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I spend about 2 years preparing for the right moment, I talk

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I spend about 2 years preparing for the right moment, I talk to a lot of girls to get the hang of talking to her, I spend countless hours preparing for the worse scenario of rejection, even date a girl for a little bit as friends to get the feel of being around a girl in public and the I see social media crying about a car accident. "Who is it this time" I say with a small smirk on my face before I read the word Ashton Hunter. My whole world falls apart and I go into a small state of depression before one of my friends notices how sad I was when even me myself didn't realize how crippling this is to me. I need some help getting over this, any one who has had any similar incidents and got over it please share.
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Drink yourself into oblivion and make sure to abuse your friends and family. Also make sure to do drugs and act out. Also if you could kill someone to take the pain away that would be good too.
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