I have a someone who has been everything a close friend should

>>17373043
Also, obligatory- I DO NOT WANT HER HUSBAND. Love the guy, but no x 1000, and we're not all that close. This is merely from a "holy shit he's a human being" standpoint.

Also, if I tell him, how? Anonymously? A couple friends that also know and want to tell him? This is so fucked.

>>17373052
Make a fake facebook profile and tell him she's cheating on him. Bring proof if you have it.

>>17373067
The issue is it being anonymous, she'd likely explain it away or deny it. He's known me for years, and knows that I wouldn't lie or come to him unless I'm positive.

Also, that kind of seems like a coward's way out too. I don't know. Our friendship is over, and I don't care if she hates me, BUT anonymous is appealing because I just don't want the drama of it all coming my way.

>>17373043
If she would just explain it away as you said here >>17373082 your best course of action would be to confront him, with or without a couple of close friends. He deserves to know this and be aware that this is very wrong.

As far as proof goes- all he would need to do is pull messages directly from Sprint/Verizon/etc. She's texted both dudes at length. AND her friends, myself included.

>>17373043
wow but I've seen some married women go batshit and she's not gonna stop. Agree you cannot be friends with someone like this, looks really bad on you. Coffee or something and out with it to him. Tell him you didn't know it would go down like this but you are out and think he should know. Oh, no contact with her and damn sure no more socializing. You've kinda enabled her to cheat

>>17373043
So you covered for her, even introducing her to new guys? Damn women are cold as fuck.

>>17373183
Yeaaah, never would've invited her to my going-away if I knew she'd use it as a platform to jump on another dick with.

And I don't care what it makes ME look like, I just want nothing to do with someone that can be that genuinely evil and careless to person she supposedly 'loves' (she still claims that). There's no moral compass there, so who tf would want that as a close friend?

Jesus, there's no easy way around this. This isn't going to be fun. At all.

>>17373193
no, what? I didn't and wouldn't EVER cover for her. I didn't introduce her to my guy-friend, I meant they were all at a party for me (I was moving). Her husband was there too.

I wasn't present for a lot of this stuff, other friends were. Hence, why she's lost all of us. No one has covered for her

dude just tell him asap

Definitely tell him, yourself. The pain now will be better than his years of doubt and the inevitable pain when he finds out some other way, especially if he finds out you knew and didn't tell him.

>>17373208
fair or not and while you say you don't care how it makes you look. your association with her as she's tramped all over town with you beside her makes you look trashy. you didn't really take the advise from your first trip here after guy 1, but hung in there. From the outside any decent man will give you both a wide berth

>>17373216
you were right beside her as she did this shit, not encouraging her but one of her group of gals playing and partying as her husband stayed home. Hey honey I'm headed to x with x and y, see you and she fucks some guy in a car.

>>17373275
Can you not read? I WASN'T THERE for her fucking either guy. The party for me her husband was at. I condensed a LOT of information, so I understand being confused, but no. Once I found out about guy1, that's when I stopped answering her texts and hanging out.

Finding out about guy2 is what's making me feel like I definitely can no longer stay silent. As well as a bunch of other stuff I found out that's listed.


>>17373259
I don't think you realize the rapid succession, what I was there for/wasn't there for, and when I began distancing myself/cutting her off. If anything, a dude who sees how I've acted would realize I take fidelity more serious than most people. Maybe I didn't explain it clearly, but no, I didn't enable nor condone this bullshit.

>>17373043
Bitch might have syphilis

>>17373372
fortunately she is using condoms with her husband but just... the blatant fucked-uppery is too much. I have a lot of guyfriends, and they're all dogs, but none are this fucking savage about it ffs.

>>17373495
I advised you in the last thread not to tell him, and I stand by it still. If her husband doesn't know what is going on, you are right, he is choosing not to know, and as terrible as a choice as it is, you need to respect it. He can pretend to himself that everything is fine and that no one notices the way he is treated - and maybe he actually doesn't care. You telling is forcing him to confront some painful, difficult truths that he clearly does not wish to confront, or is not capable of confronting. Unless you are willing to be his therapist guiding him through each step of recovery for the next 15 years as he rebuilds his life and self-esteem, telling him is a really unfair thing to do.

You've cut her out of your life, so likely you won't be interacting with either of them much anymore - although somehow you're still finding out about all this, so not sure what is up there. I would say the most you should do is send him a text saying that you're around if he ever wants to talk - something vague enough that he can keep ignoring what is happening, but supportive. Then actually remove this situation from your life. It is not your problem.

Your ex-friend is certainly fucked up though, wow.

>>17373536
Yeah, it's escalated. We share lots of mutual friends, each seeing or finding out more and more fucked up stuff. We all just recently realized we all knew, how much she's lied, how much fucked up stuff she's done, etc.

The fact that it's escalated has made me go from 'stay out of it and cut them out' to... this isn't ok. She lies so well maybe he DOESN'T have any idea.

If he truly doesn't want to deal with it, he can tell himself I'm lying and to continue on. Saying it's not my right to make him confront it seems like a copout... I I don't think, I can in good conscience leave it be and let this happen.

>>17373547
If you are taking it upon yourself to insert yourself into their lives, then you need to be prepared for the fallout. I do not think you are justified in telling, but if you are going to do it be prepared to support him - don't just tell him and then be like job well done! If he decides to end their marriage he is going to need a lot of help and friendship. Does he have a place to stay if he leaves her? Does he have other friends, or family?

I would suggest telling him alone, and not with a group, so he doesn't feel humiliated and like everyone knew and was laughing at him. You'll need to decide how to explain why you are telling him at this point and not earlier, which will be difficult since you have known for so long. He might want your support, or he might lash out at you and never want to speak to you again, so be prepared for any outcome along that spectrum. Also, be prepared for the shitstorm coming your way from your ex-friend.

>>17373341
how do you know so many details if you withdrew. You know if she is using condoms and who with as well as who she is fucking and when. You are her long time running partner, people know you guys are tight.

>>17373575
OP is already in their lives. She is a long time friend, knows the husband and she met the second guy at OP's party. She is up to her neck in this fuckery. The friend couldn't have gotten away with this shit if she didn't have cover.

>>17373043
Let me tell you how this shit works guys. Fucking married coworker and our mutual friend would lend us her apartment to fuck. Another time married coworker and two other female friends tell their spouses they are headed to the beach and rent a condo but guess who was there the whole weekend. Me. The married woman even called her husband and took calls from him when we were in bed. The other two women told their share of lies by omission.

This is how OP got herself in this shit but it got out of hand.

>>17373600
>The friend couldn't have gotten away with this shit if she didn't have cover.
The husband is obstinately oblivious and OP has done nothing to facilitate the ex-friends behavior, are you implying it is OP's fault?

>>17373575
Thanks, I appreciate that advice. The group WOULD be more humiliating. If he wants confirmation I can point him in their direction. And she can't really 'shitstorm' anything. I've got no secrets myself, because I'm not a private person in the least; and she can't even physically do anything- I live in a different state now. If she wants to "ruin" my rep, I don't really care about that either. People who know me won't pay it any mind, and those that do can fuckoff anyway.


>>17373591
>>17373600
This isn't some conspiracy. Why the fuck are you attempting to grill me or poke holes in my story? I've never covered for her. Her husband has never asked me shit. There's a circle of vaginas that all hang out, and that have all left her one-by-one (myself included) because of her behavior and the fact we all think it's fucked up. We all found out different shit at different times, some of which long after the fact. I wouldn't come here for advice and tell a half-story. So either believe me, or don't. I'm tired of these stupid accusations. I'm here because I DON'T condone, agree, enable, or want to be complicit with this crap.

>>17373625
JESUS FUCK. WHY does everyone think this?? No. For fucks sake, I find all this shit appalling, which is why I'm here. I'm sorry you know such shitty people.

To me, a friend is someone that sticks by you in hard times. Not one that enables you to do evil shit.

Tell him. Fuck ruined relationships. This type of shit pisses me off. Such an outstanding wrong, and you hesitate to make it right. Why suffer the guilt of keeping it in. This dude's life is being FUCKED over, and the bitch need to be properly framed. It's a life lesson that only time will properly mend together in the end. Let time and the world do its thing. Stop fighting something bigger than you.

>>17373646
It really makes me lose faith in humanity, honestly. I'm going to do the right thing. I'm just trying to gather my shit to do it, and do it right.

>>17373626
I'm saying by not withdrawing early or protesting strongly enough, the close relationship she has with this woman was used by the friend. Like a pick in basketball. I'm also saying her association with this woman is a bad reflection on her because she didn't remove herself early.

>>17373643
you are not in it because you moved. If you hadn't moved you would still be up to your neck in this shit. Puzzling is why you want to even tell him now or keep up with her escapades if you have moved on in your life. If you are gone and gone for good then don't mention her anymore or bother telling the husband. Bottom line she duped you too.

>>17373645
because you and your circle of vaginas had her back from the start and it sounds like you were in it right up till you moved away. You didn't get away from her, she's not even angry with you, you moved. I give major props to those vaginas that bailed early on this woman.

>>17373668
Do you feel a little guilty you gave her a pass for so long? Is that why you want to make it right by telling her husband? How can you know someone so long and be so close and never see the seed of this type of behavior? Maybe it was there all along.

>>17373732
Or maybe the friend is having a psychotic break, or a serious mental breakdown, or has developed bipolar disorder.

OP if your friend truly was a different person and then suddenly started acting dramatically differently, it is possible something is seriously wrong with her - maybe she even has a brain tumor or something.

>>17373719
YOU don't know the timeline, asshole- People bailed at different times because they found out different stuff at different times. It wasn't discussed among us and everything discovered until the past 3 days. I began distancing at guy1- which I discovered within the last week I was in town. I decided I needed to tell husband after finding out everything else. Why do you so badly need to believe we or I participated in this??

>>17373732
as far as I know, it hasn't being going on for long. I give no passes, I've been cheated on too. I stuck around through conversations about how she was bored and tempted, and advised her to 1.) GO TO HER SHRINK and figure out wtf she wants, and 2.) TALK to your husband. I want to make things right because right is right and wrong is wrong- no real guilt on my part, just sadness for him.

>>17373043
Since OBVIOUSLY I didn't make it clear from the jump-

I haven't known about this very long. It's been gradually building, with bits being discovered or disclosed to different people in the group, at different times. When I found out about guy1 (partially), that's when I told her what I thought, and began to distance myself. I didn't tell anyone or discuss it. I was also lied to about the whole "open marriage"/Hallpass thing. Why she confided in me at all is still a mystery, because I'm really black and white about cheating stuff, and am pretty judgemental on the subject. So no, none of us (that I know of) have covered for her, enable this bullshit, etc. Everyone had their "straw that broke the camel's back" moment separately. That's all I'll say on me "allowing this to happen"

>>17374048
Tell the man, do the right thing.

>>17373043
"she married a great dorky guy"

it obvious from the start
she married him for the money while she fucks the alphas.

women are pretty simple to get.
beta bucks alpha fucks

the sociopath always win when comes to love

>>17374079
Thanks. I'm going to.
I live in NYC now, this shit is in VA. I'm going to drive down after work Thursday and stay for the weekend. Text him during work hours. Something along the lines of:

Hey man, we need to talk in private, face-to-face. Please don't tell wife, I need you to trust me on this.

I've got to lay it ALL out. All or nothing.

The gaggle of vaginas support me in telling him, and all seem pretty thankful they don't have to do it. Who knows if they'll continue to back me when the time comes, I'm sure they will, but I'll get fine regardless.

This seem like a solid plan?

>>17374094
She makes about the same or slightly more money than him so it wasn't that. She was just fat as fuck when he married her. He wasn't and isn't, only a little skinnyfat.

What you said is true the majority of the time; it's all so disheartening.

>>17374048
so you are changing your story now, hmmm

Don't think you have the moral high ground to be the person to tell him. You had a chance when she whined to you about being bored and tempted to tell her don't do it. You didn't. Talk to your shrink isn't an answer and you knew she wouldn't talk to her husband she was bitching about him.

>>17374094
and OP is her best friend and confidant

>>17374134
>it's all so disheartening
but the gaggle of vaginas make the rules, right

>>17374098
did she fuck one of the guys you liked and why you flipped on her? pretty extreme to drive down for the weekend when you wanted to escape the drama

>>17373643
>I live in a different state now

Then move on with your life. Leave these people alone.

Even if my girl were cheating on me, I wouldn't want the news to come from her wingman some time after they had moved away. I probably wouldn't even believe it, and I certainly wouldn't buy the idea they were telling me for my own good. I'd think it was some kind of revenge scheme aimed at my girl and that you're just being petty because you know she can't reach you anymore.

>>17374248
Obviously I told her NOT to do it as well. I thought at the time it was normal 7 year itch... I had no idea she was capable of this kinda shit. I'm not changing my story, ffs. I haven't done the best job being clear about the timeline, but why the fuck are you so deadset on me having some wrongdoing? NONE of us discussed what we knew at the start. We all just recently have. You've offered no advice, you're just trying to poke holes for no real reason.

>>17374262
Nah, I have a serious boyfriend who's awesome. I'm not mad at her, just appalled and confused and dumbfounded- Also no one else will bite the bullet and tell her husband. He's a decent person, doesn't deserve this. Also, it's big enough news to do it face-to-face and I won't mind visiting other people in the state while I'm there.

>>17374298
The timing of my move is nice, but it's not my motivation. He knows me well enough I wouldn't pull shit like that- they've had previous drama amongst them I never participated in, but that was all just petty ridiculous girlstuff that blew over. And if he doesn't believe me or stays together? Fuck it, no piss in my Cheerios, I did the right thing. The rest is on him.

>>17374356
So what has your bf suggested in how to handle this? Tell the husband or not?

I'd be suspect about every time you were wingman for her or she for you after these revelations.

>>17374356
>it was normal 7 year itch
Is this really a thing for women? Guess it is and you knew it.

>>17374376
He agrees with me that I need to tell him. He finds the whole thing really really fucked up. Said he's proud I'm going through with something that everyone else wants to do but won't, and supports me 100%. The whole thing has actually been pretty reassuring of his character as well, which I guess is the VERY small silver lining.


>>17374379
isn't the 7year itch just when people just get kinda bored of each other? I don't think it's just a woman thing. I've never been married, so I am kindof naive to it. I didn't think she would ever cheat (probably because at the time she just kept telling me how guilty she felt for even thinking things, and would never EVER do anything to her husband because she loves him so).

Not reading the rest of the thread to see if it's been said but this is why you don't become a "dorky introvert guy"

>He married her when she was fat as fuck
Kek

Even as the void of a human that I am at least i'm not this bud, sorry if you bothered reading this op

>>17374417
>I don't think it's just a woman thing

Correct, it's a modern western subhuman thing.

As a guy, I would want to know. Nothing pisses me off more than infidelity and dishonesty. Tell him. It will be hard but he doesn't deserve this.

>>17374432
yeah, I've never gotten bored of anyone, but I see it happen a lot with coworkers and stuff. It makes me really sad... and scared. I hope that never happens to me or with me. At the very least though, I'll at least ditch someone before cheating.

>>17374417
If anything this tells you and us when a person cheats it can do major damage and not just to the unknowing partner. Not fooling when I say your close association with her gives you a black eye though no fault of your own. Another silver lining is your attempt to tell her husband is proof of your displeasure and will help your bf sleep soundly at night.

She doesn't love her husband. Boredom or a hot coworker crush should be no match for commitment.

>>17374439
This is a real shit position to be in. And though it's selfish, I wish I'd never found all this out and I didn't have to deal. But thanks for your input, it makes it easier to do something so.. un-fun.

>>17374429
yeah it's sad to see. But you know? Dudes go up in stock and chicks go down as everyone ages. He will be fine later on. She... will not. Being an unattractive terrible person won't get you far as a woman.

>>17374429
>>He married her when she was fat as fuck
she'll be fat again just you wait

>>17374448
yeah, this thread alone has made me see how shit will look on ME. I mean, how many times have I had to defend myself? No one can seem to believe I didn't enable it somehow, or that my motives for telling him aren't fucked up.

So if half the assholes here think that, who knows in the real world? But whatever, I show via actions, and if someone can't see that? Fuck em.

And looking back on her 'bored' convo? Now I'm thinking she was just testing the waters with me. She was probably already cheating. You don't "love" someone and do this. You're just bullshitting yourself, agree wholeheartedly.

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75KB, 700x357px

>>17374467
>I mean, how many times have I had to defend myself? No one can seem to believe I didn't enable it somehow, or that my motives for telling him aren't fucked up.

You're on a chan, really. But your new priority gained is good; I was always kind of wary of a girl I was briefly close to for having a few superslut friends