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I need some help, /adv/.
I'm 22, soon to be 23. One year ago, I lost my dad due to cancer and ever since both me and my mom tried to live as best as we could, fighting depression and various fears. We both loved dad a lot, almost obsessively. Even the rest of the family was shaken, since it happened so suddenly and he was universally loved by everyone (really, he was a saint).
Since after his death, I've not been able to do anything. I almost dropped out of college and even though he really wanted me to take a degree, I just can't go back there. I had to skip a lot of classes and lessons to take care of him (in the past 4-5 years, he had two tumors, the last one killed him), so I'm behind pretty much everything. I just don't have the energies to continue, even though I have always been a brilliant student and always loved to study. At this point, I'm completely drained and full of anxiety. Also, some of my old classmates are embarrassed around me now and some even started spreading bad rumors around.
I never worked before because my parents were obsessed with the "first study, then you'll find a job" idea. I never had many friends either and this depression is making me isolate myself even more.
I'll have to decide what to do on October: continue college or definitely drop out and start looking for a job. My parents always boasted about how good at school I was and how I was going to become a Super Important Person. I always felt this responsibility on my shoulders and I know my mom expect me to take the degree to "make dad happy". She mellowed out since his death and told me I can decide to do whatever I want, but I know she would throw it to my face for the rest of my life.
What should I do? Try to get this degree, even at risk of getting truly mentally sick but making dad "happy" at the same time, or look for a job, which might not be what my family hoped for me, but that could at least make me feel useful and productive?
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>>17419365
I am sorry for your dad.
I had a very similar experience.
I decided to take a few months to take care of my depression. I went to therapy and started to go to a help group. I also decided to volunteer - I got some new friends and I felt useful.
After that, I decided to go back to school.
If your family has the financial means to support you for a few months, I would suggest you to do this - go to therapy, volunteer, go to a help group, and when you feel better go back to school.
Not because it would make your dad happy, but because it seems like it would make you happy in the long term: you said you were a good student and you loved studying.
Do some activities with your mom too, it will help you both.
Take your time and don't rush through things. It is painful, you never really get over it, but it gets better. Use this chance to become a better person.
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>>17419379
Spot on.
OP, don't feel bad for having to take time out to take care of your mental health. It's okay to give yourself time before you go back to school. That being said, I definitely think you should go back. It sounds like you'll be happier for it in the long run.
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>>17419365
Both options seem to have pros and con
But the way i see it, whats a little strain on your mental endurance for what could be a much better life? There are aids for your stress, go get a massage, or even take up smoking weed if you must. Imo you'll have more oppotunities to be useful if you obtain a college education. You'll actually suffer MORE down the road if you decide to just start working, being that the jobs you'll have access to are.. well suffice to say, you'll hate, and subjecting yourself to hours and hours of labor you hate every day is just a recipe for suicide in some cases.
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>>17419379
>>17419395
Thank you. Yes, I know I'll probably feel better in the long run if I go back to school. I spent this last year trying to get better - six months after dad's death, I even tried to go back to class, but I felt so bad my mother seriously feared I was going to kill myself. So we agreed to wait more and now I've spent other six months trying to take care of myself. There have been many ups and lows: sometimes I have hope for the future (even though I realized I chose my college only to make my parents happy and it won't be that useful in the long run), other times I see what my friends have achieved in the meantime and feel horrible.
>>17419408
That's true, absolutely, and I'm aware of that.
It's just that there have been so many bad moments in our lives (bullism during highschool which affected my parents too, since they saw me suffer; few friends in my life, a fact that worried my mom and dad sick since they are somewhat "old" and feared to see me end up alone; various health problems that culminated in cancer; family problems etc.) that our mental energies are just zero after this trauma. I still dream about my dad's corpse in the hospital and my mom has difficulty falling asleep without him next to her in bed.
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>>17419408
>>17419395
>>17419379
Anyway, thank you all! I will use these two months left to continue with this healing process. Hopefully I'll be able to continue help mom too: even though things are still bad, they are nowhere as bad as the start and I'm glad for that. I'll try to be strong and distract myself through college with hobbies - as you said, it looks like that's the best option and I don't want to have regrets in the future.
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>>17419430
Good luck, my man
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