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How do I stop worrying that I've upset people or been rude and have it eat away at me all day?
Example:
Right now Im in the middle of a band issue with some people I play with. The guitar guy wanted us to play at an open mic in front of a lot of people last night but saturday my friend the drummer texted me that he didn't want to go and we both kind of agreed about how it wouldnt be a good thing, because we're not ready. The last time we were on stage at this free swap market place, we messed up and a friend I invited was like "damn that was bad", because we trailed off song endings or started playing wrong notes.
So I went off about how if we go on stage in front of lots of people we should be a lot better, my friend said he didn't want to tell him that we weren't good enough yet because it'd upset him, and I said that he can find some other people to play with if he wants to go and I'd see him next practice but I know im not ready and I'm still trying to get the timings of the songs right, and if he plays with other people on stage and does bad on his own he might get it that we need more practice.
I haven't heard back from my friend and now I'm worried that I came off sounding like a douchebag or whatever because of how I said it, even though he agreed that going is probably not a good idea. Its been three days and he's seen my text and hasn't responded.
When this happens it gnaws it me forever that I might've said the wrong thing or the right thing in the wrong way, and that maybe he thinks less of me so he won't respond anymore, etc. How do I get over these feelings? What's causing them?
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Crippling lack of confidence and no practice will not make you a good performer. Sounds like the band is not going to work out if you guys can't even agree on how good you are or what kind of gigs you are ready for. Either practice more or get a new band or strike out solo.
The flip side of this is just jump into it, you miss all the shots you don't take etc etc. I fucked up more times then I care to remember in front of live audiences when I was just getting gigs. Still can't play much, but what I can play I play well. The more you are in front of people the better you will be at it. Maybe try more gigs in front of strangers, so you can crash and burn and no one will know your name.
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>>17400651
I can tell that and I want to practice more but the other two want to just get together once a week and practice usually. They both want to play together but it seems hard to get them to practice and I don't feel like I have the right to try to encourage a better schedule or better practice routine since I haven't played as much as them and the guitar guy made the songs.
But this was just an example of how not hearing a response from someone in a few days leads me to think like i must've messed up and how it eats at me all day.
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>>17400825
> I don't feel like I have the right to try to encourage a better schedule or better practice routine
If you don't feel like you have enough stake in this band to try and make them practice then it's probably time to move on. Sure they played longer and wrote the songs - fat lot of good that will do them if they can't pull it off live.
And your issues sound like generalized anxiety. It's normal to want to feel heard especially when it comes to communicating with your friends. Maybe they took it the wrong way who knows, but it sounds like they are just stringing you along to get a rise out of you. Don't let it get to you, the ball is in their court for responding at this point. Again, I think you should move on and try things on your own or with a different band, or at least get friends with a better attitude. You'd be surprised how the people you surround yourself with change your mood and state of mind / boost your self confidence.
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