I've found myself in a particularly confusing situation,

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I've found myself in a particularly confusing situation, and I need advice on how to get out. The simplest way to put my problem is that I find myself in a situation where I cannot discern any other option but to kill myself. I don't want to, but it's the only plausible solution that I could find for essentially my entire life. I'll elaborate.

Basically, I've been severely depressed my entire life, being 21 now. I remember as young as 12 I'd have thoughts about suicide, based on the notion that I was somehow less than human. That's essentially how I've lived my entire life, with this deeply held feeling of self hatred.

This is where my situation becomes complicated. I sincerely do not want to end my life, I wish I could move past this and lead even a mediocre life. However, I'm don't believe that's feasible at this point. I've spent my entire life loathing myself, believing that I am objectively inferior to literally everyone around me, and deserve to die on the basis that it would benefit the world to not have to sustain an inherently useless entity like me. I've never once even felt indifferent towards myself, let alone liked myself, so I'm not sure how/if I ever could at this point.

To end this rambling post, I have to say my circumstance isn't from lack of trying. I've tried pills, therapy, I've reached out to friends, I've tried doing some deep soul searching, improving my health/fitness, basically every anti-depression solution I've heard of, but all I've ever done is get worse. I've run through every option I can find, and am at the point where I'm don't even know of anymore options than suicide. So this is my question, how does someone with my sort of deep-seeded self hatred learn to love them self, or is it even possible?