Feeling depressed this week, for the first time in about 10 years.

Donald Trump has a serious chance of winning the election

>>17400429
Substitute "Hillary Clinton" and it's as bad if not worse so that sort of helps, but is already big news.

>>17400420

this year i developed brain damage. it was manageable in the sense that i could live, but it made things like cooking or even eating sometimes impossible. i could not handle more than half a cup of greenbeans at a time. i often needed head support for many hours out of hte day.

i required a ride to my buss stop every day, because 9 minutes of straight walking was too much. i could remember what my password is, and that i needed to type it in, but it would take about five minutes for me to figure out that the two were related. id stare at a log in box knowing its purpose, and what to type, but could not connect the two concepts. just jumping back and forth between the two.

the doctors diagnosed me with MdDS which has no cure save for time, if you are lucky. he told me to go home and wait six weeks. if it didnt fix after that my parents wanted me to essentially give up on life and move in with them til the day it cured, if ever.

the damage was so bad that it fucked up my memory. i binge watched entire shows since i had nothing much else to do, and id forget it all. i still only remember the beginning and parts of the end of that show. little flashes here and there but not much else.

I was thankfully getting better after a month, but last week i had a relapse. recovering again but this time its much slower. i walk around in a haze, feeling like a ghost. its not enarly as bad as before and i am recovering, but considering i was 'cured' less than three months ago its scary that im having a relapse already and may well in fact have many many more in the future.

I was forced as a 10 year old to fight one of my friends by a group of adults, that beat me badly when I reluctantly won, and then got me suspended for a week.

What's eating you, op?

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>>17400440
Holy crackers, that sucks. That's what I'm talking about here. I'm going to look that up and donate to it now. Thanks for the response and good luck. You a good soul anon.

>>17400443
What in the hell? Any more details? That sounds incomprehensible.

My story is nothing, just nonsense, but my brain is pounding it into me today so I'm looking to force myself to realize I'm being a bitch.

>>17400465

>donate

no need. theres a new therapy that will be mainstream in the next few years that will essentially cure it. if you dont mind donating, please donate to autism instead. there will never be a cure, but there are a lot of therapies and technologies being developed, even simple apps that are making life easier for autismos and they need it more than MdDS does. i worked with autistic children a lot and trust me they need it more than MdDS does.

it sucks, but like i said, i seem to be recovering. the docs think stress is a trigger for relapse so im focusing on stress free lifestyles. sucks but yeah.

>>17400465
I wrote the story down in a ledger, it's like 10 pages long. It's one of 13 really bad things that have happened in my life. I wrote all 13 stories down. It's a bit horrifying.

Anon, go get a hug. Sometimes that's all you need, and you know what, fuck that strong independent black woman who don't need no man attitude. Fuck if I had someone I could hug on the regular I would be all over that.

The whole 'stop being a bitch get over it' is a toxic apathy that disconnects from feeling with hostility and that low boiling non-explosive anger. It's shit. If you wanna feel bad, feel bad, find someone who's ok with that, and get some comfort. ️

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>>17400480
4chan is all assholes, they said. Wowee. I'm pretty loose with my money so even though I already just donated a tiny bit to mdds, I'll toss in a bunch for autism when I get paid this weekend. You're great bro.

>>17400486
Well I may have misspoke. Since my teenage depression was beaten I've been a pretty immovable stoicist, but I just got bugged out this week somehow. No hugs necessary, just a hump to get over and I want to beat it before the weekend.

How you doing these days?

>>17400507
Well I just got back from traveling around Europe with the intent to hang myself at the end of it - got beaten by a ludicrous technicality though. So kudos to life, I'm not off the party bus yet.

>>17400507

>donating to both

wow man, thats appreciated. thank you. you just have no idea how hard it is for those guys. i mean my retardation was debilitating, but its rather rare and the new treatment looks unbelievably promising. i would have gotten it myself if it was an option at this point.

but with autism theres never gonna be a cure and they just need whatever help they can get. i wish i coudl just every legitimate autistic guy in the world

>>17400514
What do you meant by technicality? No specifics necessary if you're antsy about it, I just don't get what you mean that you got beaten.

>>17400518
I'm trying to donate to more shit. I just never know what places need it the most. I'll probably make the autism one recurring monthly, then.

>>17400525

wow man that warms my heart that you'd do that. i was just talking to my autistic friend caleb, i felt bad that i didnt answer his call this week. all they really want is someone to pick up.

its even worse for some. one of the researchers I met has an autistic brother. aged 23, mind of a four year old. breaks my heart into a thousand tiny pieces famalam.

i wish the 'autistic' meme would end on 4chan. i dont mind the insulting use of autistic, cuz desu most autists dont know or understand so whats the harm.

but what i do hate is when people unironically refer to themselves as an autist with every bit of seriousness in order to excuse their social lives. it just makes me uncomfortable that people are using it to excuse and validate themselves.

sorry for the weird rant.

>>17400525
The lock I had didn't fit the belt. I had no way to secure the belt as a result. I'm unsurprised though. It was only maybe a few mm too thick to pass through. I tried tying it etc but it was too loose.

Beaten on a technicality. It's quite amusing though, I'm reasonably sure I'm not allowed to die yet. Oh well, maybe I'll get proven wrong.

>>17400541

wow you are delusional.

>>17400536
I'm planning to move to another city soon where a bunch of my friends live, the one I'm hoping to room with is autistic, but I think, without researching the real meaning, is referred to as high-functioning because he's very smart and great at math. But I get the spectrum concept anyway so glad to donate.

I was wondering when I started reading about the 'meme' use but I kind of get what you mean. It's like how 5 years ago every teenager thought they were schizophrenic.

>>17400541
Wow that is crazy. I figure there's always something to live for, even if you're a dirty hobo. At the absolute very least lowest of the low, do something you enjoy even if everyone hates you, or donate your time etc.

>>17400558

kinda yeah. other popular ones are 'i have social anxiety' from people who have never been to a doc about it.

ive seen peopel say
>how do i make friends / get a gf?
>im autistic so going out and meeting people isnt an option

it becomes a crutch to validate their lifestyle. something to be 'treasured' as someone said in another thread.

>>17400555
This isn't the first time a weird incident has stopped me. Maybe it's coincidence and maybe I'm delusional, I don't care too much about the semantics of the situation, just the pragmatics that I'm not dead because of dumb reasons.

>>17400558
And I'm not too interested in that fight. I don't like my life, where I came from, or what it's made me today. I wish I could rise above it, but I'm just not that strong. 13 stories like the brief one I posted here. You don't just breeze by that.

>>17400569

you are delusional because you think that it stopped you.

you are the dumb reason you didnt kill yourself. not cuz 'ohp the belt wont lock, guess im curised to live this hellish existence'.

you are alive cuz you chose to be. even if the lock had worked you would have changed your mind like oyu have dozens of other times and simply forgotten or ignored the experience. the only time you consider it a real attempt is when you had an excuse not to.

which is good. you want to live. but you need to think of
>what would make me happy to be alive
as opposed to
>how can i pretend to kill myself this week?

>>17400579
Ahah, really? I was up a giant ass hill, with privacy, no sharp objects, no sheer drops, pretty satisfied with hanging... And that one little discrepancy stopped me. I was actually trying to affix it to go through with it.

For someone calling someone else delusional you sure do believe you're either a psychiatrist or psychic.

>>17400593

>you believe you are a psychiatrist or a psychic

or rather, that im on an advice board.

>i was on a hill
>and stuck there for all eternity

if you want to kill yourself you'd have done it. but its like you said, little moments keep stopping you.

the reality is you dont want to die. doesnt matter if you believe me or not, cuz ur still here even though you could go jump off a building and be done with it.

im sure you wouldnt want to do it publicly cuz ur such a good person :) but yeah, you're alive.

>>17400604
I wouldn't jump in front of a vehicle. That ones pretty nasty for the driver.

Buildings, none around tall enough.
Drowning? Exsanguination? No thanks. Pills? Unreliable. Plenty of ways to die, but I was most comfortable with hanging.

Last year I wanted to do the same thing, but my money was delayed right up until the kids went on their summer holidays. Flights tripled in cost, and thus I couldn't take my bow out.

Also, don't be coy you arrogant fuck. Pretend to kill myself each week? You are on an advice board, not the be a smug fucking armchair psychologist board.

Fucking hell people like you drive me mad. People with a whole lot to say on things they don't know a whole lot about. But thanks for taking the time to judge me you bona fide wanker.

>>17400621

>none around tall enough

if you wanted to die you coudl take a day to travel to suicide.

you are delusional and convincing yourself that you are forced to live tragically and fate conspires to keep you alive.

>your advice is smug

says the guy who is bragging about how he just cant kill himself and fate needs him to be alive.

you are delusional.

>you couldnt possibly understand my pain

you are so unique man, you are right. how coudl i possibly ever know what you're going through., you're the only suicidal person in the world :O

>>17400624
Arrogant and coy, what a waste of breath you are.

I almost drowned as a child, was hit by 2 cars as a pedestrian, been in half a dozen car crashes as a passenger, have had bronchitis that nearly landed me in hospital, been suicidal and recovered, and the high point of my week so far was the latest car crash in which I was a passenger.

I can't tell if I am lucky or unlucky, but that's not normal. And hell, I limited it to just the thinga that threatened my wellbeing, theres a shitton more.

Feeling better OP?

>>17400420
girl gets raped by bullies and then is forced to eat their shit in front of the whole school yard and goes home and pretends she hit her head. now get over your self.

>>17400440
smoke weed it cures cancer

>>17400690
How did bronchitis land you in hospital?

>>17400706
I said nearly, and it was because I was bedridden and couldn't physically leave the house without help, and no-one bothered to take me to a doctor despite it being very obvious that I needed help. Once I finally got in to a doctor (2 months later) he said I was incredibly lucky that I got in to see him before I developed pneumonia (and that untreated could easily kill a person.) I bounced back, but I should never have been left in that position in the first place.

It did permanent damage to my lungs though, which has made my asthma at least twice as severe as it was prior.

>>17400722
Why did nobody take you to get help?

>>17400729
Because the people I lived with were assholes, essentially. I could manage to shamble around the house without collapsing, so they must have assumed I was faking or some bullshit.

I ended up going by bus when I reached a point where I could actually drag myself out of the house. A week after that I was right as rain, and I moved out a week after that, because fuck them for not showing the slightest shred of human decency. I lost my fucking job because of that extended period of illness and at the time I couldn't afford to arrange other transport (and it wasn't severe enough for an ambulance.)

Shitty situation, got myself the hell out as soon as I was able.

>>17400420
My father and brother died in a fire 6 years ago. I am still grieving. My mother found another guy 3 years ago. He's fucking manchild. He moved in. I'm stuck living here, because I can't afford a place of my own. I was a terrible son and brother. I probably will never stop grieving.

I got fired on Christmas eve five years ago. I went home and tried to hang myself but my sister kept texting me/calling me and begging me to hang out bc it was Christmas.

I perservered a little while after that, but then my friend moved away to California and stopped talking to me.

I haven't been able to make any friends since then. My family has gradually stopped talking to me as much too, including the sister who bugged me until I stopped hanging myself. I am very alone. Some men date me, which is nice, but then they dump me and go back to being alone. The only way I can ever be useful or loved by anyone is being fucked by dudes, but when they get tired of fucking me I go back to being unloved. My only worth at this point hinges on sex appeal.

>>17400429
>>17400437
>It's a two-party system. You have to vote for one of us!
>He's right, it's a two-party system. What do we do?
>Well, I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate!
>Go ahead…throw your vote away! Hahahahaha!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4v7XXSt9XRM

Now *that's* the most depressing thing about this election cycle.