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To /adv/,
My entire life after high school, I have been going through a vicious cycle of apathy and self loathing. I'm seriously becoming slowly fucked in the head.
It's become so bad that I will stop whatever i'm doing and just go to sleep in the middle of the day because I don't want to be awake or thinking.
I hardly enjoy anything anymore. Communication has become extremely taxing and i'm constantly bitter. I experience zero motivation.
I have read, watched and gone through countless self help videos and literature. I execute things, I see improvement but I just become disgusted.
Why disgusted, you might ask. I become bored. I honestly can not stand being bored. It's agony for me. I flip out. This is something I want to lose.
So It's like this: Feel fucked up > self help > make change > see improvement > become bored out of mind > apathetic > feel fucked up
I am unhappy with myself and the actions I have taken in my life. I honestly despise myself and other people pick up on it really fast.
I hate my surrounding, my work and most of all my inability to enjoy and work hard on what I used to love. I just don't feel anything anymore.
The only thing I feel is the desire to escape myself. If I don't stop this, I don't know what i'm going to do. I am already 25 years old.
I just want to put down video games and be content with a pen and some paper or Photoshop. I want to love myself but it seems impossible.
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We're similar in a few ways. Let me ask you something:
Can you see yourself ever being a happy, functional member of society? I'm not saying you're not functional. I'm asking if you could be happy as such.
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>>17319866
I guess it's not that simple. It's almost as if I have to be someone looked up to and highly experienced or no one at all.
Even if I was doing what I think I really want to do without becoming bored or experiencing apathy, I would still be an outlier.
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>>17319887
You have some inner thoughts you need to address. Why is being someone looked up to so imporant to you? It's not always a bad thing.
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>>17319937
I just feel like I need to be a professional at something. This naturally causes people to want to learn from you or feel inspired by you.
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>>17319959
Well yeah, but that will happen naturally. It's not something you need to be so fixated on.
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I figured I would attempt a bump. I have been gone for a bit.
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Sounds like you need to challenge yourself more. Have you considered picking up new hobbies? Traveling, even?
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>>17320673
I could try new hobbies but I have a feeling it's going to be the same.
I actually want to travel but it's expensive and who doesn't like traveling?
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This spiral of self-loathing and apathy won't end without professional help. Have you considered you might have depression? Or a psychotic illness? The apathetic episodes could indicate 'negative' symptoms. I would suggest going to a doctor, self-help books very rarely help mental illnesses. If you want to research your symptoms though look up psychosis and depression, you might be able to gain some pointers.
(I have studied mental health and have had Bipolar/Depression for 4 years)
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>>17320839
Sorry for the late reply.
I just feel like doctors can't help this. Medication won't change anything.
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