>dating girl for a few years >we break up basically from

>>17402869
Depends on the person as to whether or not they fade. But generally, yes, you get over it. It's especially "over" when you find your life partner and have no need for feelings about the past.

As for what you did, to make peace with it, you need to identify every place you went wrong and come up with ways to fix that behavior, so you never do it again in another relationship.

>>17402869

first and foremost, acknowledge that you are not unique. what you are asking is something almost every single human being has and will gone through. people break up. they think its the worst break up in the world. it never is.

if you can acknowledge that its normal, you'll realize life goes on... and you'll be open to letting it go on.


that being said, you will never forget it or lose the significance of it. which is good. you will love harder better faster and stronger as you move along through life and realize that this girl was only a blip on the radar. however those feelings will be there, they will just be more bittersweet and nostalgic. and you will always remember what you did wrong and try to use that knowledge to prevent similar things in the future.

at the end of the day you yourself only referred to her as a 'great girl'. half the population is female, so how many do you think are 'great'? considering how everyone seems to find someone to say 'i love you' to here and there, there must be a lot.

>>17402887
>>17402898
yeah you guys are right. ill learn from my mistakes and move on. i actually feel much better now

thank you

>>17403052

glad you could see it. good luck OP

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>>17402869

Don't dwell on the past, senpai.

Learn from it.

And yes, feelings and heartbreak will fade and eventually go away.

My girlfriend of 5 years and I broke up in January due to my stupidity and it wrekt me.

In 6 months, you'll be golden.

I promise.

>we break up basically from me being an idiot and not showing love
>not showing love

whoa whoa, hold the fuck on. Start from beginning. When I hear that man "was not showing love" I get an image of a nagging bitch playing with beta kek. So be specific OP, am I right?

>>17403066

There's some book that shows the 5 to 7 ways that people express love.

He didn't express it the way she wanted/needed it.

I took care of all my grillfriends logistical needs:

>Managing the money.
>Taking care of her cars.
>Helping her make logical decisions.
>Using her power of attorney to pressure her job into paying a out of court settlement and giving her long term disability.
>Arranging doctors appointments.
>Taking care of the condo.

I wasn't cold or cruel but I took care of business and tried to be sweet every now and then. Plus gave her lots of orgasms but not a lot of afterglow/cuddling.

But she wanted PDA, more passionate kissing/making out, sweet gestures and love tokens.

Some people just aren't compatible.

>>17402869
I've felt the same OP. I sabotaged a great relationship out of stupidity and calousness because I was scared and selfish. It's apart of growing.

Yes those feelings can harm future relationships. You must come to grips with them and see each person's unique qualities. She is not "the one", but now that she's gone, you may start to think she was. Do not let her haunt you. If you want to try to talk to her and give it an earnest shot, you can, but expect to fail and only do this if you think you NEED to know. It's more about closure because opening old wounds hurt and these things almost never work.

All I can say though anon, is being someone who went through similar with a great girl, I'm happy now, I DID find a new person, I did get that interdependence with a beautiful spirit again, and I still respect the memory of my ex, but I also remember the parts where we had problems, and why we were incompatible. You'll get there too, I just hope it's sooner than later!

>>17403063
>in 6 months you'll be golden
OP, when me and my gf broke up, I ended up dating the most beautiful woman i've ever met in my life, we got along perfectly and she had an amazing sense of humor and our sexual chemistry was perfect. It didn't work out with her and I, she had to go to uni and I had to go to uni in a different city. Anyways, when we broke up, I didn't miss that perfect girl, I missed that first girl and I still do to this day. Any girl that i'm with I just can't enjoy it because I just want that first girl for whatever reason. We broke up 4-5 years ago,


Op, it doesn't get better.

I was similar, I was depressed for a while, wasn't giving her the proper attention, I had a wake up call when we had a talk and she revealed all the problems
I realized my mistake, said I would do anything to fix it, I was willing to put in the effort to make ourselves stronger, at the end of our first night talking things seemed okay, we both made agreements and we left on a nice hug and stuff, I was gonna take her to work the next morning, and when I got home that night she texted me and told me she doesn't think I should take her, just we essentially had broken up, the next day I went over again and she finished it off
I'm not sure I'll ever know what happened in between the time I left and things seemed good and by the time I got home she decided she was done with me. I feel I never fully explained my situation accurately I feel, I never gave her my timeline, I just tried to see things through her eyes. She said she wanted to talk that night to see how I felt, and I don't know what she wanted from me, I poured out my heart and told her I was willing to do anything, I wanted to fix our problems because I loved her more than anything and felt it was worth fixing

I'm still in love with her, I think I always will be, I've tried dating more, I've tried moving on, but my feelings never leave. I hope it's different for you, I think people are different, I believe it's entirely possible for you to move on

>>17403468
same thing happened to me, exact same to a T.

Probably when she went home, and what made her bring every thing up. I hate to say it, was another guy giving her attention.

>>17403487
Ha, yup, very similar. I noticed she had been texting some guy, felt like I looked over multiple times when we were hanging out and she was texting him. I took her to work on a friday, she said I was her hero for doing it and it made me so happy to hear that, I finally felt warm inside which I hadn't been feeling all that month. She then went to where he worked after her work to sit around cause it was a coffee shop, he took her home, then on saturday I was talking to her and asked her what she was doing and she said she was at a park with that "friend" talking, then that sunday she went to his church with him (she hadn't been to church in months), then that night I went over, we talked, then monday she broke it off
I finally confronted her about it a few days later, I texted her and pretty much said how I felt about what she had done, and she said she felt like I didn't want her and she enjoyed the attention and being treated well from her "friend", after almost 3 years of me being perfect to her, I have one bad month and she's done with me. She hung with him multiple times before we had even been broken up for a week, I asked if she liked him and she just said she doesn't know.
Not to sound like an asshole who thinks I'm way better than everyone, but this guy is a loser, he is a bow tie and superhero tshirt wearing, balding, loser. My friend told how he has been with tons of different girls, and how he leads them on and then always dumps them
I still get extreme fits of rage when I think about it
I guess the thing I got from it all, was her actions didn't match up with her words, she said how she was willing to do anything for me, but when I recognize my mistake, say I'm sorry and want to work on it she turns me away, how is that such a hard thing to do for someone you love? She said we had problems for longer than that month, but I think that's an excuse she made up to make herself think she wasn't throwing it all away in the span of a few weeks

>>17403534
(cont) I even am seeing her tomorrow, and I just wanna talk to her and reveal my side, because I feel I never did, maybe I shouldn't but god I really want to, because I just feel I deserve to speak what I wanted to speak

>>17403534
Next she's going to say she needs to "find herself"
She's on a cock carousel anon, please don't feel offended or take it personally, it's a natural thing that happens to women and you can't blame them because of their biology. Young women need to ride the cock carousel for higher social status. She'll go and ride many of dick and be washed up in her 30's.

You will better yourself, create a career and future for yourself, and by the time you're 30 you'll have the most option you've ever had in your life.

Don't loath it, it's the way life works

>>17403545
>>17403534
oh and haha, my gf left me for the exact same loser.

She came running back to me years later, but she was too far gone. She was a drug addled tired hippy at that point, didn't shower, didn't shave, had piercings and just wasn't herself anymore

>>17403550
Damn, sorry about that, one of the most painful things is just how they change and not always for the better, I would do anything to go back in time and do things differently, who knows, maybe time travel will be invented someday

>>17403092
>But she wanted PDA, more passionate kissing/making out, sweet gestures and love tokens
I believe this but just not from you. She wanted other men

>>17403565
Where in the world do you draw that conclusion from?

>>17403556
well dude, it's a good thing. After we broke up I started working out, got a ton of confidence and started dating a (in my eyes) 9.5/10 cutie, the most amazing girl i've ever met, funny too. Keep in mind i'm probably a 6-7/10 AT BEST.

It didn't work with her and I, she went to uni and I ended up going to a different city. But still, that was a huge confidence boost and an amazing experience, that and the beautiful girl and I left on really good terms.

>>17403565
The 11th hr PDA and passion was an excuse. It's doubtful she even thought much of it until an new guy entered the picture. She gets the butterflies in her stomach, a huge ass crush and all she can think of is his hands on her. Compare that to rock steady practical partner as all the blood rushes from her head to her pussy and the partner is a stoic orge

>>17403063
>tfw it took me a year to get over a girl online who blocked me that i never even met irl

i should probably kill myself now

>>17403578
>and the partner is a stoic ogre
To be fair, he described it as though he'd generally leave right the bed right after sex (orgasms but no afterglow/cuddling) and his own description of his attempts to show her love in a less pragmatic manner is "[I] tried to be sweet every now and then".

That doesn't sound to me like she simply missed the honeymoon period.

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>>17403396

Bad break ups usually lead to long ass lasting guilt and regret.

If was your first grillfriend then it's even worse.

Try to contact her for some closure.

If that's not an option then it's a mental battle.

Repress that shit and/or focus on your education, life, hobby, etc.

You have the rest of your life to live; do you really want to spend it unhappy because you ate shit once?

I have a felony on my record, violated probation semi-recently and the 5 year relationship ending in January.

Mind over matter, senpai.

Self-loathing only gets worse so stop it.

Or get into some therapy and cry the pain away.

Or fuck the pain away.

>>17403656
thank you anon

>>17403677

I didn't mean to sound cruel or cold hearted but sometimes people need to hear the cold hard truth or an objective opinion even if they can't handle it.

You'll be okay, I promise.

>>17403685
I know all of this, I just need to hear it from someone else from time to time.

>>17403693

I know this feeling too.

But as time goes on you'll be able to tell yourself and everything will be alright.

Good luck, senpai.

We only live once so carry on.