Something strange happened to me the other day and I can't

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Something strange happened to me the other day and I can't shake it off and I'm afraid I'm going to do something bad.

I'm just going to start off by saying that I have had suicidal thoughts before but never went further than self harm and I don't intend to ever take my own life anymore.

The other day at the hotel I was staying, I felt a magnetic pull to the balcony that opened up from the lobby, all the way to the top floor ceiling. I was on the 6th floor, and I just, I don't know, lost control of my muscles? It's weird, it's scaring me. I went to the ledge and this just, gravitation pull to want to jump made this terrible fear come over me. Like my body wanted to jump, and I could barely control it. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to control myself so I slid down and lay on the floor. I don't know what came over me, like I couldn't control my own body.

I'm sorry this is so long but I'm honestly terrified of doing something like this again but I won't be able to stop myself. I'm just scared that I'll do it even though I really, really don't. Also, photo is pancakes because it was on my desktop for some reason.