I'm starting to draw to the conclusion that there's

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I'm starting to draw to the conclusion that there's likely no one out there for me. That I'm just not as lovable a person as I hoped. That there really isn't many redeeming qualities to make me a person anyone would anything more than an acquaintanceship with. That I don't really have anyone meaningful in my life, nor am I remotely meaningful in anyone else's. That at the end of the day, I'm just a minor foreground, or perhaps the background detail, in the paintings of everyone else's life. That I just don't matter as much as I thought, or wanted, to be. That I'm just always going to be someone others will consistently brush to the side or put on the shelf for later. While I virtually have nothing, no one, to preoccupy myself with. No one to meet or form relationships with. No place to go in such a pursuit. Virtually no friends, acquaintances, to do fuck all with. Every time I try it alone, they always come out as some of the most dismal, heart-wrenching, and horrifying experiences that I can fathom; in turn making me too afraid to leave the house at times. And no matter what, regardless of what I try otherwise, I'm as unimportant to everybody as both of us realise. That neither of us have any place in our lives. That I'm just meagre to those I call friends, family, colleagues, loved ones, etc. And that my presence to everyone I meet, or know, has less weight to it than breezes in the wind.

Anyway, what's a good drink to stave away the current depression? I'm thinking of a glass of Jägermeister and coke.