So, I have a question, since /adv/ is often also wellversed in

>>17437212
Well if 50 shades of Grey can become a bestseller, I don't see why this concept is improbable. That said, what you are discussing is negative reinforcement and on paper it works, the issue is that it only helps if the person genuinely wants to improve or the helper is literally screaming down their throat like those American weight shows.

I think /lit/ may be better for story advice however. I personally would suggest to tone down the sexual tones. Psychological manipulation and help is a very real thing, but through the medium you are suggesting which sounds smutty, I would suggest a more toned down and interesting concept. It sounds too sensational and off for a mainstream audience and unless you're going out there for the shock factor, perhaps take a different more heartwarming angle.

Sexuality is very hard to do skillfully, either in film or literature. Its very hard to get right and done poorly or too graphically, can be rather cringe. In my view, your concept somewhat OTT to the point of absurdity. The guy starts as malicious and would imply undertones of an abusive character, then turns out to be alright?

If you're in the US, that might do well in the small erotica area but I would suggest first and foremost to read over the current marketed books there or completely re-evaluate your story in regards to the BDSM relationship. This could, with a fair bit of tweaking, be a good concept of someone helping another, except with dark undertones. Tearing apart the element if discreetness with outright smut, well, there is a reason most giggle at erotica. 50 Shades I feel was a very fortunate exception.

>>17437212

I think it's defenitely impropable, but if you write it with the right amount of subtlety and maybe even some black humor (think Roald Dahl) it might become pretty catchy. But the amount of detail you describe in your synopsis makes me think you might prefer writing drama or romance. In that case I think the story might end up as a bit of an unbelieveable chicklit.

These are just some of my speculation of course!

OP here.

>I personally would suggest to tone down the sexual tones

Absolutely. BDSM is just a background for sketching out a relationship

>perhaps take a different more heartwarming angle
I can come up with some ideas, but I'd love to hear some from you too

>If you're in the US, that might do well in the small erotica area but
I'm not an english speaker, I'm from Europe. And the point of the story would be relationships with almost no smuttyness

>This could, with a fair bit of tweaking, be a good concept of someone helping another, except with dark undertones

This is what I'm going for.

I can mention I have won a few short story contests so far and I have some hopes for this to come out ok. I'm mostly troubled by this question: Could a broken person even be pushed toward challenges and positive things and be changed enough with this?

thanks for all answers

>>17437212
>Do you think its completelly unprobable?
I didn't think you wanted it to be realistic while reading that.

>>17437297
I think, if you were aiming for realism, you need to go back to square 1 cause a lot of your relationship dynamic from your quick draft sounds unhealthy at best and downright malfunctional at worst. I have a fair few ideas of my own but I would prefer to put my ideas in art form. Just off the top of my head, I suppose a young woman who finds herself upon a troubled teenager and seeing his problem, tries to slowly get to know him. As he begins to open up, they both begin to realize more and more of each other, in particular a more raunchy side. The interesting take of this is that the girl would be, 25-26 while the guy would be 20 or so. Lots of good erotica ideas to go from there with a nice balance of cute awkwardness and some steamy stuff as they both become familiar.

There is a lot you could work with but sorry if I am wrong, sounds like you don't have much experience with literature or erotic literature. I'd say hit the drawing board, read up on stuff and work from there.

>>17437873
OP here.

No problem, I appreciate the feedback. Admitedly, I have no experience with erotic literature - a type of literature this is not supposed to be.

What I'm aiming for is something unhealthy and malfunctional, that despite expectations, melds into something good.

>>17437884
My bad, thought it was meant to be erotica, what with the mention of BDSM. That is very hard to do. There is a host of other factors you need to consider, not just how the story is going to pan out, but your writing style, delivery, your target demograph and so on. Afraid I wouldn't be much more help to you, you'd be working with something very difficult in subject matter. The reason most relationships which are unhealthy and malfunctional is well, because they are.

Head over to /lit/ anon, fraid you won't find much help here.

>>17437904
I have to say I'm very happy with feedback here. Thanks