Thread replies: 10
Thread images: 3
Thread images: 3
File: 1275227732297.jpg (116KB, 500x500px) Image search:
[Google]
116KB, 500x500px
>Be in relationship for 6 years
>First 2 years were awesome and perfect
>Things started to go downhill and only got progressively worse year 3
>Worse as in less and less effort put forth by him into the relationship
>Tried to gently mention it when I first noticed
>Have been gently mentioning it for 3 years
>Little to no change
Dont get me wrong. We dont fight and we're not abusive to each other. But now it feels like there's this emptiness in the relationship because he puts forth such little effort to communicate or do nice things. Yes, I lead by example. Up until year 5 I would try to show him how much I cared and be a dream girlfriend (buying him gaming consoles, figures, a guitar, clothes, spending lots of time on sweet thoughtful handmade gifts, doing things as a surprise and not just on special days/holidays, ect.) but it seemed like he just accepted all of my gratuitous effort as just part of my personality and not me actually trying to be pretty perfect for him. Surprises were never reciprocated by him and things done on special days were always a week to two weeks late, if anything was done at all. At year 5 of this emotional neglect, I decided to busy myself as much as possible to try and distract myself from the crippling depression this was causing me. I picked up 2 more jobs (for a total of 3), 3 pets, school, a club, and started rigorously learning a new language as well as devoting time to penpal friend language sessions. "I love you" was only said every day before bedtime. It felt empty and ritualistic because actions clearly stated "We've been pretty chill fuckbuddies for a while." I really didn't like feeling that way. But when you love someone, you put in effort. Thats just how it is. Some sort of effort. Anyway here we are at the halfway point of year 6 and there's been little to no improvement and im not really after other guys. Id like this all to just be fixed. But after all this time spent crying and wasting away, Ive come to a realization.
>>
>>17314499
"This just doesn't seem to be working"
Ive started to put tons more effort into my future, rather than trying to singlehandedly fix what needs two people. So why am I still sad? Why am I still bitter? Why is this happening?
>>
File: 1453555940413.png (727KB, 818x499px) Image search:
[Google]
727KB, 818x499px
>>17314499
>gently mentioning it for 3 years
You are as much of the problem as he is. Talk to him face to face, no distractions. Make it obvious you care and want to make it work but it seems like a one way street.
Don't try to make him feel guilty or bad, just point it out in a non-incriminating way.
DIRECTLY
I emphasis this because you have been INDIRECTLY mentioning it for 3 years which is why you are part of the problem. Be open and explain your thoughts, unlike most woman I have been in a relationship with. He will appreciate it even if it doesn't seem like he does initially.
Cute picture btw.
>>
>>17314499
Hey man, you eventually realized that you've wasted your time on someone who is either beyond stupid or just doesn't value you. You've worked hard for 6 years! Don't use the now I can't just walk away excuse. Cut your loss, move onto bigger and better things. What hasn't changed, isn't going to change.
>>
>>17314499
Drop his ass.
>>
>>17314560
You're right. I guess I shy away from being direct because every time I have mentioned it, he goes into self pity mode and honestly it makes me feel terrible. Like im the kind of person that cant even call names or use curse words if im upset with you and genuinely care about you. (Ofcourse randoms can suck my tit but I care about quality of conversation with people I care about).
>>17314627
>>17314637
I cant help but bitterly feel that this will be the realistic conclusion. But yet I still want to try for some reason.
>>
>>17314715
Don't let him guilt you Anon. State your business, and if he tries to deviate into self-pity mode say "I'm telling you so we can work on this together and be happier, not to make things worse"
>>
Combine the advice given so far and tell him that you are not feeling emotionally fulfilled in the relationship, and that you NEED him to commit more for the relationship to work.
>>
>>17314730
>>17314728
I was scared of sounding ultimatum-ish but this is worded pretty nicely. Thanks, anons.
>>
File: 1466974266775.jpg (19KB, 510x340px) Image search:
[Google]
19KB, 510x340px
>>17314499
Like other anons said, talk straight and be honest.
I think you're doing way too much gifting and pleasing. It sounds he is taking all that for granted, make sure you also mention that.
Damn, I wish my SO was like you.
Thread posts: 10
Thread images: 3
Thread images: 3