'm doing a bbq in my backyard" there's a chance that they will also say "wanna come?", and if they don't you just hint at the fact that you'd like to go, or just straight up ask to join in.
"Hi Sam, how you doin"
"Fine anon"
"Hey listen what are you doing this weekend?"
"I was about to have dinner with some friends and then take a stroll"
"I have no plans for that day, would you mind if I join in?"
They either say "no because x reason" and think that you're nice for interesting yourself in spending time with them, or say "yes" and you'll get a chance to know new people. If you don't have that much fun then big deal, if you met nobody interesting then who cares, it's the same as it was before.
That's what I told you about excuses. You already know what I told you, but you're too scared to do it and find excuses and ways around it, while if you want to get better there's no way around things, you just have to face them and win.

>>17449253
>i randomly dumped him why won't he take me back

come on

COME

ON

>>17449326
Yeah I should have kept my mouth shut

>>17449326
Oh shit. I'm looking at this post and wondering, how did you know my name? Sam is my real name

I'm not scared to ask people about their plans btw. That's easy and I already do it. I just didn't know the right wording

>>17449322
I really like this reply to. Agree with the honesty and up frontness. But in my case I need to keep my mouth SHUT sometimes

>>17449334
I don't see the problem here. It's never too late to be the better person, say "I'm sorry" and try to work things out

>>17449346
If my girlfriend up and dumped me one day there is no way in hell I would take her back. She no longer wanted to be with me, so she left. Trying to come back is a trick. You're not being the better person, you're being a rude jack ass.

>>17449253
"How do I open up my heart to another man after this?" From what it sounds like you broke his trust in women more than what it sounds like he made it hard for you to open your heart to other people.

I was with a person exactly like you, she broke my heart after what seemed perfect, the only difference is that we were together for over a year and she suddenly dropped me out of literally nowhere, when just a day before she was telling me how perfect, funny, and caring I was.

I don't think you understand how badly you can fuck with someone when, after you finally convince them to fall in love, you drop this 'fuck you' bomb on them. Given that you're on a dating site with him, I'm gonna assume it's not not his first relationship or attempt at this. I can guarantee you, after that first time what you've done to someone happens, ever subsequent time they're going to be just as cold as how it seemed like he acted. They know what happens once when they chase after someone and get fucked over, they're not giving it a second shot, they're just going to be as cold to you as you were to them.

You want my advice, as someone who has been in his shoes? I'll tell you what I told my ex. Before you try coming back to someone you dumped for a ridiculously stupid reason, go get proper help, make sure the help work, and if you manage to properly get through the help, then you're allowed to ask for another shot. If you even get that second chance, you'll need to put in a lot of work to prove to him that the help not only worked, but that you're not going to put him through it again. If you can't be bothered to deal with all that effort, you don't deserve to be with them, because you clearly don't care as much as you say you do.

I have more issues than you and I still wouldn't be stupid enough to break up a seemingly perfect relationship; I don't see how every girl under the sun can pull the "I don't deserve you" card and think it makes even an ounce of sense.

>>17449355
So the point is never tell anyone what I'm thinking ever? You're supposed to be honest with someone you're dating

>>17449365
No I really don't understand. With me, I run from my problems but I always come back. It doesn't mean I hate you forever. It just means I'm scared

>>17449368
Wow, you're fucked in the head if you read 'don't randomly dump your SO' as 'keep everything bottled up and never tell anyone what you're thinking'


What did you tell him, something along the lines of "I don't know if I want to keep dating you"?

>>17449253
>So how do I even begin to get over this pain? How do I even open my heart up to another man after this?
Continue seeking professional help so that you don't fuck over anyone else. You can't just break up with someone over nothing and then expect them to "fight" for you. That's not how adults work. Instead of letting you walk all over him, throwing his feelings into your heartless void, he stood up for himself and backed off.

>>17449253
>How do I even open my heart up to another man after this?
you have literally zero (0) justification to whine after you were the one to leave him for no reason

>>17449293
>I was willing to work it out.
That was already after you had hurt him. When he hasn't known you for that long, why would he give someone so fickle another chance?

>>17449381
Well yeah that's what I'm getting from some replies here. Be honest but not too honest

It sounds like you're projecting.

>>17449391
Nothing in my post even suggests projecting. Suck start a pistol, cunt.

>>17449343
the right wording is just the most simple and polite way of conveying information you can think about in 10 seconds.
Wrong wording: "Fuck you for not helping me out"
Right wording: "Sorry but I'm mad because I could have really used your help and you didn't care about it"
Wierd wording: "In the instance in which thine aid was required, I found myself utterly disappointed and disheartened by the lack of compassion you displayed when not providing me with any help while I was in dire straits"

>>17449346
>It's never too late to be the better person, say "I'm sorry" and try to work things out
You do that when you've been with the person for years, if you feel like it's in your best interest. Not after such a short period of time. He's looking out for himself because you look like a pile of crazy games.

>>17449391
Not him, but there's a difference between honesty and stupidity.
Honesty is when you're saying "I wasn't a fan of what you did last night", or "I dislike how you're acting recently, what's going on?", or "I cheated on you, I won't lie." Last one is excessive, but still an example of honesty, even regarding a dishonest act, as opposed to hoping they never find out.
Stupidity is "I'm going to break up with you for a ridiculous reason that's only existing in my head and won't even take the time to properly work it out despite thinking we're perfect for one another."

>>17449391
No. How about
instead of dumping him
TALK

You don't quit a job and THEN come back and try to fix what made you quit and ask for your job back.

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>no good raisin

>>17449403
He wasn't all that good himself mentally imo. Had a few red flags

>>17449415
You're making excuses for your actions instead of trying to put yourself in his shoes. His red flags don't excuse your craziness. Stop it.

>>17449406
Well I'll remember this for next time if there is one

>>17449419
This.
A lot of anons already told you you have to stop making excuses and start actually doing and accepting things.
You're making excuses when they tell you this, so you keep circlejerking your fucking easy way out. Just stop for the love of god.
Excuses are like assholes, everyone got one and they all fucking stink.

>>17449424
Already told you I was and am getting professional help. Perhaps it sounds like making excuses but I'm just trying to reply to you all as you reply to this, one by one.

And you don't seem to understand I'm in a lot of pain now and obviously not thinking straight anyway.

>>17449436
And you don't seem to understand I'm in a lot of pain now and obviously not thinking straight anyway.

More excuses. You're just full of it OP, aren't you?

>>17449451
Well you're not helping either way

>>17449436
What does professional help actually do for you?
Ain't gonna do jackshit. They just milk your money and tell you what you really really want to hear or what you absolutely don't want to hear without giving you solutions.
Saying "I'm taking professional help" is like saying "I'm totally getting ripped, I went to the gym for the first time 3 weeks ago". You want something reassuring to say to yourself and to others because you don't want to gaze at the fact that you're situation is even shittier than what you think it is.

>>17449455
You made me not help with that reply. You made me feel worthless.

>>17449455
Judging solely by this thread you are in no condition do date anyone.

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>>17449253
My ex gf played the exact same game as you did OP. She was always saying she wanted to break up whenever she felt bad or anxious about our future, when in reality she was testing me to see how far I was willing to go for her. She had bad self esteem so she fed her ego by watching me suffer with the thought of losing her. It's a really, really shitty thing to do to your SO. You're emotional vampires. I suffered with that suicidal bitch and her mind games for 2.5 years and it nearly drove me mad. Fuck you OP, you're a grade A bitch and you don't even know it.

>>17449483
No I don't know it. All I see it as getting scared and running from everything.
>>17449469
Sorry?

>>17449253
>He just rolled over and accepted it, instead of saying "no this is bullshit and you know it, don't go anon". He was very cold and that hurt a lot.
ok stopped there. yeesh.

>>17449488
>All I see it as getting scared and running from everything.
Then you lack insight and respect for your (ex)partners. Read my post again and try to learn something.

>a few weeks ago
You'll be fine kid.

>He just rolled over and accepted it, instead of saying "no this is bullshit and you know it, don't go anon".
Pro tip, that's going to be how most people respond. This isn't rolling over, it's acknowledging you either want to end the relationship or have too many issues to have a healthy one. Adults don't play chicken with breaking up.

Stop watching romantic comedies, your behavior was stalker tier. If you wanted to talk, you should have texted him or messaged him on facebook or some shit. If he had blocked you, then it makes it painfully clear he does not want to associate with you yet you did so anyways.

>>17449391
You don't know what projecting is darling. There's a fundamental difference between saying "I'm thinking our relationship has no future", and making a knee jerk response and dumping him. The fact you cannot tell the difference is extremely concerning, and honestly I don't think dating should even be on the table for you right now.

>>17449391
How the fuck was he projecting? You should have just talked to the guy rather than breaking up with him you mong. I wouldn't have taken you back either.

Well continue getting help as you claimed you are. Don't hook up with someone if you still have some internal issues. Also the letters and all that after a week is a little much, I'd be turned off so much (a girl did that to me and I was thinking wtf is this some movie). Take it slow too. 1 week is nothing

>>17449269
>>17449269
>I am not the type of person to play games
>I randomly broke up with him for no good raisin

While I might think that saying "raisin" is fucking adorable, I feel like I'm getting mixed messages here...

>>17449483
This. This is the "no good raisin" you were talking about.
Evidence as shown:
>He just rolled over and accepted it, instead of saying "no this is bullshit and you know it, don't go anon". He was very cold and that hurt a lot.

You were testing him. You wanted him to say those things but he didn't, so you got disappointed. But because of your crippling fear of being alone you wanted him back.

It's not love OP. You are afraid of being alone. People like you are not prepared to be in a committed relationship with others. Work on the relationship with yourself first.

>>17449886
Also, that's the problem with you unstable folks. You expect too much from the other person without really giving much back. It's manipulative. Just a few weeks and you pull that shit on him. Really?
Nobody ever wants to think of themselves as someone who is manipulative or "likes to play mind games." You have to own up to what your intentions were and what you've done to stop another episode like this happening again to you.

>>17449886
Wow.

Not OP, but that gave me something to think about.

>>17449892
Sometimes I wonder if anyone is actually stable.

>>17449253
>Tonight I made the 30 mile drive (an hour away basically) to his place and no one was home, so I left a note wedged into the door saying Id be at the park, and that I wanted to speak to him in person. I waited for three hours and no one showed up.
Not everyone is some omega-male who plays games with someone who doesn't care about how their SO feels. In fact I would say more often than not guys will cut off.

>At this rate you might only be able to keep some basement-dweller crawling back toward you when you do this shit.

>>17449253
>I am not the type of person to play games
>I randomly broke up with him for no good raisin
>instead of saying "no this is bullshit and you know it, don't go anon". He was very cold and that hurt a lot.

You are a selfish, delusional, petty human being. You lack any self-awareness of your actions, and how they impact other people.

Please be a troll. Do not dive into another relationship. You already hurt someone for no good reason, blamed other people for your behavior, then went to great lengths to play the victim. Stop getting to attached to people after one date, that's clingy, and you're only going to be hurting yourself.

The concept that someone is this deluded, so contrived in their actions, is sickening.
>>17449886
This man is speaking the truth. Listen to him, and stop projecting your unrealistic expectations onto other people.

>>17449293
>I was willing to work it out. But he simply rolled over and accepted everything instead. I'm always willing to work things out

>I played with someone's emotions, hurt them, and chalked it up to anxiety so I'm not responsible for my actions, how dare he not give me another chance. Wow what a pushover.

that "pulling feeling" is called attraction, I've met grade school children with greater emotional depth.

>>17449253
What a load of bullshit. You want everyone to walk on eggshells around you and guess whatever the fuck it is the matter. What is your name?

>>17449253
Get your life in order and work on your abysmal personality and anxiety issues. You are a living, breathing red flag and in no way in a condition for a relationship.

I know a girl also going to a therapist with similar issues to you. It doesnt help her cause she isnt able to change herself and mindset. Unless you decide to put in effort to fix your issues, you have no right to place any expectations on others. Get yourself together or dont and stay out of peoples lives so you dont hurt them in your attempts for validation.

This thread is up. I abandoned it last night

>>17450363
Have you tried fixing yourself yet ?

>>17450363
"I abandoned it" surprising no one.

>>17450375
Well I don't know where to start. Lots of people are saying get help, but someone said therapy milks you for money. I don't know which one to believe

>>17450382
Well yeah. All I learned is that I'm undatable. Was surprised this kept going overnight. You're not going to get me to stick around if you keep shitting on me

>>17450387
Look, I'm a person who has been through therapy for his anger issues, and I have an ex-gf who went through it for abandonment and trust issues. It worked for both of us. Therapy is only a waste of time and money so long as you're not willing to listen and do as you're suggested to, and actually keep focusing on it.

I've seen no one say you're undateable. But you, yourself, have admitted to running away. That means that even if you started to date, it'd go nowhere. In essence, it means before you can start dating properly, you have to fix your issues of abandoning people. Whether that means going to therapy, or simply learning to trust people when they say they want to be with you, it's up to you. But until you fix it, you'll be stuck in this rut and hurt people further.

There are literally millions of guys who would date you. That, by default, means you're not undateable. The problem is your commitment issues.

>>17450393
So
>commitment issues
>abandonment issues
>trust issues

I said to my psychologist I needed help asap, to manage my anxiety/depression, because he is just a coach. I have to want to improve. And I do. Right this second? No. Long term? Yes

Wanna know what got me so broken? It's likely my disfunctional home life and being in too many relationships one after the other. Just trying to find who's right for me.

But some people may have a point in saying I'm manipulative without knowing it, because lots of people I've been with hate me, because breakups were on bad terms. No I don't understand

>>17450399
The first step is admitting you have issues, and that's really all you can do until you get through the psychology sessions. If you don't understand yourself, that's the point of psychology.

There's no point in posting on 4chan and expecting a bunch of pseudointellectual cynics who have been damaged by manipulative women in the past to give you strong answers, and you especially can't expect them to give you answers in one day that'll fix all your major problems when they literally don't know you as a person, and the only thing they've heard of you from someone other than you is in that text message, which doesn't speak highly of you, and a lot of people can probably relate to feeling that way.

I'll answer your question in the OP about what you can do to get over this, and this is as someone who very recently had his heart broken by someone who sounds a lot like you - go to your psychology/therapy sessions, stop paying attention to how you are -right now-, pay more attention to who you want to be. If you think you're manipulative, mention it to the psychologist, tell them that you've been told that by people you've mentioned your issues to, and open up to them about things in your relationships. If you don't understand, you're simply trying to learn. It doesn't matter whether you understand right now or not. If you understood yourself, you'd never have committed the mistakes you did. My ex-gf was schizophrenic, bipolar and had BPD, but she never questioned herself, nor understood herself. But, unlike you, she also didn't want to get help for her issues and fix herself.

I think you're on the right track, honestly. Just focus on being who you want to be, any thoughts you're having, mention them to your psychologist.

wow this bitch is crazy. lol pretty sure if a guy did this he'd have a swat team bust open his fuckin door. creepy AF senpai

>>17450413
Thank you for your words. You are entirely correct. I just came to 4chan to get an outside opinion, and boy did I get it. You're right, they don't "know" me outside of a few texts from someone who was stressed, hurt, and mentally shutting down.

I like the stop paying attention to how I am right now, and focus more on who I want to be. That's a great way of putting it since I tend to overthink.

I want to understand and get better. End goal, I just want someone to love and be loved with, to share life with, and cuddle and hold. I want long term companionship from a partner, not a dog or animal. I just want to stop doing the thing where I get scared and run from everything instead of saying "hey I need to talk to you" or "I want you to want me" or "hey I'm really scared, if I say something out of place ignore it"

>>17450425
Yeah, no worries. Just glad I could help.

As someone in a similar position, just wanting someone you can trust in to stay beside you, I'll tell you from firsthand experience that just wanting someone for the sole purpose of not being lonely will not net you the person you're looking for. You'll likely hurt both yourself and the person you find to fill that void.

Before you can properly love someone else, you need to love yourself. No one else can fix your issues, it's up to you. If you recognize you have issues, fix them. Anyone who would care about you as you desire them to would recognize that you're at least trying to make efforts and wouldn't judge you solely on those things you're trying to change. If they couldn't recognize that, they're not who you're looking for.

In short, don't force yourself to be with a lot of people to find someone. You should spend at least a month getting to know someone before allowing yourself to 'fall' for them, in my opinion. It's hard, I know, as the heart wants what it wants and you can't turn it on and off. But, even still, you need to not cave into those desires until you know for sure the person you're going to be with isn't going to hurt you. Personally, I believe that before making any real commitments, give yourself a few months, so that the Honeymoon period has time to wear off. It'll be better for both sides. Don't rush yourself to try to ensure a relationship will stay in place, because all you'll do is push people away. It sounds stupid, I know, but trust me does it suck when it happens. If the person you like is the person who will fill that void you're looking for, a small amount of time like that, in the long lives we have, will be nothing in comparison.

It's a really cliche line, but don't force love. If you're getting into a relationship for the sake of not being alone, you'll be alone. You should be getting into one because you've given yourself the time to ensure nothing's going to go wrong.

>>17450444
It's a difficult balance isn't it? Wanting companionship, yet you shouldn't pursue others just to fill that lonely void inside you.

Is it normal to fall in love fast? Are you saying that if I feel attraction, I should not simply blurt out "I like you"? I thought guys like it when you are honest about feelings, instead of wondering if either of you like each other. And I should wait at least a month to blurt out "I love you" instead of being premature with it?

I agree it sucks when the relationship is rushed and everyone ends up getting hurt. That's happened to me many times. Speaking from experience.

As everyone said, I have a lot to work on and I shouldn't get right into relationships for a bit

>>17450444
P.S: I can clearly understand everything you are saying. I'd like to stay in contact with you, can we? Preferably through text not email because I don't check email often

>>17450456
Talking from my perspective, I prefer it when the woman makes a stand about her desires, rather than playing the waiting game and expecting the guy to say everything. The only issue with it is that the times I've had it happen, it was always really early on, got my hopes up, then I end up committing to it too early. Naive and all that, I guess.

A line that did help with one of my exes was that she didn't say she liked me, but she told me early on when she was getting feelings, but she didn't want to rush it. It gave me hope, but it also told me not to expect anything just yet. Sadly, that turned out to be a failure, too, due to unforseen circumstances.

If you want a blunt answer, I'd say being blunt is fine, being honest is fine, but don't tell people that you're ready to full commit to a lifelong goal or anything right away, especially not during the first few weeks. Mention your feelings if a relevant opportunity arises (if you're talking about a serious topic related to it, or something). Feel free to be monogamous early and all that, mention that you want to date early on if you're scared they might find someone else before you can give your 100% on your feelings, etc.

tl;dr I think you should hold off on the 'love' thing before you know for sure they feel the same way. Feel free to tell them you're catching feelings and all that, but you want to take it slow. While it feels awesome to hear that someone likes you so much, so early on, it's also nervewracking because any guy who has been a rebound, or in a relationship with someone unsure, or even most guys who have just been dumped instead of being the dumpee, know about the Honeymoon period. Especially since it's usually women who lose their feelings faster during that period. Not always, but statistically more likely.

>>17450460
Sure. Skype, or Steam, or any of that stuff I'm cool with. They're my main two contact methods.
Drop a message at [email protected] about whatever you prefer. It's a throwaway email I have, just to avoid people on this site pulling dumb shit if I give away actual info.

>>17450464
Okay, all this makes a lot of sense. Perfect clarity. I'm scared I might either be autistic, or just so isolated/shut in that I'm unfamiliar with dating norms. It's taking you explaining things to me to make sense. Because I am honest but to a stupid, over-revealing degree.

Please tell me more so that I don't be like your mentally ill ex (the one with BPD). I want to learn from you and improve so I don't end up like her.

>>17450474
Not that guy but I have been through the meat grinder with my bpd bipolar partner. She has abandonment issues and uncontrollable rage episodes, I use that word instead of temper tantrum because comparing a childs tantrum to a fully grown adults mental blowout paints a much clearer picture.

At the worst point literally anything would "trigger" her. The worst part is she cannot internally reflect that she has problems deep inside that she won't even peek at to fix. This is incredibly draining for me to deal with and the part that cuts me to pieces is that she couldn't give a fuck about my side of the story or how I feel, it must always be about her feelings and making her feel better as fast as possible. Which means I have to throw my side of the argument along with all my feelings and thoughts into the bin or else we will fight to the crack of dawn then I gotta go to work.... Im not saying your as crazy as my partner you are most likely cut from the same ilk though I doubt as extreme as her.

Heres a front row seat of dealing with mental disorders: the escalation

>Irrational behaviour, illogical, paranoid, jealous, insecure
>Screaming, swearing, shouting
> Little to no remorse , no guilt or shame, "it's your fault why do you treat me like this ?!!?"
>Throwing items near you, smashing objects
>Violence, hitting, pushing, throwing items at you,
>Self harm, cutting, suicide threats, suicide attempts, this is where it gets fun and you gotta wreslte with your partner before they stab themselves in the eye with scissors, but be careful you don't get stabbed, keep blocking all their attacks while your at it oh and don't forget all the broken glass on the ground because that can sometimes be overlooked.

1/2

>>17450534

2/2

Think that can only happen in the safety of your house? ... Think again people with personality disorders do not give a fuck where when who what how or why it's RIGHT NOW from 1 to 1000 in a second. Your on a highway they are screaming in your ear, Your driving your car ? They rip the handbrake , your in a fancy restaurant dining with other couples.. nope sorry fuck you I'm making a scene because in my brain I believe that because X just happened now everyone must deal with me until I feel better

You made me quite jealous tonight, coming back again and accepting your flaws, trying to fix them, viewing yourself analytically. I would kill for my girl to do that. I think it would be too late Now anyway so much insanity has happened. Goodluck

>>17449253
>just want to love and be loved
>lel just kidding, I'm going to break up with you for no reason cuz I'm crazy and special like that

I bathe in your tears.

>>17449280
>you aren't going to be able to love someone else until you love yourself

Straight outta Compton. Kill yourself.

>>17449253
>Guys I'm hurt real bad, this is going to be hard to type
Do you mind cry into a botle? I'm thirsty.
>I randomly broke up with him for no good raisin
>"He accepted it and that hurt me :'("
What you expect bitch? You wanna someone crawling for you while you shit at him?
Holy shit congratulations, you rustled my jimmies. I would kill you if I knew where you live.

She got BTFO'd last night guys , she's back attempting to better herself be gentle

>>17450700
She dindu nuffin she's turning her life around

lmao

>>17450703
First of all chief I said attempting to better herself, turning her life around since she made the OP is a stretch.

She got BTFO last night and it was funny when she would not look at the situation from a 3rd persons perspective. She seems more receptive than last night that's at least a start

>>17450728
Op is crazy retarded and will never have a real relationship

>>17449253
You say you met him a couple of times and we're falling in love and then a week later blew him off, and you wonder why he was 'cold'?

Seriously, from his point of view if he goes out with a girl a couple of times and she drops him, why would he be upset by it? He's got to move on. If he got cut up by a few dates not turning into anything after a week then he'd be destroyed by dating. It's normal after a few dates to call it a day, he thought you weren't interested. Writing a letter to change your mind and hanging around near his house for him seems like you're messing him around, it comes across a bit crazy, and most people don't like dramatics.

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>>17450534
>>17450539
Dude, leave the bitch before she fucking murders you in your sleep. She will never get better with you enabling her total cunt behavior.

Respect yourself bro. Leave her. You'll feel better instantly, trust me. I'm >>17449483 and my ex sounds exactly like your gf. These whores ain't worth shit! Fuck her in the ass one last time and dump the bitch!

>>17450745
For the first time a tripfag has reason.
I can't believe I'm writing this.

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>>17450756
It doesn't take rocket appliances to realize how crazy OP is

>>17450534
>>17450539
Goodness no I'm not like that. I'm more of a danger to myself than would ever think of hurting someone I loved in those ways

>>17450700
I got the advice I needed. In a form I can remember:
Don't directly dwell on my problems, while I live life not expecting to find someone, and if I do, don't rush into things..
I do take notes so even if I don't feel shitty in any exact moment, I have written proof of my flaws. Because I surely do not WANT to be a sad sack all the time. I very much like to be happy

>>17450745
Don't you think this is kind of ironic coming from the resident named shitposter? I've seen plenty of your posts and you don't seem all that mentally well either

>>17450748
Well it's done and over and I'm sorry

>>17450759
I know, but don't push your luck tripfag.
Fuck off now.

The general consensus of this thread is that OP is a flaky cunt with bad self-esteem and abandonment issues who needs a long period of therapy before even considering dating.

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>>17450762
Save someone in the future some trouble and die alone

>>17450539
>>17450534
I dated a BPD girl like this once. It was hell. Never again.

>>17450769
But that is at my worst though. As with everyone here we don't "know" each other fully

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>>17450762
>Don't you think this is kind of ironic coming from the resident named shitposter? I've seen plenty of your posts and you don't seem all that mentally well either
Haha hahaha this tripfag got BTFO by OP, a reeking pile of cunt juice and emotional bullshit
top kek

It seems there is hope for OP after all

>>17450779
Wow something that's been said countless times

really makes u think..

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>>17450779
Like I said you're seeing me at my worst. You haven't seen me at my best. I very much like to be happy and not depressed, and always seeking self improvement. I hate stagnation and I love moving forward in life. As for behavior when I'm someone's girlfriend, I will go out of my way to please my partner because I like making them happy, and I like being happy. Even after being hurt a lot it won't change that I'm very caring towards people I get close to

>>17450775
It's at our worst and most desperate we show our true colors. Try and learn something from this thread OP. It seems like you're not as bad as we first thought. The first step to improving yourself and becoming happy is realizing what are your faults and issues without making up excuses.

>>17450787
People like you end up in the bathroom with blood dripping on the tile from your botched suicide

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>>17450784
It doesn't seem to make YOU think though

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>>17450797

I don't really have anything better to do right now

>>17450793
I do a lot of self introspection so I know, clear as day, what my faults are, what makes me sad (and how to avoid it), and stuff I can do to better manage myself. I don't take medication and don't want to. That's easymode.

>>17450795
Fuck off already. Besides that isn't a good way to kill yourself. It's needy and says "look at me". If I were to kill myself it would not be that way since I would not be trying to scream for attention. Just end the pain.

By the way I'll have you know I stopped cutting myself a long time ago. I realized it's not attractive and it's hard to hide scars. So I don't do that anymore. I very much prefer to manage my issues rather than self harm

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>>17450798
Do you ever?

Does trolling make you happy?

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>>17450803
You managed your issues real well by randomly breaking up with someone you buffoon

Pretty funny I nailed the cutting right on the head

>>17450804
I think he just wants attention just like a lot of human beings. But now is not the time. Can't you just go outside or something man? Go for a walk in the park and play Pokemon go?

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>>17450804
Its a useless time sink like everything else in life

>>17450803
>I do a lot of self introspection so I know, clear as day, what my faults are, what makes me sad (and how to avoid it), and stuff I can do to better manage myself.
You didn't realize until very recently how manipulative you were though. You told yourself you were scared and had to break up, when in reality you didn't want a break up, you wanted more attention. You're on the right path though, keep going to herapy with an open mind and you'll ecentually be totally fine!

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>>17450806
There's nothing to to outside

Why would I want to go out there?

>>17450811
It really is. I agree. It's nothing like the real Pokemon games you can play on the handhelds. I had fun with it for a bit but it quickly lost its luster


Anyway right now everyone I have shit to do and can't be crying and wasting my life away. Time to take advice to heart

>>17450819
to do*

>>17450815
It's one of those things where you don't notice till someone tells you. I just want to be wanted and loved just like everyone else. Truth be told i hadn't seen him in person for like a week and was starting to miss him. He was 30 miles away, in a different state, and that translated to a 45, 60 minute drive which is my my terms, long distance. Because I work retail, we couldn't meet up easily every day. We could only see each other in person like twice a week and those were on my off days which are in the middle of the week.

So yes I admit I probably just wanted some attention. But I did not say "hey anon I need some love I miss you" I did something very bad


>>17450819
You may be annoying but I'd go outside with you. All my hobbies are either outside or don't involve a computer nowadays

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>>17450835
We'd fall in love too probably until you stab me in the back and post on 4chan about it

So can anyone advise me on what to say and do IN THE MOMENT that I'm scared and feel like running or breaking up?

>>17450920
"Whatever I'm feeling is temporary"

>>17450933
That works.

In all this sucks pretty much, losing someone you cared about is never happy.

Help a bro over here, is this thread about borderline personality disorder?

OP, you don't seem to understand that the state of being/not-being commited to a relationship is very important for some people (and it should be for most, but that is just my guess), when someone respects you in a relationship it means your decisions and words have weight.
Your partner is not to be your babysitter, he won't tell you what you should decide or do so if you say you want to break up it is to be assumed that you really want it (way more than staying) that kind of behavior is second worst only to cheating.

If you want a good relationship you may need to understand that it's not some kind of experimental playground where commitment or loyalty are nothing but words that can be mended by saying "sorry".

>>17450977
This cunt is unbelievable.

>>17450983
This thread isn't about BPD. It's about fear, abandonment issues, trust issues, commitment issues, and getting help

>>17450987
And so are you. What the fuck is wrong with you? You gonna give advice or what? Or keep kicking someone while they're down? Pretty soon not everyone will keep taking it.

I fucking said I had gotten some good advice and was taking it.
Thread over.

>>17450987
If you knew anything, you'd know that indeed it hurts when you lose someone you cared about in your life. You gonna keep baiting or what? Have anything more to say?

As they say, when you've hit rock bottom, the only place left to go is up

>>17449253
You're a fucking psycho, and men know bot to stick their dick in crazy.

You fucking BROKE UP WITH HIM. You should have NO expectation of ever seeing him again after that. Why is that so hard for women? If I get broken up with the it means the girl is dead to me. Never to be contacted again.
Oh, you want a guy to "fight for you"? You dumb bitch, those are the kind of guys that fucking kill your pets and call you 50x a night breathing heavily into your phone.

You fucked up and have no one to blame but yourself, and my advice is to right now walk to the nearest mirror, call yourself a dumb bitch outloud, and mentally promise yourself to never make the same mistake again.

>>17451031
Not fight for me, just call my bluff, call me out on my bullshit. P.S: cutting contact with everyone is a great way to end up with no one in your life

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>>17449253
>>17449269
>>17449272
this is exACly how /adv/ should go. this is precisely how it has to work.

goddamn I'm so happy with this thread, with the story, and with the response.
chapau 4chan. you did it once. now keep at it.
this is gold

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>>17450977
I see a lot of myself in you

Suppose we are kindred spirits that will never meet but I'll know you're out there

>>17451030
More proof that you are a petty human being. You love talking about yourself. Even after realizing you manipulated that stupid fuck, it's back to how you bad it made you feel. This person was not a significant figure in your life, you are being melodramatic, oversensitive. That is going to come back to bite you, if you cannot handle the stress of the real world.
>>17451002
Your passive-aggressive attitude. How you are eventually going to treat other people, once you've ragequit for the fifth time, none of the advice given here is going to fix your malicious behavior if you don't drastically change yourself.

You have a terrible habit of trying to close the conversation, as if you still think know what's best, brushing it off in a manner that makes it appear everything goes through one ear and out the other. Good luck with therapy.

>>17451041
Everything will come down to time, unfortunately. You have to wait it out and go with your gut feeling. The thing I don't like about your original post was that you just broke up without talking anything out yet a couple of posts later you day that you're willing work things out and talk about them. You can't just do it on your own schedule, especially when someone else, who you claim to care about's feelings are pretty much at your mercy. Work on that right there. Actually mean it when you say you're willing to work it out, by doing it when you're feeling your problem. That's how your do it. I'm guilty of it too, that's how I know.

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Booty

>>17451041
>just call me out on my bullshit

sounds like he did.

there is one thing that men want from women.

Loyalty.

You failed. Don't fail in the future.

>>17451080
You are completely right. The "no wait anon lets work it out" was pure regret. I did not actually want to break up. I just wanted to run. I was very scared for some irrational reasons. I just wanted to drop everything and run. I don't hate he guy. I wasn't dishonest. I didn't cheat, lie, or steal. I just have trust and fear and abandonment issues. And most disturbingly, I'm not used to everything being right. I'm used to everything being wrong. All I can do is better manage myself and maybe keep my mouth shut about certain things

>>17451139
>>17451073
Why are you still bumping this? I got the advice I needed. Do you just wanna make a thread and shitpost with me? I really don't like Shitposting, I like giving advice on subjects I have experience in

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>>17451354
God works in mysterious ways

I'm just havin' a bit of fun m8

To be honest OP, I think you should try to be much more rational/cold-hearted and less emotional yourself. Try to remain clear-headed, and while not in charge of your emotions, try to tell yourself they can't get to you, and stuff like that. You know, this actually works and helps. Jus telling yourself that things are gonna be alright or blocking out unpleasant things. Your ex did this ("I'm shutting down mentally"), and he did it because it is the rational thing to do, because that's the way to avoid being uncomfortable and making stupid decisions. He also assumed you to be a rational human being who is in charge of their decisions and knows what they are doing, and that's why he did not go "no this is bullshit and you know it" when you let your emotions trick you into breaking up with him. He assumed you had reasons.
Aknowledging that nothing *really* matters and not putting ambigious but emotional ideas like love or "being wanted" etc. on a pedestal helps. This also allows you to identify your emotions, lets you articulate them.

>>17450977
But that's wrong. You didn't "lose" anybody, you sent them away. This was an active action of yours. There was some process in your mind that made you do that decision. If it turned out to not make you happy, then it was what we call "a mistake". You might want to reflect on what the process in your mind was, and readjust it.

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Yeah, you do not seem entirely mentally stable. As a guy with depression, who has been in long term relationships with women like you, I would say the exact same thing to you that he did. Your behavior also seems massively out of touch with reality.

>a week later
>falling in love
>many happy memories

Yeah, nah. Do NOT subject another person to your "love" until you've sorted your shit out, you're not right in the head.

>>17451364
>emotions, you aren't the boss of me!
Like that? By the way I like this reply and have read it several times over

>>17451379
That's the plan. I have a very bad family life a do noticed it affects me to a great degree. That's one of the reasons I'm so broken. In my family something is always wrong. And if somethings right, they find a way to make it wrong. I don't feel safe at home, there's a lot of domestic abuse (verbal, emotional, and lots of physical)

imo I shouldn't have been born in the first place, I didn't ask for this

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>>17451387
Can we get married yet

>>17449253
>But then one day my anxiety got the best of me and I randomly broke up with him for no good raisin.

Red flag. I'd do the same in his place. I'd block you as well after all this stalking period you described. He's probably more experienced than you and know where this goes, I won't give you any /adv/ beside leaving him alone. Even If you don't I think this guy is smart enough to not get into this twice.

>>17451404
I'm not interested anymore. He made it clear. He does not have more experience than me unless he lied about it, but I have no reason to believe he'd lie. I was the second girl he was with in his life

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>>17451411
Come on be game

>>17450977
Well then don't break up with them ;)

>just one week
>already this clingy

Chris did the right thing

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Thanks for all the (You)'s

Have anything to say? I'm already in the process of moving on

>>17451511
Post tits

>>17451520
This.

He is kind of right

Not that you should take it personally, though

If he is suffering from the same anxiety, how else do you think he was going to handle it? He doesn't want to feel hurt, either, and as far as I can see, he didn't call you any names or acted like an asshole

All this said, it's not your fault, nor should you really feel terrible about this or yourself, you said you wanted therapy, I say go for it, I understand, as a total romantic dweeb myself, how promising a relationship looks like, but it is a two way street, and he can't count on you if you are yourself trying to figure things out

Might sound disrespectful, but I don't really see the big issue, I think you gained some experience and insight, and you're going to be great, so long as you take it easy on yourself

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>>17452526
Hey it's op again. I hate necroing threads but I'd really rather not create a new one, instead contain myself to this one.

So I'm already making progress and getting better and trying to understand why I do what I do. My therapist is just a coach: he can't fix me, only I can. And I have to want to improve, and I do!

Made a big breakthrough thanks to you guys: I realized I might have actually been manipulative. I had no idea. See if do this thing where I'd break up randomly for no good reason, even if things are going well. I learned a major thing: it's not because I want to leave, it's because I want attention. So the right thing to say to my partner is "Hey anon I need a little love". I noticed I try to break up for no reason when I haven't seen the person in a while and start to get lonely. But yeah this is a major breakthrough for me. I can finally stop his shit maybe

So yeah getting a lot of help and getting better day by day

>>17453588
>>>17452526
>Hey it's op again. I hate necroing threads but I'd really rather not create a new one, instead contain myself to this one.
>So I'm already making progress and getting better and trying to understand why I do what I do. My therapist is just a coach: he can't fix me, only I can. And I have to want to improve, and I do!
>Made a big breakthrough thanks to you guys: I realized I might have actually been manipulative. I had no idea. See if do this thing where I'd break up randomly for no good reason, even if things are going well. I learned a major thing: it's not because I want to leave, it's because I want attention. So the right thing to say to my partner is "Hey anon I need a little love". I noticed I try to break up for no reason when I haven't seen the person in a while and start to get lonely. But yeah this is a major breakthrough for me. I can finally stop his shit maybe
>So yeah getting a lot of help and getting better day by day

It sounds a little like you have bpd traits. You may want to bring that up to your counselor.

Also, if you a decent looking girl who has hobbies, you will find someone.

Just take time to fix your brokenness and you will be fine.

>>17453597
I'm fairly attractive, and I love all my hobbies. I think my hobbies are cool. For example, I don't know anyone else in real life at least who flies kites, it seems to be a forgotten hobby.

I will bring up the manipulativeness and possible BPD traits to my therapist this afternoon. I'll see what he says.

And time heals all wounds

>>17453791
>>>17453597 (You)
>I'm fairly attractive, and I love all my hobbies. I think my hobbies are cool. For example, I don't know anyone else in real life at least who flies kites, it seems to be a forgotten hobby.
>I will bring up the manipulativeness and possible BPD traits to my therapist this afternoon. I'll see what he says.
>And time heals all wounds

Yeah you seem like a catch. Use this experience to grow as a person and you'll be fine.

Don't get discouraged. Even robots find love too.

>>17453795
What is BPD anyway? Bipolar disorder?

>>17453803
>>>17453795 (You)
>What is BPD anyway? Bipolar disorder?

No, but it's similar. It's borderline personality disorder.

Basically from my understanding it is when your emotions are too intense so you cannot process them correctly. You either shut down or lash out.

Things like breaking up for no reason is a symptom of it, as well with stalking and refusing to let go of people.

>>17453810
Sounds like what I have except for the breaking up randomly.

I'm glad you finally realized it, and you're working on it. Well done. Keep at it.

>>17453810
>lashing out and hurting people you love
I have never done this and never had a need/desire to. Even when someone hurts me I never have the urge to hit or assault my partner

I just think I'm naive, clingy, depressed, and confused. I don't think I have any sort of major mental illnesses. I just want love like everyone else
>>17453891
Thank you anon!

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>>17449253
>I randomly broke up with him for no good raisin. He just rolled over and accepted it, instead of saying "no this is bullshit and you know it, don't go anon". He was very cold and that hurt a lot.

Fuck this gay earth

>>17449253
You can't break up with someone fo rno reason then expect to come back fine. I would be cold to. That's my go to reaction for bitches that play games, which is probably what he thought you were doing. He's not going to fight for something that you so easily threw away. You've become more a burden than ablessing

>>17449346
>>17449368
>>17449377
>>17449391
>>17450474

You sound like an absolute crazy bitch special snowflake who just wants to blame everything around her/him for things you did. YOU fucked up. YOU are the problem. YOU need to fix your own problems, by yourself. Stop making excuses like, "I'm a scared little bitch who runs away from everything"
It's your fault.

>>17453588
Pretty neat

I should go get therapy

What are the economics, my man?