So I'm getting married in a month. Soon to be wife's

Define "needs another year to tell her mom".

Is she simply unwilling to, or is there some kind of external situation preventing/discouraging her from doing so?

>>17420126
jesus. It's always a huge dilemma for me when it comes to shit like this.

Like, when you girlfriend tells you she was raped 10 years ago when she was 18 and they guy that did it still lives in town and was never arrested because she never told anyone. type of shit. I mean, you want revenge, but you don't have any evidence except the word of your girlfriend. So it puts you in a strange place. You have to either accept the fact that she could be lying and which case you can never really trust her and it makes fighting for her honor more difficult

>>17420138

this. seems like a really stupid way to make things more complicated than they need to be.

worst case scenario, id just wait til the last minute then say 'sorry dad you cant come cuz you raped me'

>>17420162
this. I got uninvited from a wedding last moment because my sister kissed the brother of the groom one time when they were drunk and the grooms brothers girlfriend was pissed about it

>>17420126

Don't fucking invite him. Jesus. Stand up and be a man. She's being a coward, but she'd obviously rather not have him there at all. Just say you don't like him and you don't want him to be there. He fucking knows what he did.

OP here...

She's just trying to protect the structure of her family, but I said she has a year, because I'm not gonna deal with that for the rest of my life, and have to make sure my soon to be mother in law never unknowingly brings my kid around this pedophile. Also justice must be served.

>>17420186

>She's just trying to protect the structure of her family

I don't get it. She wants her mom to live in ignorance with a total monster? How does that help anyone?

>>17420186

>im giving her an ultimatum but marrying her first
>arbitrarily giving her an entire year to do it

you are being just as much an enabling pussy as she is. but she was FUCKING RAPED whats your excuse?

sit down and say that you dont want thim there, and the only way to address that is to address the situation. if she cant deal with that then guess what, shes not worth marrying cuz if she cant keep the pedophile out of her own fucking wedding she cant keep him away from the kids.

>>17420192
My soon to be wife is very annoying when it comes to this topic, but I'm trying to not make this an ultimatum for her.

This topic has brought stress on me at family gatherings for years now.

>>17420198
The timing is not arbitrary, I don't want this to be considered an ultimatum, even though it is, but she has until the day a pregnancy test shows positive, because I wouldn't want the stress to interfere with a babies unborn development.

Told her I'm out if she lies on this.

>>17420186
>getting married in a month
>she has a year to tell mom about her molester that has been affecting your relationship
No marriage until she tells mom and something is done about it. If you get married, nothing will happen, and your future kids will absolutely get molested by this guy.

>>17420217
Well it has to come to an end, because the molesters son is getting married, and when he has a kid, there's no chance I would allow it to go beyond that.

>>17420216

>the timing is not arbitrary

it totally is though. you are agreeing to marry her on a deferred payment.

>i dont want this to be conisdered an ultimatum
>even though it is

so? whats that have to do with anything? you admit it is so why say that?

do it before the wedding otherwise the divorce is gonna cost you your life.

>>17420204

I think you've got two options at this point. Either you've got to take matters into your own hands, and confront the stepfather yourself. Or don't marry her. Personally, I'd be reluctant to plan my future with a woman who can't stand up for herself.

Op again... Should I just have a lunch with her mom this week and give her mom the news behind fiances back?

You guys have to realize how hard it is for a rape victim to admit they were raped. Male or female. I agree with OP's tactic of giving her a year because you dont want your children around this guy. Forcing your wife to do this just before the wedding would just make her feel embarrassed and shitty on her big day. She does need to talk about it soon but dont force her to do it now.

I had an ex who was rapes like twice a month for 4 years from age 6-10. It was very hard for her to tell anyone and according to her I was only the second person she told. On top of that her rapist told her he doesnt like mw dating her because Ill leave a bad impression on her and the family. Never wanted to punch someone more in my entire life.

>>17420238
I think she should do it before the wedding. If not, she's going to have wedding photos of the most special day in her life with the man who ruined her life. I'm sure it won't make OP feel very good either.

Separate the two. Your relationship and her past of being abused are related but not connected, or at least it's best to act like they aren't. Your relationship with her should remain totally separate from what happened with her step dad. Be supportive of her while she handles it herself. Don't make any decisions for her.

>>17420236

no, you should talk to your girlfriend and make her do it this month. if she cant see why this is important than she is not at a point where she can be saved.

>>17420244
Yeah I suppose. Personally if I was OP I would just not invite him to the wedding but I dont think he should force his gf into anything right now.

OP, you need to consider the fact that a) you have no idea IF she tells, and b) how she handles it if she does. She could have a meltdown that is life-ruining to both of you. Being tied up in a marriage before you know any of this is absurd and could ruin your life! It's a crazy gamble that isn't worth the cost. Postpone, deal with the issue, and just get married later! Jesus Christ.

I get that coming forward is really hard for her, and giving her time is fine, but the marriage should also wait then.

>>17420126
OP if you dont already have a gun, get one, keep an eye on him, if he steps out out of line, let him know you have know qualms about putting a bullet in him

If for whatever reason there are legal issues in place with that, well, if hes a sex offender hes not gonna take it to the police lest he be found out

>>17420216
Just leave this mess behind you and find yourself a sane fiancee.
You're throwing out ultimatums even before the marriage, the magic 8-ball says
>pls stahp, the omens are bad.

>>17420274
Op here yeah I got many guns, can't bring one to the church, but I'll have a 9mm at the reception.

Like someone else mentioned in the thread, I wouldn't want there to be pictures of the molester in the wedding photos.

So I've decided to tell this all to the wedding photographer.

>>17420285
Isn't that going to raise questions with the mom?
>Why don't you want stepdad in the photos
>Why are you making stepdad sit in a corner by himself
>Why can't stepdad and I take a photo together
Sounds like you're going through with the wedding in a month though, so hope it works out when (if, probably never) she decides to tell her mom and try not to resent your future wife too much

>>17420285

lol ur a joke dude

>>17420328
What's that little bitch?

You think this is a joke?

>>17420285
>>17420285
stop being such a fucking faggot and tell the prick he's not coming to your wedding.

>>17420376
There's an issue with that.

Fiances mom is wealthy, he isn't, it makes since for the mom to be the first one to know. So she can make the first decision when it comes to divorce/legal fees.

I've thought about this from every angle.

Confronting this person makes it worse for the mom.

Your wife needs to tell her mother what the guy did to her. You are going about this in the worst way possible, next to assasinating him.

Ideally the photographer is the person to deal with this. They're usually in charge of getting everyone together and choosing the angles and what not. They can subtly organize things so the step father is forgotten at times and on the edge of the picture others.

The trick is whether you can get them involved and how much you'd need to tell them to get them to do what they needed to do. not sure how to approach that.

>>17420390
Tell her her husband is not invited but dont say why. This is not your mother-in-law's wedding. It is yours and your fiance's.

File: tumblr_n9yndkp5Ue1t5kiw8o1_1280.jpg (240KB, 650x650px) Image search: [Google]

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Tell the guy that YOU know, and I bet he makes himself scarce.