How do you go about building a sense of self-worth when you have

>>17412883
Take someone else's self worth

along wit dey phone and dey shoes nigga

you need something going for you. set a goal and fight for it

>>17412889
Like what?

>building self worth when nothing goin on you

why would you lie to yourself and live under illusion

>>17412889
This.

Life has no inherent meaning: you have to make one. The same is true for self-worth.

Attempts have been made to simply define self-worth and self-esteem as inherent and unconditional. One could even call this a founding principle of late 20th-century philosophy. The problem is that it's bullshit, and most pekple eventually come to realize this. For those who have coincidentally built something you can hang real self-worth on in the meantime, this is not so bad: unpleasant, to be sure, but ultimately not traumatic. You switch your sense of self-worth over to something with actual meaning, mildly scold yourself for having been taken in in the first place, and life goes on.

But for people who come to this realization before they've built anything that you could based self-worth on, the realization is nothing less than psyche-shattering. And really, why wouldn't it be? Your whole life has been a lie, and when you strip away those lies, you find nothing to replace them. Is it any small wonder these people become severely depressed, or embrace nihilism as a way to cope? But the way out is fundamentally the same as it was for the previous group: the main difference is that you have to do it without the false sense of self-worth propping you up. This is harder, but still quite doable.

(There is a third group Ihave not yet mentioned:those who still believe. You can see the results of that easily enough).

But back to OP. Imagine, for a moment, that you did have something going for you. What would it be like? What about you would be different, assuming that you change as little as possible? The way out is to take that vision and make it happen. It is seldom if ever a quick process, and it usually has to be broken down into many steps before it even seems achievable. But this is what you need to do.

>>17412928
I'd like to be the type of a person who doesn't regularly, routinely go get drunk in public, embarrass himself and start uncontrollably sobbing to embarrass himself further.

I don't even remember why I first started crying last night, only that when I came back to some level of awareness I was being goaded into a cab home by my coworkers (one even paying the fare for me) and crying because I had embarrassed myself in front of them by having the sobbing fit in the first place. This was the first time I've met them outside of work and I have no doubt it was the last.

I'd like to stop being the kind of a person who does shit like that.

>>17412883
Try to work out and set self-discipline goals, these naturally should help, helps with mood, and it shows.

>>17412941
I do a physical job, I'm in the best shape of my life.

What kind of self-discipline goals?

>>17412962
Stop drinking, for one.

>>17412962
What kind of job? I can guarantee that you're not as fit as you could be and/or as fit as you think you are. Your body naturally acclimates to physical activity unless you keep pushing it more and more.

>>17413123
I'm a gatherer at a goods distribution plant. I put together orders that grocery stores make, ranging from 2 kilo boxes to 600 kilo pallets (some orders go up to 1000-1300, but you're not supposed to put those on a single pallet) and picking up and hauling around 10 kilo blocks of butter 8 hours per day is surprisingly physical when you're bit below 60 kilos yourself. It's also shift work, so the times I work and sleep are irregular as well.

I'm no deadlifter and to be perfectly honest I haven't got the interest to be one, either. I don't want my body to be touched or looked at, even if I did like the look of overmuscled men, so I have neither a carrot nor a stick for such a goal.

>>17413149
Then get interested in being one. Not everyone gets fit to pick up women, contrary to what all the autists on /fit/ would leave you to believe. Most people do it because they want to feel healthier and in as good of a shape as they can be. It's one of the best ways to feel better about yourself and your brain rewards with a ton of dopamine you after every session to make it feel like you're accomplishing something. At the end of the day you'll have something going for you.

If you're really that stubborn then get a hobby and stick with it till you're good, or work towards a career you enjoy. I bet you don't want to be lifting boxes your whole life. There's so much you can do to create a sense of self worth but you need to find what that is and work towards it. If you just go with the flow and keep with that defeatist "nothing going on for you" then you will never feel self worth because you aren't working towards anything.

TL;DR Build self worth by working towards something. Anything. Don't act content but complain that you have nothing going for you.

>>17413200
What kind of a hobby? I'm about to hear whether I'm getting into vocational school tomorrow, but being an electrician isn't a particularly glamorous or cherished position, and I'm writing a book.

I write in english and none of my friends feel themselves capable enough in it to see to what I've written (or use the language barrier as a convenient excuse to avoid it), and after hearing a vague and brief summary my sister - the only truly fluent english speaker I have access to - announced that it has too many male characters and won't touch it.

I try to engage and indulge in the hobbies and interests of my friends and family, but whenever I try to introduce them to my own, they'll always find a way to avoid coming to contact with it.

My ex would habitually fall asleep/pass out during movies I picked for us to watch, and the fact that I have a shit taste in music is a fact commonly aknowledged in three separate continents.

What work or hobby would be the hardest to be disliked in?

>>17413219
Shit music taste? Do you like Nickelback or something?

Also, mastering your vocation and starting your own business should be a goal.

>>17413245
Shitty metal music, mostly, I guess. It's been a long time since I last listened to music, it doesn't really bring me joy.

I'll finish school if I get in, and see where I can get work.

>>17413219
Why does it matter so much what people think about your interests? People are always going to be like that. If you enjoy Taylor Swift then whatever, it's what you enjoy.

Work on being a better writer. Study up on writers who have made it and learn from them. Read as much as possible and write when you aren't reading. You're working towards something.

Focus on becoming an electrician. Study as much as possible and try to land a job and get some experience that will set you up for life. There's something to work towards.

I think your problem is that you're defining self worth by how much people give a shit about what you do. Don't do that. Live for yourself and try to find enjoyment in what you do because trying to get people to accept everything you do is a battle you'll never win.

>>17413250
How do I stop wanting positive attention from other people?

>>17413270
You don't, but you should realize at some point that what makes you happy and fulfilled should take priority over how other people feel about what you do. This is especially true about pointless shit like music.

You need to make self-worth about how you perceive yourself, not how everyone else perceives you. It takes time and as you grow older you'll realize that being who YOU want to be is more important than hunting for attention and confirmation that what you're doing is the best thing to do.

>>17413301
How do I get rid of the idea that being loved and adored is the key to happiness?

I can't think of questions like "who do I want to be" or "what would make me happy" in any other boundaries than being loved. I want to be loved, being loved would make me happy.

Play guitar anon. I have absolutely nothing going for me, but hey I can play a pretty g cover of crazy train.

>>17413314
>I want to be loved, being loved would make me happy
I'm assuming your family loves you, and that's really all you can bet on loving you other than your future children and (hopefully) your future spouse. For example, being a fantastic writer just gets people to know who you are and like your work. It doesn't get people to love you,care about you, or really anything other than know who you are.

Look at it this way: If you do something you hate and become popular because of it, will it suddenly make you happy? Probably not. Now if you do something that you like and nobody cares, some may even hate it, would you be happy? Probably, you were enjoying it after all and those haters can't take that enjoyment away.

Doing something for yourself for yourself will always make you happier than trying to pursue adoration from others and it's far easier. Again, this is something that comes more clearly with age but the best advice I can give at this point is to not stress so much about how other people are valuing you and just be content doing what you want to do and work on making yourself better for your own sake.

>>17413348
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is there to witness it, does it matter if it fell at all?

If nobody cares, then what is the point? What reason do I have to continue existing if my existence isn't cherished? What reason do I have to not die, when my life is only an inconvenience?

>>17413366
See, what the people in this thread are trying to tell you is that you should cherish yourself first. Everything else comes after that

>B-but that's hard! I'm so pathetic! A-bloo-bloo-bloo

Yes, it is. But if you don't love/respect yourself, how can you expect others to do so?

>>17413366
I'm sure there's plenty of animals living in that tree or collecting the food growing around its roots. It's easy to assume nothing would be affected by that tree falling but the more you look at it the more you see how it would disrupt their lives.

We aren't trees though, we're people. Be happy that you have the choice to live your life how you want and aren't forced into a symbiotic relationship with everything around you.

>>17413384
So it's a need-a-job-to-get-a-car, need-a-car-to-get-a-job -situation?

Is there anything at all to make the climb any easier?

>>17412883
Fake it 'till you make it. If you present yourself as if you have things going on, people will assume you do. The next step will be to get something "going on."

>>17413414
Okay.

What kind of things DO people usually put their self-worth on? I can't do sex so focusing on stuff that pulls or is supposed to pull the opposite sex won't do.

>>17412939

it sounds like you should stop drinking.

Also, Alcohol makes me depressed/melancholy for a while after drinking. That's from a variety of things including less oxygen in your bloodstream and probably using up all your serotonin earlier. so you're basically going to feel shitty until you get it out of your system.

If you hang out with them again, stick to Arnold Palmer and water. Arnold Palmer are dark so nobody really questions you like they would if it was water. when drinking socially, try to be the most sober person. I know I drink for anxiety reasons so it's hard to stay sober but the payoff is usually worth it.

>>17413149

>I'm no deadlifter and to be perfectly honest I haven't got the interest to be one, either. I don't want my body to be touched or looked at, even if I did like the look of overmuscled men, so I have neither a carrot nor a stick for such a goal.

This is the kind of garbage that people who don't lift actually think, and it's pathetic. First of all, you have to go out of your way to look "overmuscled" and you can still reap most of the benefits of a good fitness program without ever looking like a body builder. There's a lot of reasons to get /fit/ especially if you work a physical job. It rounds out your body so you're more symmetrical than you would be just using the muscles you use for work, and it instills proper lifting technique. both of those are important for avoiding workplace injuries (The only reason I even touch weights is to stay out of emergency room)

On top of that, since you feel like a worthless shitbag, you'll benefit from having the extra endorphins floating around in your bloodstream. A good workout is the closest men can get to a full body orgasm. It's amazing.

And yeah be advised the melancholia you are feeling right now is because you're hungover, and may not reflect how you feel on a regular basis, even if it seems like it does now that you're experiencing it. Stop drinking.

>>17413504
Yeah, dad died to drinking and I usually can tell apart the hangover shame and melancholia from my usual depression.

I suppose telling you that I don't want to lift is about as useful as telling the little old lady down the street that I don't need jesus, is it?

I've tried lifting weights, back when my school had access to a gym. It was boring and I disliked every part of it.

>>17413149
>bit below 60 kilos
>132 lbs

Are you anorexic or a fucking manlet.

>>17413525

You need Jesus too, it seems.