I posted this some weeks ago and got somewhat moderate advice though now I feel like I'm even worse and still ruining every form of friendship or acquiantance-ship i have.
"Why do I always feel like awkward and uncomfortable when hanging around with female acquaintances who have boyfriends?
I've hung out with some acquaintances at times, not finding out that they have boyfriends until later on and even the ones I just talk to and not hang out with, I feel really uncomfortable and shitty around them and I hate this feeling. I have nothing against them, but I just get this really bad and unshakeable feeling. "
My other bigger problem is that I'm shit with words. I feel like I'm a terrible person who always have to bring the negatives out with this pessimistic mindset of mine especially when it comes to female friends.
I have a friend/acquaintance, I hung out with her a while back when she visited my city and upon our first meeting she informs me she had a boyfriend which then made me uncomfortable in relevance to my OP. But even though I should be a good friend, I couldn't help but say at times that "wouldn't you be better off/more comfortable visiting [place where we are or were going to] with your boyfriend in stead of me?" which then ruins the mood. I had said this numerous times stupidly even saying at different points when we visiting another city that "I'm not comfortable with x" or "Don't only couples do x, I'd rather you not do that with" I should be having fun with a friend by my stupid idiotic self just chooses to ruin everything always.
Another case where I hung out with another female acquaitance who also has a boyfriend, hanging with her and her firneds. I felt alone and out of place. I being negative and just acting like I don't belong. Instead of being more confident and trying to have fun, I somehow always get pulled in by the negativeness and be a fucking moron.
I really need help, I can't ask anyone I know. Please help me /adv/ how do i change.
>>17399290
To add to this. I'm basically a forever alone and I've never had a gf which i feel strongly ties in with this. But I do believe in friendships between opposite genders can work but my poison mindset is pushing these people away from me. I feel like they all just hate me secretly.
I don't even love myself either.
bump