Help me /adv/ understand submissive men. They actually enjoy

>>17426726
In psychology, they linked that to his parents and how he was treated, mostly by the mother. He must realize the reason he's being turned on and why it's bad, that's the only way he'll get out of it. But it sounds easier said than done.

>>17426920
Do you have more detailed knowledge of the psychology of this?

>>17426923
I'm not really specialized in this. But I think this is what you're describing of your friend. psychcentral.com/disorders/dependent-personality-disorder-symptoms/

In the end, better get him to face his problem in his relations, and then get a specialist. I'd say you need to avoid making an early jugement about him and what I'm showing you, there is no way for us to know if that is the problem, just make him realize how dangerous he is too himself.

>>17426726
you already made this thread

>>17426961
This is WAY easier said than done.

I have read your link, and there are a lot of useful information in it, but the strange thing about him is that in normal life when he's not around these women, he can act quite confident and normal, and his shit is together. It's just as if he has some wrong and warped sense of what a fulfilling relationship is, and he doesn't recognize the abuse. When I talk with him about this, he just says that men are genetically determined to serve and please women.

>>17426994
Well, that's just obvious that it's his representation of how life works, and that his probably his parents fault he's thinking like that, or his first gf or whatever. I don't doubt your speech ability and your persuasion but don't focus on changing him, it will be just as hard as changing yourself, what you might do is persuading him that it's totally nocive and that you want him to get help for that. (But help is always expensive, so it will also depend on his wallet actually)
Is he living alone or with a girlfriend ? was he "abused" by a girlfriend who taught him how to deal with women ? or any mother figure maybe ?
Because of my religious parents, I've had a twisted idea of how couple worked before my first girlfriend who helped me realize a saner, healthier way of being with someone.

>>17427039
He lives alone. I don't really know who taught to "deal" with women the way he does, but I suspect his family, because he's from a broken household with a mom who makes a sport of smearing his dad.

If you could tell me some more about your experience I would be really greatful, of how your viewes of relationships were distorted, and how she could help you to be able to want and enjoy a healthy relationship.

>>17427089
That's not as similar, really. I've been taught to not have a girlfriend before mariage, all this shit. And when some cute girl wanted to date me I've always refused because I felt this was not a sane way, that girlfriends must be treated with gifts of money (I am too poor to pay for all that), too much attention, not to go sexual with her, etc. Then there's that friend who wanted to go out with me, and I warned her that I might be a bad boyfriend, that I hadn't the time to concentrate on her and her needs, ect. and she stopped me to explain that being in a relation with someone is not that superficial, it's a meeting of two personalities, to cope with each others, etc. That really changed my mind about everything, I had an altered view of reality where I believed women were only asking for attention and money and I just un-taught myself what my previous life experience taught me.

.

>>17427124
>only asking for attention and money
Ummmm... Most of them sadly do. You are lucky you found a sensible girlfriend.

You aren't that different from him though. He thinks women want servitude and money.

Submissive male here, he needs to learn to separate the sexual side of it with every other interpersonal aspect in the relationship, just because you play the submissive part in the bedroom doesn't mean you need to (or should) play that submissive role in every other aspect of the relationship, it's not healthy for him nor is it healthy for the relationship itself, even if a partner likes being dominant, they do want some bite and challenge and input back, not someone who just drops to their knees at your every command.

Also stay the fuck away from financial submission/humiliation, it's the final frontier where it's game over if you step into it.

>>17427145
>stay the fuck away from financial submission/humiliation
Are you speaking from experience?

>>17426726

You cannot help him.

He is making his own choices, as do we all.

Until he learns to make different choices, he will continue this pattern, and the next girl will have a similar situation.

He will only shift if this behavior causes him unbearable pain, and maybe you can help with that.

Otherwise, just accept that he sees the world differently than you, and you must not enable this nonsense
>you can't be his venting station
>no loaning money because he spent his on her
>You can't say that you think it's a healthy relationship, or she's cool, or whatever validation he wants to hear.

If he asks, tell him honestly what you think

BUT ONLY IF HE ASKS

No one wants unsolicited life advice.

>>17427470
I don't want to give him unsolicited life advice. I was thinking more along the line of giving him experiences that would make him question his judgement and introducing him to people that could challange his views.

I only tell him my own experience of my own life and relationships. I don't think that's unsolicited life advice.

>>17427145
Lol that shit gets me, I browse those camsites sometimes because some performers show a lot in free chat. Inevitably all the fat American girls list cuckoldry and financial manipulation as fetishes.

I mean, of course you do, people are paying to spend minutes with you on a Webcam!

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I don't mind it as long as theres sex involved.

>>17426726

submissive and abuse arent the same thing.

>>17428074
agreed.

>>17428074
>>17428084

What is the difference in submissive men?

>>17428113
Whats the difference? Well...I don't really think that there is to be honest. Submissive behavior is linked to estrogen; so submissive men may have usually high levels of it - theoretically.

>>17428164
Regardless of hormones. Submitting to someone who can't respect you for it is not healthy behavior.

>>17426920
What is this fucking bullshit? I'm into femdom and my mother always treated me well. She died when I was 14, though..

>>17426726
because it makes them feel powerless and weak, which isn't how men are suppose to be. It's taboo because it's wrong and gross to interact with women this way, and the more turned on they are by it, the more disgusting and disturbed they feel. Eventually they lose all respect for themselves and have to worship you. Not all subs are sissys irl though.lol

source: someone who has fem dommed men before.

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>>17426726
>They actually enjoy being treated like shit by women, lied to, and humiliated. I never got it what broke in these people.
Because of my mother was horrible to me growing up. Laughing at me, yelling at me, using every little emotional trick to undermine my self-esteem until it became non-existant. She used to openly talk about how much she was looking forward to me leaving (I was still a teen at the time). The only way to avoid her being nasty to me was to hide in my room on the computer but even then she'd burst into my room at random intervals to yell at me for nothing so I existed in constant state of stress just waiting for her next little episode. This was after years of me going out of my way to be nice to her, to do things for her and to generally treat her better than anyone else in my family did. She was the person who I interacted with most in my life, probably more than all other women combined for that matter. I think it messes you up mentally, I can't even show affection towards people anymore, I literally don't know how to have a normal relationship, and so I guess I fall back to my major female influence as the template for my "normal". As a result I'm really, really into that submissive stuff now, it's all I can get off on.
However, unlike your friend I've made the decision to never have a relationship so no woman can take advantage of me.

>>17428469
Why do they worship you if they lose all respect for themselves?

>>17428469
So what you're saying is that it's a symptom of a completely destroyed self-esteem reinforced by thinking with their dicks?

They are feminized cucks.

>>17426726
I think it's the only thing they can relate to.

>>17430306
Why?

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my dad didnt have a father so hes very feminine even though he dresses well for work. his voice goes high pitched and he avoids confrontation at all costs. 22 male here and do everything the way he does it its just a hard habit to kick when you dont concioussly think about it. high pitched voice during confrontations is really hard to kick.

>>17428206
No its not, but women do it a lot more than men consequently. If I may inquire, whats your affiliation with this guy? Is your interest in him truly just mutual friendship...or is there a hidden agenda?

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>>17428332
Dafuq

>>17430641
He helped me with some shit in my life, we grab a beer and play football sometimes. No agenda.

When women do it they usually have some agenda. They want to change the person, they want to build something good with sacrificing themselves, they want to get his money etc... Men on the other hand just do it for humiliation, and to worship someone because their ass is rounder. That's just crazy. Even if that ass is rounder than theirs, it's still full of shit.

>>17427559
>TFW I spent 40 bucks for this hot black domme to tell me how pathetic I was for getting stood up earlier that night after drinking a 5th

Shit was dank. Kinda sucks having a big dick but being into small penis humikation.

But I'm a total grower and a switch so it all works out.

>>17430965
What's the appeal to you in being humiliated and ripped off?

>>17430975
I dunno senpai. Kinda hard to explain fetishes. I'm a pretty degenerate person in general. I'm a switch so I do enjoy dominating women.

I think it taps into a deep insecurity. I got stood up that night so I spent my date money on a camwhore. I was shitfaced too. It's also a power swap. I'm in control of a lot of shit in my life, in fact the majority of my life I have to manage. So I like to just give all that power to someone else for a while.

Plus there is a hella rush from paying a camwhore. Its the most pathetic "I know I shouldn't do this" type of thing you can do. And when you do it you feel really wrong and that turns me on.

>>17428113
Now that you mention it, there is one difference between submissive genders; most men will admit that that they like it and most women will pretend that they don't. Guys are fairly upfront and honest when it comes to their sexuality. We don't pretend to play the victim role of femdom...we fuck'N love it.

>>17430845
Seems like a good friend.

As for his sexual contrast, most guys don't play the victim role when it comes to femdom; whilst women tend to pretend that they don't like it when its all they fantasize about.

Just be honest with him and tell him how you feel. Guys dig that shit.

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>>17428332
No anon, that mean being treated like shit, not just domination in a relationship. When a man's is mistreated and abused but turned on, it's a problem. When they are treated fairly or Better but is not the dominant one, it's fine however not common norm. There is a difference in domination and a abusive/master-slave relationship.

>>17428332

Answer the question to tho (pic)
>>17431721

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>>17431721
nice last two digits

>>17431728
22 i think

>>17431721
16

>>17431783
>>17431817
Are you both retarded? It's 48

Tbh findom is far worse than cuckolding

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>>17431874

People actually like this shit

>>17431874
>>17431882
you can't imagine the amount of self hatred and insecurity that goes into this shit.

>>17426920
>>17426923
>>17426961
I have a master's in psychology, and am also a submissive guy (so this is an area of interest for me), and this is complete bullshit. BDSM hasn't really been studied in any depth, and any explanations like that are mostly just speculative and not based on any actual data. And, in my experience, they're wrong - my mother always treated me well, and I have a healthy relationship with her now.

I'm submissive, so I'll try and clear some things up. Firstly, I've been getting aroused by female domination themes for about as long as I've been getting aroused (e.g. 8-9 years old), and had a fairly nice and ordinary childhood, so it certainly feels more 'natural' than based on any life experiences.

Secondly, there's different types of femdom. As you say, some guys like to be completely degraded and humiliated to almost unbelievable extremes. Don't make the mistake of thinking that these guys necessarily have low self-esteem/confidence - any dominatrix will tell you that, quite often, these are high-flying guys in everyday life who just welcome the opportunity to relinquish control. So some of these guys might get lots of 'vanilla' female attention, but don't get fully satisfied that way.

Lastly, not everyone loves the aggressive leather-bound dommes shouting and swearing and hitting you with whips. Personally, I much prefer the mental aspect of domination. I like feminine girls who tease and flirt their way to getting what they want, taking control through manipulation rather than force. From what I know, this gentler type of femdom is fairly common too but unfortunately not very well-represented in porn.