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I can't stop sabotaging myself, and I don't know why.
Last year was my first year of college, I met a guy who really like me, and we started dating. He was my first real bf but it only lasted 3 months because I sabotaged it by expressing my anxiety and paranoia that it wouldn't work.
He tried to take me back a few weeks ago, but I refused to see him out of anxiety. I would still call him and tell him how I didn't think he was being sincere and I thought he was just doing it out of guilt.
Here I am, now, weeks later, feeling incredibly empty. I don't have a job, or friends, because I once did but pushed them away/quit. All I can think about is my ex and how happy he once made me. I called him this morning and basically begged him. He told me we could never be together.
I just feel so ripped off. I can't stop thinking of ways I could kill myself. I feel like this is all my fault. I had everything, but I pushed it away because I was afraid.
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>>17441025
See a fucking shrink, jesus. Get tested for whatever.
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>>17441035
Already done. I have anxiety but I refuse to take the mess my doctors gave me. They make me feel zombie-like
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>>17441061
Have you tried a few different options for medication? See another psychiatrist and get a second opinion. None of this stuff is one-size-fits-all. You might be able to find a different medication, or a different dosage, or just new coping strategies that can help you live with your symptoms without intolerable side effects.
Sometimes it takes a little trial-and-error, don't give up on the whole process just because you don't like THESE meds. It sounds like you clearly want to make a change, but your disorder is holding you back. This is the exact moment you should seek professional help
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>>17441025
it is all your fault, congratulations
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>>17441025
Been in the same place OP
I pushed so many people out of my life because I of my Ego, anxiety, depression and mood swings
but there was one time where I got jealous and decided to humiliate one of my closest friends because another guy liked her
I tried gaining her trust back but I just gave up because it wasn't worth it hurting myself further and that's how I just closed up mentally and abandoned everything, My part time job, My friends
I lost everything and almost killed myself but I'm still depressed but time will tell if I will carry the memories or move on and live in the present
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Go to church or see a doctor.
Practice meditation and yoga.
When you get anxious about something, that's when you know YOU SHOULD DO IT.
Think of your anxiety as a reverse conscious. Whenever you are paranoid about doing something, that's when you know you doing it will be good for you.
Just don't do anything actually stupid that would lead to you getting physically hurt.
Social anxiety is all bullshit and you can fight it easily
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>>17441025
>anxiety and paranoia thati t wouldnt work
its not paranoia if its true. you're young, and even if you werent young, 99.9% of relationships end. people act as if they're supposed to last forever and they're failures if they dont.
you just date hwo you like for as long as you can while its still enjoyable and go from there.
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