So I'm pretty close with someone and have sex with them,

>>17401856
If you didn't set up any exclusivity at the beginning of the sexual relationship anf now you feel jealous and hurt, you only have yourself to blame. Talking to him about it may yield results, but more than likely he will end the sex and maybe get pissed. Brining it up now signals that you want to control and guilt trip the guy into a relationship that he probably doesn't want. If you feel bad you need to brake it off yourself. Explaining why is fine, but don't leave the decision in his court. He's not the one with the issue.

>>17401910
Wtf?

Nah OP. Fuck this guy's retarded rambling.

If you can't go on with him being inexclusive tell him you've gotten feelings for him and you want to make things serious. If he doesn't want to be exclusive with you, break it off calmly and give yourself the time and space to get over him. If he feels the same way about you? Happy days.

>>17401910
Maybe I represented the friendship wrong, I guess. We hang out pretty much every other day, and I spend the night a lot. I don't really ask, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't spend as much time with anyone as me, I don't even know if he spends the night with anyone else. It's not really a friendship based on sex either, just a lot of intimacy. I think our feelings of closeness are shared, and we share a lot of personal struggles and feelings and lean on each other and shit. I also think being gay, and maybe for other community reasons, it's pretty much standard for everyone to sleep with everyone and not know what to do as far as that goes, and even in relationships this doesn't seem to be something people break out of much.

So I guess the thing is, I'm not trying to guilt trip him, but we do have this close relationship and talk about our feelings and stuff as described above. So I feel like to be honest I have to discuss this stuff, but I also try to make it clear that I'm just trying to say how I feel, not influence him. I dunno, I really don't want to guilt trip him, but I'm not sure how not to while still being honest.

I think I have guilt tripped him a bit though maybe, or at least he says he wants to value how I'm feeling and maybe he feels conflicted now about having sex with other people a bit.

Honestly I don't even know if I want a relationship though right now, so if I'm guilt tripping him, for what?

I dunno man, not sure what advice I'm even looking for but it's confusing

>>17401952
Yeah, I guess so. Honestly is it bad to just maintain things as it is if it's not too painful, but a bit painful? Like I feel like I'm ok where I am. I have the pain, but I can deal with it. And I don't meet people easily and have no one else to be close to.

This is the sort of thing I wish I could make clear to him too. Just that there's a little pain and incompatibility but it's still all good and I understand how you feel and want things to stay the same.

But what the fuck is that logic even? Is it some weird passive aggressive guilt trip even if it's born of just wanting to be honest?

>>17401965
You have to decide what's right for you, if you talk to him and he says he doesn't want a relationship bummer but you will heal, but if he does and you find out you don't that may wedge things.

I was a little a strong in the way to worded it the first time, but I think you should explain that you don't like being non exclusive and that it's better to just be friends or serious. The way to said it the first time I was trying not to have you just tell him how you felt bad that he slept around.

>>17401997
Word, I guess so. So it seems like if I bring it up though it's supposed to end with a better defined relationship or friendship... so I guess it's unwise to remain in (or try to grow accustomed to) the undefined/loose habits that seem to be the norm among my social group? I guess I'm not comfortable with them entirely, but it seems like it's the only way homos are, at least all the ones I know

Hey op so basically im on the opposite side of the spectrum. your situation but im a guy. do you think its easier/ more common for a girl to grow feelings? I already mentioned to her I wanted to be exclusive, but she says she wants us to get to know each other better - granted weve only really talked and known each other for 2 months. am i being unreasonable? it is kinda moving fast, but i have nothing but upfront with her. what do you think


also, my two cents from your situation, it sounds like he might just be doing it for the sex

>>17402058
*have been nothing but upfront

>>17402058
ayy, I'm a guy too actually, just gay. I have to say I'm pretty sure he's not just into it for the sex too, I trust him at least (see >>17401965)

It's probably not too unreasonable for her to feel like she's just getting to know you after a few months though. And at least it's a question of moving towards dating or exclusivity or something like that rather than this nebulous fagsphere of everyone fucking everyone and wondering what they get out of anything

>>17402068
well said. that puts my insecurities to rest

best of luck with your friend op