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>Be me
>Be 20
>Lost 150lbs/68kg
>Loose skin and stretch marks everywhere
>Stomach looks like nutsack
>Face 8/10
>7.5 inch dick
>Not a single friend
>Losing speech ability due to lack of interacting with people and use of it
>Cant think clearly
>Very bad memory loss
>Lost interest in everything I used to like
>Lost sexual interest
>Cant feel sympathy or much of anything anymore
>Have PTSD
>Wear long sleeve double layer everyday to try and hide skin
>Havent been to a resturant in almost 3 years
>Leave house maybe 10 times a year
>Accept I would be a burden on anyone
>Literal pain from loneliness
>Wish for death everyday
>Only still alive because family
>Living everday is torture
I feel these last few months have been the hardest time of my life, I get really depressed during the winter and honestly think I wont be able to take the pain this time or even make it that far. I often said and still say Suicide is a permanant solution to temporary problem. I believe this problem is permanant
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>>17390211
Hi OP.
I want to tell you things will get better. I want to tell you you will climb that mountain and make it out of the hole you crawl so deeply into.
I was in your position 7 years ago, when I was 18.
Since then I've gone to school, after dropping out multiple times, and I'm close to a degree in Biology with a Chem minor.
I wanted to kill myself at 18. 20. 21. 22. 24. I didn't.
Did things get better hell yeah they did. I actually found out I was an academic and taking an MCAT next January to apply for Med school.
I lost over 100 lbs and have transformed. Girls notice me, and I took a girl on a date that wasnt really a date but was my first time and good for practice in a sense.
OVERALL, I still think about killing myself. I still feel depressed. And Lonely, and Sad. And I randomly cry in my car. I even drive a nice sports car (due to insurance).
But I realize that life is not a set timeline and we can change and do anything we put our minds to. Try being more open minded. Try some drugs. I recommend weed and shrooms.
Go out and get belligerent and uber back home. You may find some liquid courage to engage with strangers.
IT will never get better no matter the situation. What I realized is you have to make the most of it, and keep kickin' until someone trys to kill you.
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