My girlfriend is obsessed with her traumatic past and sometimes

yeah, leave. It's easier to find a sane partner than to repair a broken one.

>>17424144
Any non-misanthropic megalomaniac advice?

>>17424155
Yes, trying to surround yourself with healthy people that will influence you in a good way is misanthropic and megalomaniac. Why are you asking for advice if you're going to ignore them in the first place?

>>17424176
If I wanted advice to avoid great people, I'd visit /r9k/.

You didn't even really give advice. It's the first thing people say in threads here all the time.

Literally zero analysis, understanding or problem solving skills involved with what you said. But thanks. I'm sure there will be more intelligent advice later.

>>17424122
>has no papers or anything to do with their death
Deaths should be public record. Ask for a full name and search for it.
I can search my state records online and see all the people I know who died.

>What the fuck is the deal?
Damaged goods. Tell her she needs to get help if you're going to stay with her.
Otherwise you either put up with it, or move on.

>>17424155
lol. coming from the person who told her being sad about her past is fucking stupid.

>>17424216
This is great advice, although, I don't think it works the same in my country. I've had three family members die in the past three years and none of them have anything on google at all, except a single post from a family friends Facebook.

>>17424219
I never said she could get over anything except for a dead boyfriend from 20 years ago. It is definitely something someone should be over by now. It shouldn't effect your life that much time later.

>>17424235
Sounds like BPD at a glance but regardless it sounds like she is quite damaged. I'd suggest jump ship.

>>17424245
She hasn't done anything abusive in two years, and makes me extremely happy. We travel the world together, laugh together and walk hand in hand every night.

There is no reason to jump ship, I'm just looking to understand the psychology of the situation and the best way to deal with it.

>>17424235
Not google. There should be a national or state library of records.
My state has them online with their own search tool. Google wont work.
If they are not online then you will have to call or visit the place.

They should hold records for all deaths, births, and marriages that occur in that state.

>>17424248
BPD isn't so much abuse as it is a personality disorder which is mixed with subtle manipulation and poor emotional management.

From a psychological perspective there isn't much a layman can do. If its as nice as you say, more power to you but I think this is something which may have some consequences long term. Good luck.

>>17424260
What sort of subtle manipulation should I look for?

How would this have developed and how should I be careful?


I had a family member who had borderline personality disorder and she was a screaming, gambling, drunk asshole. This seems completely different.

>>17424268
The manifestation of BPD can vary but the fact she got so personal so quickly I feel is a bit of a warning.

Sometimes its subtle, others its like your family member. But sharing personal info, especially deep stuff like that is concerning. The inconsistency of stories as well would imply she is trying to use them as a way to keep you with her which has far more concerning undertones.

Granted I don't see you two or have an actual example in front of me but I am just going by your text.

It's probably not full-on BPD. You would know by now, anon.

She probably has a traumatic past and may have a case of somethign like C-PTSD or pure O OCD. look those up.

try and be patient with her if you want to stay but leave her if you're not prepared to deal with the possible baggage and drawbacks. what other abusive/manipulative things has she done?

(it wont be your fault if you have to leave her.)

>>17424283
She has claimed she had only ever talked to me about her traumatic past. She cried when bringing it up, on a long drive, as it must have hurt her very much.

Are there undertones/red flags I should watch for besides incoherence in stories?

File: 013_giulieta_masina_federico_fellini_theredlist.jpg (68KB, 428x700px) Image search: [Google]

68KB, 428x700px

>>17424298

>>17424296, here. also keep in mind BPD is extremely complex and CANNOT be diagnosed from simple armchair psychology, which is why i hate how the label is thrown around so liberally on /adv/. and from what i've read, after 2 years it would be kinda obvious.

>>17424298
Well to me the very fact she said something so personal like that and is inconsistent is a red flag in itself. Without a back and forth going on, I personally would suggest leaving and look for a more stable partner but I think you've made that clear that you would be unwilling to. I wish you the best regardless.

>>17424296
There was one point a few months ago, I noticed on her phone a guy had said they had mutual attraction in the past, and she "ignored it" by not really responding and was planning to go console this guy over a birthday dinner because he just lost his long-time wife to cheating.

She didn't end up going and had explained to me that she only seen him as a friend. I obviously was questioning why she didn't refuse to see someone who was perhaps trying to hit on her;... she avoided the topic mostly by saying she "didn't read the message", or "those were HIS feelings in the past". She apologized profusely for being ignorant to social cues after I wouldn't let her dance around the subject anymore.

That was a while ago. I haven't thought much of it though.

>>17424307
That's more of a problem with the DSM and description of BDP and most disorders in general. They're so goddamn broad. Hell, 3/4 of people, normal people, could be diagnosed on the autism spectrum its so vague.

BPD in laymans terms is essentially an obsessive, poor impulse control, attention seeking brat which can also come with serious mental instability. Its the female version of the manchild.

>>17424329
She is definitely not attention seeking. She's very social and friendly to strangers, but she wears pretty ugly brown/grey clothing, doesn't show skin and always wears her hair up, never down.

>>17424296
This was actually the most incredibly eye opening thing ever.
My girlfriend indeed has C-ptsd, fitting almost all of the criteria. It's something I can work with much easier now.

Thank you S O much