Get it off your chest

>>17277535 #
About 5 months ago I experienced emotional and mental abuse. It traumatized me and when I asked for help I never got it until it was absolutely dire, I was at my wits end dealing with my abuser. I was taken into another home, I moved away, somewhere away from my abuser but the place I moved was unsupportive. I had no privacy, I had no rest, I had to take up responsibilities I could not manage. I was expected much when I was still trying to regain my sense of safety because for a month I was denied food and needed it badly. I had lost 20 pounds while trying to stave off my abuser and continue to finish my college semester where it was crucial for me to transfer.

When I moved I was a nervous and emotional wreck, I was scared and nervous I was afraid and terrified of everything I was hyper vigilant, I had all the symptoms of emotional and mental abuse plus the symptoms of being starved. I cried every night and the place I moved to was very unsupportive I was vulnerable and deeply disturbed.

I was this way for 5 months without support and I literally experienced mental breakdowns one after another every night for weeks, I became trapped in my own head and isolated from any normal amount of human affection or warmth, I was alone in this house for 5 months and my means of getting out where limited by the fact I have to pay a car with an anxiety inducing job that gives no money

My anxiety went through the roof and it was met with nothing, my depression as well. My sense of self was completely destroyed and I was expected to be okay after all of this. It's been 5 months since I moved but with all of the nothing I received I'm still a wreck trying to get by every anxiety inducing panic attack filled day with no support.

I am alone dealing with this, I am breaking more and more and my body and emotions and mind have gone where no person should ever go or feel.

To the point where I wanted to scream for just the attention of someone

It hurts, all of this.

Anyone browse this site a lot in 2012? Did politics leak into the other boards as much as it's doing now?

>>17277577
It's ok, anon. It's only been 5 months. Nobody heals that fast.
Are you seeing a therapist?

>>17277570
>don't have to worry about /x/ turning to shit; it's always been so.
Truth right there. It feels like it went even further down somewhere along the line, last year i tried to maintain a lucid dreaming general but it kept dying after 10 posts. Feels bad man.

>>17277579
Only some boards. It's gotten really goddamn bad recently, fucking culture wars.

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My gf cheated on me one week ago today... With a guy I've known since I moved here (Roughly 7 years)... It was the second time she'd done it (That I know of)... The first time she did it was to score us some drugs... She said she didn't do anything, but she still got the drugs, and in my experience drug dealers don't give anything away for free. But I played dumb and gave her another chance because I loved her. Well, after she did that I noticed I was no longer IN love with her.
Her excuse this time was that I had been emotionally distant for A FEW DAYS. Which I know is bullshit, because her weird behavior had been going on for about two weeks.
And it's true, I had been emotionally distant. I was growing tired of having to pretend that I was deeply in love with her... I'd wanted to break up with her for a couple months. But she had nowhere to go. Shitty friends who wouldn't take her in, and she was ostracized from her family.

I gave her a home, food, clothes, etc.
I gave her caring and love.
I gave her money when she didn't have a job. (Which was 75% of the relationship)
I was supportive.
I was faithful.

And she turned out to be nothing but a lying, cheating cunt.

I threw her out on the curb like the piece of human garbage she is.

I feel like I should be more angry... But, no real anger. Not one tear shed for her.... I guess I'm more hurt by the betrayal. Both from her and from my friend. I had problems with trust before her, and now they're even worse.

And now I pretty much don't have anyone to talk to... I've lost most of my friends in the past few years, and this isn't something I'm comfortable talking about with my family.

tl;dr gf cheated, she's a whore, I've got no friends, boo hoo me.

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Posted last thread>>17277404 but it's still bugging me
>3:00 AM last night
>finish workout, might as well get some sleep
>PING, message from a girl
>image loading...
>it's a naked black guy with a condom on, staring knowingly into the camera
>mfw
now don't get me wrong, this shit's hilarious, but before this i was a hermit and I never learned any social skills so I constantly have this feeling like there's something going over my head

>>17277635
Uhh, you know the girl? What's your relation to her?

Fat guys are fucking disgusting.

>>17277566
My fiancée left me after we were together since highschool. 10 years, engaged for 2. She told me she doesn't know who she is and that God made her do this. I hate god.

>>17277637
Yeah, i know her. We're friends (i think).

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I wish I could just be normal and be happy.
I literally stay inside all the time, don't really have friends, I have one I see at conventions and some online friends but hardly any friends in real life.
My only joys in life are eating snacks, dressing up, and watching anime and I strip for a living because my depression is so bad that any other job makes me feel like literally killing myself and with stripping I can just work a couple days a week and have time and money for the only things that make me happy, which are anime merch and snacks.
People always say I am super sweet, that I look super happy, and say I "shouldn't ever lose that smile" and I am the "happiest person they know" but you know what? They never want to hang out anyways. It is always "Oh sorry I have plans" or some awkward excuse. I am stuck in "friendly acquaintence" purgatory with everyone and I am not happy at all. I just look that way naturally for some reason. Always laughing and a permanent smile even if I am sad.
I literally am only living for things like anime and nice food. Once I am in my 30's and too old to strip I will probably just kill myself. Sometimes I think about killing myself now because of how purposeless and empty my life feels but the fact that my parents expected so much from me and I have only been a huge disappointment makes me think it would be really shitty just to kill myself on top of it. They don't know I strip or anything, but they always wanted me to be successful and I am just working and have an apartment and have not went to college or anything and I can tell it makes them sad.
My life is a depressing wreck. I wish I had more in life but there I don't really see more. I don't believe in any higher power, have no urge to have kids and a family, am only interested in anime and internet culture so it is hard to make friends, and I go out often but it is always alone and I just wish someone would hang out with me.
I wish I could just change myself entirely.

I feel shame, anxiety and sadness after having sexual intercourse. I love my partner, she's very loving and understanding, and I really want to please her, but for some reason this whole physical thing is making me uneasy.

>>17277577
If only this wasn't the internet. I would hug you, which is something that I rarely do.

I've been in those refuge homes and they're lower than shit tier.

Congratulations on having a child, but I really don't care. Sorry, I wish I did, but I don't.

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>>17277660
Consider enrolling at your local community college or university.
Just having something to distract you from the depression helps, and I'm sure you can find a degree plan that suits your fancy (considering that you like stripping, anime, food, and nice clothes at least).

It'll give you the security you need to worry less about the future, and replace "suicide" with something else in your life plans after 30.
Would also help you find good friends with similar interests, which it sounds like you need.

>I am just working and have an apartment
That's good. You're more successful than many others on this site already. Just need to keep going.

>I go out often but it is always alone and I just wish someone would hang out with me.
>I wish I could just change myself entirely.
You don't need to be anyone else. You could be a lot worse, just listen to other stories in these threads.
I'm sure there are people that want to hang out with you, people who like you for who you are.
Try to open up and give them a chance to show it.
I know a girl who sounds a little like you (actually >>17277635, kek). Puts herself down despite being beautiful, smart, and likable.
She's also into anime and such, and against the odds (we're expats with few social opportunities), she ran into a nice guy who's into the same things, and now they're together.
Keep pushing, one day it'll be your turn to get lucky.

I'm an emotional slut. I pretty much latch on to anyone who shows me romantic or even barely flirtatious attention. Haha, I can't wait to die.

>>17277817
Thank you for your nice and thought out reply, I am glad you care
The reason I don't go to college though is because I get stressed out so easily that I don't want to start college and be depressed with schoolwork and worrying, and even after college I will have to get a normal job and like I said, normal jobs I have had just made me feel extremely suicidal.
I am also afraid that I will accumulate college debt on top of having to work a regular job and will feel like I wasted what little bit of youth I have and will want to kill myself anyways. I just don't want to waste what little time I know I have being stressed in college for something that is entirely uncertain to me. and could make my situation a lot worse.
I would really need to think suuuper hard about it before going to college
Also I am not sure how much I really will want to live past 30 to be honest. I have no purpose and am basically drifting. I am only living in hopes of finding some kind of purpose until then and living off the little amount of things I actually enjoy until then. If I find a purpose I will try to go to school again and try to live longer but for me right now I have no drive and don't see a lot more negatives in going than positives.
Maybe finding a significant other I really love will give me a purpose, I have thought about that before. That is one of the things that keeps me going. I just will have to see how it goes
And thanks again anon!

I think I have a physical obligation to listen to music. Whenever I go without it for stretches my life is so much worse.

>Go to sleep feeling like shit after venting
>Wake up and immediately feel like shit
How do I at least feel less awful in the run up to moving on?

Obesity is a problem which millions of over weight females are confusing with sexism. Feminisim is meant to be about equality, but has been contorted by young people's idiotic ideas. Donald Trump is more correct than most self proclaimed feminists these days. Tired of this internet bullshit goodnight

>>17277941
Moving on from what?

i've had phimosis for 3 yrs. finally going to the doctor about it on thursday. here's hoping i won't get talked into getting cut and the doctor will perscribe me corticosteroids
im pretty fkn anxious about this, but i just want it fixed now, as im leaving abroad for uni soon.

also trying to get a driving license. i've damaged my eyesight like a year ago but it's a-ok now so hopefully getting it approved by a doctor will go smoothly

>>17277951
Everything I vented about last thread, not linking to the posts. I'm making the effort to cut ties with a few communities that remind me a little too much, ones we had in common. I woke up and immediately felt all the sadness and self-loathing hit me again. It just seems to get more and more intense every day

>>17277579
Trap threads became a whole lot popular after 2012 for some reason, about the same time. There's an undercurrent of faggotry at /pol/.

>>17277965
Don't think I have enough experience to help you out there, honestly. Hope it goes well for you though.
>>17277995
Most /pol/acks are really insecure about their sexuality I think. That would explain it.

Been messaging a girl on OKC and it's been going well, though sometimes she takes a while to respond which is no big deal, people get busy. I went to check this morning to see if she had replied and accidentally clicked on her profile, which the site lets you know who visited you. Now she's going to think I'm desperate as fuck even though I didn't mean to click on her profile.

>>17277998
For some /pol/tards maybe, but for the rest it's seem like the retarded conclusion for their hate of women. Like a jailhouse faggot version of milo.

>>17278019
I like traps and I'm the complete opposite of /pol/. The justification probably comes from the hatred of women since most would prefer not being "gay" in any sense.

i pay my girlfriend's 15 year old cousin for massages and other favors

Just because someone has something bothering them does not mean you are important enough to be given any welcome into their life, Jose. You don't, and you thinking your behaviour is suddenly accepted when it's the very reason I cut all ties to you to begin with is deluded. Stay out of my life if you can't act your age.

>>17277566
sometimes i have that emotional phase when i feel like i urgently need to do something, but i don't know what(feels like i can't remeber actually), and it just keeps nagging at me for several days.
fucking hormones or whatever is causing this. What did I do to deserve this?

>>17278197
Am I supposed to be thankful that you're trying to piss me off knowing that I'm busy moping about something else? That I'm supposed to be happy to have someone purposely trying to piss me off when I'm already pissed off at myself? No I fucking don't want this, I don't want another source of frustration, I don't want something else to be angry at. I don't want more negativity than I've already brought to myself through hesitation. I just want a reason to be happy and I won't have that reason until I get over him. So stop jumping at the chance to add to the list of problems. I have to watch my ex move on with his new relationship only as a result of my actions. Don't jump at the chance to try to piss me off whether to serve as a distraction or for your own pleasure. Is this too much for you to understand? You going out of your way to add to my problems and set out to piss me off isn't helping me, and if it's just for your own sick games then please find someone else to antagonize.

When a dog is down and wounded, don't fucking kick it several times.

be me, britbong
>turning 20 this week
>kissless virgin
>no friends
>severe social anxiety
>don't know how to talk to people
>or even where to go to talk to people
>NEET
>no job
>flunked out of college


im pretty sure im haveing some kind of quarter life crisis, i just don't know what i even should be doing, i just want to sleep through most days

>>17278233
You have about 5 years before the effects become permanent and you have a proper quarter life crisis.

I can't stand how racist most of this site is. It doesn't matter to most people but it really upsets me when I see it. I'm sure there's someone reading this right now even who thinks I should go to reddit for having this opinion. Oh well.

Man I have no sense of style. In the workdays I'm in my shitty uniform surrounded by yuppies in their expensive suits and shirts and on my off days I'm in equally drab clothes surrounded hipsters and students with tattoos, piercings, highlights, latest fashion etc.

>>17277897
If you wanna drift, then drift, love. Do it. But instead of jumping, instead of packratting weeb merch (in the nicest way possible, I promise) go /trv/ and find yourself instead. Save some dough and just go, the world is your oyster. Find something to live for. A Better Place, A Better Time by Streetlight Manifesto, I think, would be worth a listen.

My gf broke up with me a couple of months ago. I miss her terribly, the relationship and all. But I also miss having physical intimacy. Kissing her lips, feeling her skin on mine. And the sex..She is amazing in bed and god I miss it.

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I went on a successful date recently which I hadn't done in a few years. The girl was really cute and smart. She had a really good time.

Now I'm just waiting for her to get tired of how I unintentionally seem emotionally disinterested in people. Feels like there'd no way to prevent it.

I'm desperately crushing on my boss. Sometimes he seems to go out of his way to get close to me or touch me, press up against me, lean right over my shoulder, or move my hair. Then other times he backs away more than he really needs to, like I smell. I always check or make my brutally honest friend check... I don't smell. I just feel so confused.

when I feel you're supporting me and we are going to make this together, I feel lovely and warm and fuzzy and safe and blissfully happy, and days I'm not so confident, I think about the women you've dated and even though you followed me when I said I wanted you, I needed you, I still don't know where you're going with all this. where we are going, I really want this to work, I've fallen for you more tha anyone else and I've a lot to do, and I'm investing a lot of time and my deepest emotions into this, and still I need you to comfort me now and be with me and my heart feels full of pain and that pain is not caused directly by you most of the time but by being apart from you, and when we are together I feel happy, I feel the same as I always have about you, and I can't feel it for anyone else, and need some clarity, this vision of us, of you, I need you, I don't know if you feel the same, I hate it when I hear you were seeing this person or that person, and I hate it! ugh! I'm not seeing anyone at all! because I'm in love with you, I can't make it go away, nothing makes it go away, and at the end, I love you, I don't want it to go away, and I don't ever want you to go away, and I can't get away and please stay, and I know how desperate my life is and always was without you

LET THE INFATUATION BEGIN
DRUM UP THE LUV PLAYLIST I LISTEN TO WHEN I FEEL LIKE DIS
BRING ON THE CUDDLES AND MOVIES AND STAYING AT HOME PLAYING RUNESCAPE TOGETHER AND EATING FOOD
AMAZING SEX
BACK RUBS
CUTE CHEEK KISSES AND THOSE LOOKS WE GIVE EACH OTHER WHEN WE LOCK EYES
please don't hurt me like the rest of them :(

>60 hours since my last drink
>it still sucks
I know I've got this, but it really sucks

>>17278512

You made the right choice.

E,

As you called, I am still here, and have not changed my number.

I work all day, but should be at my apartment by 10:30 tonight, if you want to call back.

If not, then what was that about?

- R

>>17277612
When you give people too much they expect you yo give them more.
Never give that much to anyone.

When i see something that relates to my situation i feel that sensation on your belly you get when you get caught doing something your mother didn't want and/or feel like crying.

I'm starting to like this feeling a lot, i don't know if it's good or bad. Not the wish to cry though.

I really miss you and want to see you. Wish i didn't. wish I could stop thinking about you. Because I know you have no real respect for who I really am, do you? Fuck i'm so depressed. I know you leaving was for the best. I know I been kinda meanish last we talked but i'm not sorry cause you never are. Wish God could though me a bone. i'm so alone you and B and B adn maybe D. are the only people i really liked. I still think you got a good heart even though i know you're slightly evil. I'm over whatever stupidity makes me want to be with you just want to hang out and be your friend. There's something about you. There's something about us. We have a lot to discuss.

When I feel super lonely at home I leave 4chan open to feel there are people alive around going through stuff and feel less alone.

>>17278746
But isn't that wishful thinking?

I need to follow through on this for my own well being but I yet again am second guessing myself.

I've rid myself of a lot of people I thought were friends but turned out not to be. I had even been questioning why I was even friends with some of them when they would only offer the advice of "stop fucking up" and upon further analysis the person saying that is probably one the biggest fuck ups I know of.

It feels like everyone around me is up to something or part of some conspiracy and they just wear fake smiles, offer fake friendships and try to pull the wool over my eyes. I'm not having it.

So my only recourse is to separate myself from them. How the fuck are you supposed to get over something when you can't put your finger on what it is in the first place and am constantly reminded of it? You know whos involved but they will never be honest with you about it? Constantly fucking with your head, constantly fucking with your personal issues even if they are no longer trying to?

I can't take it anymore. If you can't be my friends or family, can't make me aware of what the fuck it is you/they did or has been done, then why the fuck should I want you around or to be around you?

A time machine would give me the chance to fix it. Time machines don't exist. Any amount of effort now is pointless. Having to accept that it's impossible. Having to accept that I am the reason it's impossible. Having no choice but to move on. If God exists, I cannot blame him. If other forces exist, I cannot blame them either. Just me. Just me while any other factor merely observed. Move on, get over it, look to the future. This is all fine and optimistic, but I need to reach that stage, and even then the fact remains. It's only necessary because of me. Impossibility. Inevitability. Futility. When all of these words only apply to the situation because of your own actions, it hurts. It's like you denied yourself what you wanted. You denied yourself what you had your heart set on. I only have myself to blame. I vent to anons on an advice board just so that someone can read the words without having a face to match to them. Because it's too late for the only person I would want to be able to make that match to care.

What am I supposed to wish for? To not hate myself? That won't resolve my problem. To fill the void? That won't resolve my self-hatred. To be able to be given a window in which to put the effort and determination into fixing the situation for the result I always had my heart set on? Isn't that wishing for the impossible? I can't wish for them to break up, that's not only wrong but it doesn't even bring about the guarantee of even a window in which to try and fix it.

>>17278785
And to add to that if I am such a terrible person, what the fuck is wrong with the lot of you that you'd want me around in the first place? I can only guess that it is for your own benefit beyond that of enriching your life relationships and growing to give a flying fuck about anyone but yourself. You don't care how your actions effect others it seems, so why the fuck should I continue to care how my actions effect others?

>>17278792
Today, they saw a message talking about an anniversary. They were optimistic about their own future. They aren't married, they've only recently gotten together, but does that not show? Just how hopeful the person I was with, let go of and watched move on is in the new relationship. I think it shows.

I should be happy for them. That they can smile. That they're in love and everyone wishes them the best. But I look at myself and see the person who is responsible for me not having who I love. For that optimism to no longer apply to me. Because, I have no right to wish for that when I ended it.

So certain that someone was better for him than I could be. So certain that someone could help him when he was down, better than I could. So certain that he'd trust someone else more than he could trust me. Funny, because that insecurity led to this result. Is this not a self-fulfilling prophecy?

It's just that I have no choice but to get over it. I have no choice but to move on. I have no choice but to know that he moved on. I have no choice, only because I left myself without a choice. I can only hate and resent myself, because I messed up. I messed up, I messed up by ending it, I messed up by not fixing it, I messed up by trying to wear a mask to hide how much I was hurting. I messed up for so long that it became an impossible situation.

I'm going to sleep again. I'm sick of being awake right now.

Telling me that everything in life is going to be scary isn't going to make me feel any better about growing up. It makes me more anxious and keep delaying my growth.

>>17278269

This. You are not alone. This fucking post.

All the assholes on /a/ hate themselves but then call the Japanese nips and shit. Biting the hand that feeds them is pretty common with them.

All of the /v/irgins on /v/ are trailer trash shithead backwater know nothings who only know what their shithead drunkard dickless right wing shithead daddies spew out after slamming down a few.

Posting shit about "niggers". I remember when niggra was used more. Nigger has become ambivalent and there's proof there's been more black people here but that doesn't mean absolutely fucking shit.

What pisses me off even more is how they use the word autist as an excuse to divert attention from their forever beta shitfilled heads whenever someone doesn't agree with them. It's just like the racism card; going for the lowest common denominator, only to people with a different thought process.

I can also blame all of this on whatever shitfilled forums are out there and whatever shitcreature that seeps into here because they learned that anyone can look at the forums and outright dox them if they took the effort and had the time.

I'm happy there's /qst/. I'm happy there's creative undertakings here.

But I'm happy all of those fucking shitheads are on here forever, than having to deal with their pathetic filthy asses offline, in the fact that I'll never see them to do any of their dumbass shit outside. Even the people who go to conventions are better than you faggots. And I've been around them. They're sociable. They're inviting. And outside of the "convention horror" stories I haven't seen any of the shit you fuckers spew out.

Fuck you and fuck off into the abyss.

>>17277586
I am, she's not helping whatsoever besides pushing pills on me, when all they did before was make me even more nervous and anxious

>>17277787
Thanks anon, I'm trying to get whatever support or help I can manage. Words like that really do help a lot. Thank you

>>17278792
You can defo blame God. He's the prick that set us up to fail.

I cheated on my SO with a very close friend of mine. They knew each other and were good friends, but not as close as her and I.
My SO, oblivious to that, cheated on me with someone we knew and a close friends of her.
I was devastated, although I know we were destined to fail. She swears she didn't cheat, even after we split up and I have proof she did it.

I'm just starting to notice some nasty bites in my ankle and torso, I'm thinking it might be fleas. It's not fucking fair.

I gave my cats that anti parasite thingy less than 6 months ago, I haven't even been to any remotely grassy area in even longer, I do nothing that compromises my hygiene and change my bed sheets often. Nobody else in the house has it, my cats aren't even scratching themselves.

If I got them it must have been from some dirty stranger on the bus because sometimes it's pretty packed. It's so fucking unfair. Fuck everything

>>17278792
Amen, brother. I know exactly what you're going though. In fact, I'm fairly sure someone that knows I come here will think that post was mine.

I wish you strength to move on and continue forward. Just don't make the same mistake again, Anon.

>>17278862
I can't blame him, because whether he exists or not, he didn't influence any of this. I messed up. It's my mistake. Only mine. My own actions could have turned this around, or completely avoided it. But I didn't, I ended it, I never fixed it, and here we are and I'm just forced to accept the consequences of my actions.

In this situation, the only person who had the power to turn this around was me. And now that power has left me. God, life, fate, destiny, the stars, Satan. They are all powerless within this situation. The power is entirely left to the guy I wish I could be with.

>>17278878
Thanks. Eventually. I have to get over the fact it's the only way forward first.
I've never hated a situation, or anyone, as much as I hate this situation and myself right now.
Going to keep my word and try to sleep. It's only 9 PM, but if I stay awake I'll keep focusing on it

>>17278883
We need to move on, but we also need to want to move on. I haven't gotten to that stage yet. I resent myself so much for screwing up that I don't sleep properly. Even my dreams are messed up now. Please be strong and push onwards. It's the only direction people like us can go. It's either that or breaking.

I think my girlfriend missed her period, im stressed out, have no motivation to do anything, stopped working out, I feel emotionally drained for some reason, I feel like a stressed out piece of shit.

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I don't know what to do for a living.

It's not that I don't like anything, it's just that every single profession just seems so cool. I can't decide. I feel like if I choose one, after couple years I find something more awesome, and get depressed that I did not choose that first. Every day passes when I'm just choosing and looking for information, which profession feels like the right one. I say I don't care about the money, but in my country everything is expensive. I'm scared. I'm 24 and I feel like it's taking too long to choose. I want to find my profession allready! I want to fall in love with my work, learn everything from it and just let it take over my life.

The whole world is alien to me. Every little nook and cranny of it, completely foreign to me. Can't get used to any of it, or anyone in it. I'm not meant to be living.

I am starting over.

Breaking up with my boyfriend. Leaving the business. Leaving this apartment. All I want is a stable life but I can't have it here.

I am finished with pigs who manipulate me into cleaning up their mess and working for them.

No more parties.

No more fake friends.

This is a new life.

>>17279231
Were you a prostitute?

Damn it, I don't give a shi* if your gay, tranz or a fat fu*k!! Let me live my life and judge you as a person not as a gay, tranz or a fat ass...Why do people feel the need to tell everyone in the world when NO ONE CARES BUT THE SHI* HEADS WHO WANT TO MAKE IT INTO A FIGHT?!!! As for the vage lovers in the world, I DONT HATE WOMEN, I HATE that you want to Force other women to HAVE TO be drafted...fuc* man, you can go enlist your damn self and do your part. People actually want to LIVE and take care of their kids. I know every situation is different but I bet more then 90% of ladys WOULD RATHER NOT.

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Some days I just want to disappear from existence. I'm reaching my breaking point, I can no longer bear it, I remember something once: Suicide is not chosen; it happens, when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.

And I'm reaching that point and it's just scary.

i wish just one person in my life would welcome me into their home or really insist for me to stay

i've got no family and no flat, i've been living in a student flat for the last years and after that, moved from place to place

each time people were like "yeah that's fine you can stay" but never really meant it, or no longer than a few days


i pray every night so God can send me someone i can rely on and trust, just one person

i don't know where i will end up, before i can find a job i need a place to stay, and if i want a place to stay i need a job

y am i livingn

>>17278892
I know, truly. It just really hurts. It hurts that there's no other option. And that it's the only option as a result of my own actions. My dreams are getting affected, too, and then I wake up just to feel it all hit me at once. Why am I so stupid as to have ended up in this situation? It's not a question of how, I already know. It's just so stupid, I'm so stupid. To be forced to move on, get over it. To be forced, as a result of my own insecurity and hesitation, to find someone else.

Months of regret and hesitation, ultimately to end in no other option but to move on because I hesitated to fix it. I wish I had another chance. I wish this wasn't all it was meant to lead to. I wish I wasn't so pathetic.

I'm going to be eaten up aren't I?

"yeah proabblky at soem chereographed point in the future"

But if I do be ... well at what I do does that help?

"In the hands of the normies"

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>mfw working with a 4channer who's turning 40 this year

Holy fucking shit is he insufferable. He has no idea I know that he goes on here, nobody does. Since I'm everyone's personal technician I just happened to catch it in his browser history at work.

He is so fucking retarded it hurts. He has no sense of common courtesy AT ALL. He barely knows how to say hello and good bye, he just demands shit from everyone like a huge douchebag. And he's intensely incompetent (I work with him one on one all the time), but he does a really good job at keeping his nose buried in his boss's asshole.

>>17277566
I wish for our death.

You and me.

I wish we both would die together in a fire. I hope we suffer then to suffer no more.

>>17279416
>4chan is part of someone's identity
Maybe you belong on reddit, friendo.

You should go back there.

>>17279465
You're fucking clueless if you don't think some people are attracted here by personality type. He's one of those people.

Just how much is this going to eat me up? Six months of it should have been enough. Six months of regret and misery should have been enough. But the fact I'm like I am now, venting, crying, dreaming, waking up just to repeat it all. Isn't this too long? So why is it feeling worse and worse every day? Why did I throw up earlier? I also saw a thread on another board. Well, technically two, but this second one made me realize even more how much I cared. I shouldn't still care, I should be able to move on, not be getting worse. I shouldn't have a worry instilled thinking that said thread would have been referring to him meeting up with his new partner soon.

I'm deteriorating. Worrying, hating myself, losing appetite. Worrying more. Crying. Venting. It's just an awful cycle. Too emotionally invested in someone I wasn't with for nearly as long as I've been apart from him. Self-hatred just gets worse every day. It feels like I can only get worse before I even have a chance of getting through this.

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I like girls. I've known I liked girls for well over 8 years now since I was 15. I've been in a few amazing relationships with other woman and they all went to shit whenever it came to meeting my family because i refused to do it. my family doesn't know I'm a closet lesbian and I'm terrified of them hating me if I come out.

I want to die. But i know suocide isn't the right way. I want to "earn my death". I want to die soing something that actually matters. Like saving a bunch of people from a mass shooting by tacking the shooter or something. Maybe i'll try to enlist so i can go shoot some terrorist or some shit. I want to be remembered for something before i go. My life is pointless and i am worthless and not needed in this plane of existence.

I don't see what the point is to this anymore. I go through everyday squandering my time, doing bullshit. I don't do anything else though. I just sit here in front of my computer. I can do so much to make my self improve, and things I need to do. I just want to rot away in this room hating myself it seems. I tell my self how I know my future will play out: end up being nothing, that there are always better people out there than me at everything. What am I even worth? I'm too scared to die. I just want to cease to exist. I feel good sometimes, and those tiny moments I can have, I just have it crumbling down to an even worse state. My mother has already given up on me. All I see is this fucking chubby piece of shit who can't do anything correctly, and can't seem to ever get motivated. I just fucking sit there, knowing what I have to do, what I can do. I just fucking sit there, self deprecating on myself, or sit and stare at this fucking screen all of my waking goddamn hours. I keep hiding away from responsibility in my room, wasting my fucking life away. Feeling overwhelming sadness that grips my throat and wishing I could let it out while rage that has me wish to break something battle as I just lay in bed staring at the ceiling, almost immobilizied by emotions that shouldn't even exist considering my empty being. And yet, still I do nothing. I'm still here staring at this screen. Hating myself, wanting to do something so badly, but the motivation never seems to come around. So nothing happens. I'm waiting for my self to rot away at this point.

>>17279652
Turn off your Alienware, finish that can of Mountain Dew, and wipe the Cheetos crumbs out of your neckbeard.

Then go outside for a walk.

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>>17279652
You have too much time to think about bullshit nonsense.

Get a job or go to gym, get your body moving and it will help you get off that slump.

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>>17279654

My situation is so complicated... i'm living with a friend that wants more but I want to go out and date.. i'm not ready for a relationship yet. he gets handsier in front of other people and.. i push him away but.. i dont know what to do

Me and my best friend are both borderline suicidal, and talk about it a lot.
Right now I'm wanting to just blow my brains out, but I don't want to vent it out to him anymore. I don't want him to have to constantly be on my side. I feel like it's getting tedious for him.
I've never done drugs before, but I bought a few pills to see if getting high will curb my thoughts. Should I just kill myself? Should I stop bothering people with my issues? Does it matter and do you guys even care?

>>17279780
I sort of was dating (for a day) a girl who didn't want a relationship, and did some things that wrecked me. Do you actually want to be with the guy, or do you want to whore yourself out for fun for a while?
If you like the dude, just date him. If not, don't toy with him.

If I stay on 4chan any longer I won't get shit done today.

Hurry up and take my credit already.

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I'm 24.
I'm comfortable working 6-days a week at a dead-end job. Saving up a thousand dollars every two months, so my future doesn't feel hopeless either.
I love video games, I don't want any other hobbies, and I've got a big-ass backlog as it is.
I've been introverted all my life and never liked the clubs/bars scene.
I don't have any close real life friends. I've never met more intelligent people in-person than the 6 very good friends I have and talk to on Steam every day.

Still, once every week or two, I realize how lonely I am. How hopeless it feels to find romance, how impossible it seems to meet anyone intelligent. It would take months, if not years of work to even make myself presentable. If I wanted to attract the right girl, I'd have to start working out and eating healthier for months on end without fail. I'd probably have to invest in LASIK or get annoying contact lenses to get rid of my dumb looking glasses. I'd have to spend hours upon hours on the god-awful and boring activity that is social networking, having to put up with dozens of people who I don't give a fuck about, in hope that they'd introduce me to somebody who isn't a total fucking mind midget like most people are. I'd have to put years of work into getting myself a proper job that gives me financial security: another thing that a mature relationship demands.

Is solitude the price to my freedom? I just want to sit here and be happy. But I'd like to be happy with someone else. But these seem like they're mutually exclusive.

I'm so content with life right now, except every now and then I'm reminded that I'll probably die alone. It fucking sucks ass.

>>17279663
Thanks, man. That's something I needed to hear.
>>17279654
Hahaha, oh man. That sure did give me a smile. I'll make sure to do that. Though, I'd never touch Mountain Dew or Cheetos in my life, haha.

>>17279797
I would date him in the future... and ive told him im not ready and wont be for a long time.. like years. I just want to not be in a relationship and still look but not touch. ive been in a couple 2 year long relationships that were pretty bad.

>>17277566
I'm tired of struggling.

I don't like people, I don't like other humans, I want to be alone. I just want to be at home, relax ALONE, maybe shitpost or play a few games and I don't want to see another human for a week. Can everyone just fuck off? Clingy fucking assholes.
Sometimes I wish a nuclear war would break out so I can kill a few fuckers, barricade myself and be alone until I die.

>>17279878
Then create success.

>>17279881
Tired of struggling for just a little bi tof success here and there

Ever since he died i see no point in living. All i feel is angry and this soul crushing depression like im worthless and without purpose. I dont want to live anymore. But my family... They're all looking at me like im supposed to be strong and keep going. I dont know if thats possible and if it is i have no fucking clue how. This is the worst pain ive ever felt in my entire life. I wish i could just give up my sobriety and overdose so i could be with him again. Its not fucking fair. I want my fucking brother back. If i cant have him in this life ill be with him in the next i hope i die soon.

I have extreme anger issues, on the dumbest stuff, to the point where I feel like I need to take medication
I'm not trying to be edgy, the grudges I hold against others have hurt relationships I have with others and my work ethic, I've been like this forever, even as a kid
I've scheduled a Psychology appointment tommorow
Does anyone else know anything that could help?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zg-1esaQkLU

Well it's time to wake up,
And separate feelings
That I keep falling into.
Each seem like good reasons,
I'm gonna break down,
I don't care if it shows up,
I'm praying this for you,
'Til it's answered I'll say.

Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?
Am I alone in here?

>>17279881
If only we could all create success in the ways we wish

>>17278635
she didnt call back, did she?

she is playing games with you, told you. youre free bro, if she wanted you she would have called.

Fuck you step-dad. Here's a list of all the recent fucked up shit me and my family has to deal with:

Mom got him a $250 christmas gift and he throws it down on the ground breaking it, yelling "Stop trying to change me." Makes her cry..

I forget to clean the bathroom one week and he calls me to tell me that Mom has to clean the bathroom and I hope you feel like shit (this was on x-mas eve)

Harps on me to get a job when he's been unemployed for almost a year.

He made a high dollar steak for my Mom on valentine's day. Mom says she likes it and gives me a piece to taste (she does this all the time) and he gets mad, takes all our food and throws it in the trash.

Told me I was going to be sent to a "retard" group home since I'm a "lazy piece of shit" and, me being myself, believed it.

Says he's a non-judgemental good Christian man, but is constantly worried about what people think of him.

Fuck you for always trying to spin every argument into to making others feel crappy about what "they did to you."

>>17279887
\/
>>17279879
I started pushing people away and got to the point where I just want to be alone. Every single person makes me mad. Tried meds, didn't help in the long run, found myself abusing them so I tossed that shit.

>>17279898
Fuck him up

>>17279898
Kill him, poison him with cyanide. Don't let no fucker disrespect your mother, anon

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Unemployed, bored and aboslutely unexcited about the summer ahead of me. I've been trying to find work but to no avail, and it sucks thinking about how I'm gonna spend my summer doing nothing. I have people I can reach out to that I could hang out with but I hate texting them because I get worried that they won't respond and then I'll feel too awkward to text them again if they never text back. I wish I could just not be bored. I hate boredom so much.

>>17279790
I care, man. Want to expound on your issues?

Why do you treat me like I exist when you want something?

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I might sound like a young insufferable faggot whose over reacting and brought this on myself. Which I'll admit to all of that. I'm leaving for a summer program for a military college with in two weeks,at the end of July I'll have two weeks back at home before I leave again to go back to such college and cut communication with the outside world for the first semester. We are not allowed to have any communication with people outside the college unless it's a emergency or through snail mail.

Now recently I been talking with a friend of mine at one of my martial arts place for four years, knew her since we were in middle school and now she's heading off to college too. For the past month we been talking to each other casually and she later asked me to go to her HS graduation in the middle of a parking lot. I went found out she was valedictorian of her class. Found her with her family after graduation and she pretty much adored that I came. She ran up to me in three inch heels and hugged me for a solid 2 minute in front of her entire family.

Now why I'm afraid is because during graduation I talked to her like I was going to see her again, except I'm starting to fear I'm not. I don't have her number, didn't bother to ask for it at graduation or even asked her if she's still going to go to martial arts in the remaining month.

I mean I can always just say to hell with it and move on with life. We're both going to live different lives in the next month, she's going to a top 50 school to be treated like a queen and my ass is literally going to be called a rat at school. I just don't want to let go just yet while I'm still here and leave this stone unturned

The only people I'm certain that can help me with contact with her is my head martial arts instructor who has essentially treated me like his own child for 7 years and one of my friends however he's gone MIA. Do I let it go now hoping she understands/avoid seeming obsessive or do I ask anyone I can?

I've never really cared about much in my life, least of all my education. I've never studied for anything ever or tried too hard to make my teachers like me. Except you. I tried so hard to make things work but you always dismissed me.

Now I know I've always been in your peripheral vision. People kept telling me but I didn't want to believe them but now it seems obvious.

Listen up, I've got SOME fucking self respect although it might not be much and I'm not gonna let you step all over me like I'm fucking nothing. I tried to make it obvious that I was really trying my best for us to be friends but I guess you just don't give a shit about that. We're fucking done. Fuck off and never talk to me again.

>>17279860
He wants to make you happy. Let him. You only have on average 78.7 years in your life. Don't waste them, or have him waste his. I don't know either of you in the deal, but try to talk to him about it, seriously. I wish I woulda talked to my ex about it.

>>17279981
have you tried facebook

>>17279928
I appreciate it. It's really just the straw that broke the camels back, to be honest. Nothing ever really goes great for me, but I like challenges, so I try to keep moving, but I can't anymore.
I'm only 19, and get a lot of shit about not knowing anything due to my age, but I've been depressed for 19 years. I was finally really happy when I met some
Girl, only girl I ever gave a thought to. Dated her, but never really made a move. I wanted to take her ice skating and then make a move, so it's be memorable, but the night I wanted to, my bro hit her up. Best friend actually. Got nudes from her a week later. It's weird being betrayed by two people you care about. It was so easy for him. I was there with him when it all happened. It ruined my confidence. Took me a month of trying almost daily to score another date with her. Her phone rang and it was another dude I know that I hated, so I asked why I should trust her. She didn't like that, and I kept her out later than her stepdad wanted. I went to apologize to him, and mid sentence he sucker punched me and broke my nose. I walked to my car and left. I miss her so much, but I know she doesn't care. She told a friend of mine that it's not like she didn't like me, but she didn't want a relationship. I tried asking her how everything was going, but she blocked me.
Normally when things go bad, I just shrug and hit the gym, but this one is just the last straw. Nothing has ever gone particularly fantastic, like my parents don't care about me, my friends have either moved, or fucked me over. All of my friends that I've been close to have moved away for various reasons, and now I only have one friend, and I'm sure he's tired of listening to it all. I don't want to burden him anymore. I don't
Want my ex to be unhappy. I think everything would be better without me.

>>17279981
If this girl is special and you let this chance go, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. What you do isn't important as long as you give it your best shot.

if i drink enough tonight, i may finally have th courage

>>17280018
Wow, that's a shitty situation. I can't really say much about finding a new girlfriend but it sounds like you're better off leaving your old one away. As for friends moving away, I get that too. I've lived in the same neighborhood for all my life and every single friend I had is gone now. The only people left are annoying upper-middle-class bourgeoisie-types with lake houses across the street, and it all sucks. Any hobbies you have an interest in? Career outlook?

>>17280042
Mix it with a sugary beverage.
Livestream it.

>>17280059
why a sugary beverage?

>>17277566
I am beginning to strongly suspect that I have aspergers (every online test I've taken suggests I have it). It really explains my entire life (I'm 23). I'm not sure how I feel about it. I know I shouldn't use it as excuse to be a social retard, but it makes not feel like such a loser about my past social blunders.

>>17280077
Something like Red Bull or Monster. Trust me, goes down faster and easier, also you get hammered very fast.

>>17280081
Should mention that I also know for a fact that I have social anxiety. No suspicion there. And thats a bigger obstacle to happiness for me than my self-suspected aspergers I feel like

I'm feeling really tired, guys.
I'm a high schooler, and my life hasn't been long, but it feels like I'm carrying weights that get heavier every day.
I get these "cringe-flashbacks" of really shitty stuff I've done, and even though I know nobody gives a fuck anymore about it, it stings.
How do I get over this?

>>17280047
I do anything and everything.
I draw, read, lift, bowl, go to the movies, hike, I made her a pretty big heart
made out of a 2x4, and enjoy whittling.
I work 3 days a week making 17.40. I got the job so she wouldn't have to work.
I've been on a few dates since, but I couldn't give the girls a fair chance due to not being over my ex.
I thought about picking up drugs, or maybe writing.

>>17280098
I've done bad things in my past. All I can say is push yourself into being a better person. A good friend once said,"nobody cares who you were, they all live in the present." Make your present you the best man you can ever be! Overshadow your cringe with moment of being awesome!

Had been happy for the past year and a half of my life because I had experienced it with my first love. My first love who I gave eveything to. My heart. My entire being and I made myself as vulnerable as anyone can ever be to another human being. I had everything every first love had. We thought we were different. We wanted to travel. We wanted to go to the same college. We wanted to live together in our first apartment amd move into our first house together. We had our lived mapped out for every possible possibility except for when she got hit by a car minutes after I left her at school and went home. I felt guilty because I was completely able to give her a ride home. She was in the hospital for a month and in a wheelchair for another 3. Because of this she went to her prom in crutches and I wasn't there to save her, or prevent any of that. Because of this we thought our love could survive anything. I didn't want to leave because of the guilt. Guilt of her not wanting to wear shorts in public because she was ashamed of the scars. I didn' only stay for the guilt. I stayed because I cared. We saw the incompatibility shine through early. We kept on until things simply didn't work. We broke up once and it lasted a few hours. Now it's permanent and I can't eat and I can't sleep for the life of me because I know now that I can't have her. I can't have her simply because she didn't love me anymore. After she didn't feel like she could love me anymore. She wanted to break it off because it wasn't fair to me to love somebody who didn't love me back. I feel horrible guilt for not giving her a reason to love me anymore. Because it broke her heart to simply think of that. I still loved her and wanted to make everything work out amd fulfill her's and my dreams. I feel great guilt for not making it work.

>>17280111
Hey man, how long has it been?
Tomorrow holds better days, and one day, maybe she'll text you,"I miss you"
Even if you're sad or something, don't give up. You never know what could change.

>>17280119
It just happened 2 days ago anon. Thanks. I mean I wish she would come back to me but I don't want to close myself off. But I also don't want to go back to searching for someone to care about me because I'm not fond of the girls I have access to. I just wish eveything had turned out differently.

>>17280125
Just do what you can for 3 weeks, and then hit her up.
I don't agree with no contact, but supposedly it helps both parties. No one wants someone who's sad, and she probably needs a little bit of time.
If she loved you once, she can love you again, just be patient bro. It's all you can do.

>>17280143
We still planned on keeping in contact since it wasn't an emotionally violent break up. We both wanted to stay friendly and leave it open if we ever both wanted to come back to one another when we're more emotionally matured and are able to be equal with each other in terms of loving one another. I just hope it happens...

Where's your heart?

>>17280165
Have fun. Show her how much fun you are. Be active! do things without her! Everyone wants a person they can just escape with. All their problems can just go away. Go kayaking and stuff. It'll make her want you again. You'll be fun, and hopefully, when she hangs out with you next, she won't even think of the bad things.

>>17280171
That's what I was thinking of. But a point of shame I have for myself is being poor. Whenever I had money I would take her places. I don't have a lot of money to be doing fun things. But that was what I was thinking. I'm glad someone thinks this is a good idea too.

my class of 5th graders went to the pool for a field trip at the end of the school year and while i was sitting on the steps one of my students came up and she sat on my lap
I tried so hard to control myself but i ended up getting hard while she was sitting on it
she felt it, wiggled around a little then got up
she smiled at me and said she would be back

time passes by and i go to the front of the pool entrance to check on all of our stuff
same student that sat on my lap is out there getting something from her backpack
she runs up to me and tells me she felt my "thing" and it was hard.
i tell her that it was an accident and ask her to not tell anyone
she says it felt nice and she wants to feel it again then walks off
the rest of the time in the pool every time she got near me she would either try to rub her ass on my dick, try to hug me really tight, or just straight out grab my dick underwater

i didn't try to stop her at all
it felt great

>>17280180
shes probably being raped at home.

>feedinh u

E,

I am sorry; I am not strong enough to continue this. I have experienced more pain than most, but this is different, it is, simply, too much.

I hope that I am wrong, but I was never one for denial. As such, for your sake, I hope I was wrong about how you feel, and what I thought you would, inevitably, regret.

If I was not wrong... Call. I cannot say when that possibility will end, as I am working through this finality, but it will not be long.

>>17279895
No, she did not.

That thought, that she was simply playing with me, and wanted to hurt me, has been in the back of my mind. I did not want to believe it, much less face it, but it seems that I have to come to terms with this.

I cannot do this any longer, regardless.

>>17280203
hey lets kill ourselves together.

>>17277566
Im gay and I haven't told anyone. I'm very confused and I honestly don't know how to go about it.

>>17280217
just b gay

>>17280203
>>17280211
k whatever

>>17280013
She doesn't have facebook and nor do I, if we did this would have been resolved

>>17280019
Honestly all I need to hear anon, I'll continue to find her and make amends. I don't need to have anymore regrets when I'm about to go into one of the biggest challenges of my life.

fuck you all.

anchovies are great,

What the fuck.

I haven't felt this kind of urge to just cut myself like that since I was about 13. \

whoa weird. kek

I wish I didn't have deep feelings for you.
I wouldn't get hurt.

I hope things work out for me. I keep doing this to myself and I just want everything to work out just once with someone.
I really wanted it with you. I really, really did.
Fuck, I want you.

I have mistaken you for someone who cares.

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I love my husband... but lately we have been hanging out with his friends alot and I've developed feelings for one of them. I don't think he has the same feelings for me and we have never been alone together. I just hate how my brain thinks of him and not my hubby... my hubby is so great and loving, i feel like my thoughts for his friend make me cheat on him. @_@ fucking lust, i don't even like porn...

i mean, I could go for a walk and accidentally be struck by a car.

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Couldn't be bothered to type it all out on my phone. I've quit every single job I've had (8 in the past 3 years) without giving any notice or even calling. Most jobs I've held for less than a month. I'm so financially fucked. I wish I could find a nice first shift job at a bank or something that is relatively easy physically yet not mind numbing. I have no marketable skills and I always seem to find a way to duck everything up. I hate myself and want to die but I'm too afraid of death to kill myself. The only thing keeping me sane right now is my therapist.

>>17280277
Message her now and tell her the truth. Don't live with this regret man.. It's the worse feeling.

>>17279379
For what it's worth, I'd let you crash with me, anon.

>>17279481
People come here because they're freaks in general. All kinds of freaks.
Some are the bad kind, but almost all are interesting.
I'd probably have a lot of fun working with a whole bunch of chan users.
Might even make a 9-5 cubicle job somewhat tolerable.

>>17279590
>I want to die. But i know suocide isn't the right way. I want to "earn my death". I want to die soing something that actually matters.
>My life is pointless and i am worthless and not needed in this plane of existence.
You aren't worthless, anon. Half the great heroes we always read about were made this way. People who weren't afraid of death or failure, who were willing and able to give everything for their cause.
All you need to do is find a cause.

I really want a sociopathic bf but I'm asexual so it is never meant to be

>>17280351
I think you need to stay away from that person, get a dildo and calm down. Or simply get more from your husband.

>>17279826
>If I wanted to attract the right girl, I'd have to start working out and eating healthier for months on end without fail.
Don't do it for girls. Do you think they'd do it for you? Do it for yourself!
>I'd probably have to invest in LASIK or get annoying contact lenses to get rid of my dumb looking glasses.
Nah, just get better glasses. Or get LASIK, but again for your own satisfaction.
>spend hours upon hours on the god-awful and boring activity that is social networking, having to put up with dozens of people who I don't give a fuck about, in hope that they'd introduce me to somebody who isn't a total fucking mind midget like most people are.
Agreed here, fuck this. Small talk makes me want to blow my brains out.
>I'd have to put years of work into getting myself a proper job that gives me financial security
Why aren't you doing this anyway?
>I just want to sit here and be happy. But I'd like to be happy with someone else. But these seem like they're mutually exclusive.
There are introverted girls out there. Quite goddamn rare, but they exist.
With enough time and effort, maybe you'll find someone you click with. (on that note, maybe I will too.)

>>17279898
Why does your mother put up with that shit?
Especially if he's unemployed?

>>17279981
Try to keep contact with her! Don't pass up important opportunities.
And don't let friends become strangers.

>>17280018
Shitty people. She doesn't give a fuck about you. Probably never did.
Should have pressed charges on her stepfather too. People like that only learn the hard way.
They can get fucked, don't waste another second caring about them.

fuck you man youve flaked on me and you expect me to think "trust me dont worry" that its for sure well meet. no you brought up that same excuse you used the first time around. id be suprised if you fucking even showed up or didnt flake. i should really consider other people than snowflakes like you. dont act like i didnt see your accounts and saw you flirting with some other person. man cant wait to rat you out and catch you on your lies since SHE'LL be there too to drop on by and tell you fuck you too

>>17280503
Intitals anon?

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>>17280081
It's a pointless diagnosis, imho. What the hell can you do about it, after all? Not much.
I probably have some form of autism-spectrum disorder as well (multiple shrinks have suggested it) but i've never seen a reason to actually go get tested extensively. Neither have the shrinks, or they would have wanted to test me.

>>17280088
>tfw fucked-up neurochemistry
>tfw resistant to alcohol, weak stimulants, benzos, etc
>tfw can drink 10 shots and 6 red bulls and just get sleepy
It fucking sucks to be in the position where you actually need the drugs and shrinks try to give you valium, xanax, clonazepam, etc and they don't fucking work

>>17279982
how was i supposed to know, you never said anything like that to my face. you just kept quiet about it.

You lousy sack of shit, how dare you complain that you feel lonely when my mother is taking care of my grandma on her death bed. Fuck every single father figure in my life, you prove only what I have known in the back of my head for years. You will reap what you sow, I promise you this.

>>17280277
I can relate. If you still have a chance, don't hesitate. Else you'll end up like me. Wanting the impossible. Forced to accept that it's impossible. And forced to gradually get over it.

I really hate myself. Try not to end up hating yourself. This feeling is one of the worst I've ever known.

what a perfect storm of grief, right when I needed it the least
I think it will take me a few days at least to even begin to comprehend what was just pulled on me
it's too bad fuck is such an overused word, because
FUCK

>drank too much
>threw up a bunch in my sink.
>switched over to puking in my toilet.
>sink over flows while I'm puking in toleit.
>see water fall falling while puking my brains out
>What the fuck
>cleaned up with clorox and stuff
>eating salami and colby cheese.
>ayy

I've reached the level of loneliness where i've started unironically fetishizing hand-holding, cuddling and kissing.

i didnt know all that, im sorry

>>17280598
I thought I explained it well enough.

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>>17279826
You are me. Except I also "chose" it, subconsciously, and slip into fantasy all the free time. Putting an effort into relationships should be a thing you like to do, not are forced to. Why should you force it, if you are already content with your life? Don't force it, if you needn't to. It will only bring you a misfortune. Socialization have to be beneficial and easy-to-go thing.

However, I've got one friend out there, but never ever had any female friend, not saying about GF, so this is not true loneliness.

>>17280577
please dont talk like that i only did this so youd talk back i didnt know the full situation. i shouldve been a better friend to you i realize that now. i dont force myself i want to be there for my friends

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>>17280607
Fellow schizoid. Kind of funny how i've never met another IRL, but we easily run into each other here.

Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Please kill me, send me to Hell and force me to atone for desiring death if you need to. Just remove me from this reality.

>>17280598
Just go be happy and smile. This is my fault, my mistake. My hesitation. My blunder. My sadness, not yours. Take care

I don't want to feel this way about a person who is married. I know I'm a piece of shit but god damn it you don't have to encourage me. We shouldn't be fooling around. We shouldn't be doing this. I feel guilty but I don't want to stop. I know you don't either. Why did it turn out like this.

I'll see you someday. And I'll actually be ready, even better than you thought I was.

I don't know what to do with my life. I'm too unconfident to start anything special with that person. I had a chance and I let it go to waste. Nice. Too bad It's late to change that

>>17280449
it doesn't work like that, we're all designed to want variety, especially goes for those of us that marry the first and only person that'll take us. it's sad but it happens. it just takes a bit of self-discipline and finding other areas in your life to give you a sense of satisfaction.

i used to have a crush on one of my husband's friends but i got over it. once the reality kicks in that mundanity lies in the shadow of every new experience you tend to favor stability over novelty.

also helps that he was like totally gay

My car was made in 2006. It's 2016 now. This makes my car a decade old. But I've had it for only seven months, and when I got it, it had like extremely low mileage. Like less than 50k miles on it. When I got my car first maintenanced, they said my car was young, referring to the mileage I think.

How can a car be a decade old but not have a shitton of miles on it?

>>17277566
I really wanna die
I hate everything that I am

>>17280420
>I'd probably have a lot of fun working with a whole bunch of chan users.
Like you said, a lot of different types of freaks come here. Some are the good kind... I wish I worked with the good kind. Instead I get a sociopathic douche that everyone, not just me, can't stand.

Kinda cross post from /mu/.

>had to go to college to pick up some stuff
>meet teacher I have a crush on. (shes 29, im 23) she already has a boyfriend
>just passed my finals and I told her im doing a masters degree after this, so 2 more years
>shes excitied that im here for 2 more years
>we have a small talk and after that we both leave

It's a sort of empty, hollow feeling. I know it's childish but she's so friendly and pretty. I still see her on a regular basis and I cant get her out of my head

What do I need to do /adv/? I need to let her go, right?

What happened to reading, man? I really enjoyed it as a kid. Now it just passes right through me.

I'm a 26 years old hopeful game dev/illustrator with little to no money who is in love with an 18 years old heiress who knows four languages, fit as fuck, is a geeky qt who have long, flowing, wavy hair.

Fuck. We're just acquaintances though. What do. She haven't replied to me in 2 weeks now....

I guess I'll just let it go and keep my mouth shut. I'm just a bit sad because I thought that it was fun being with her and just hang out.

Ugh. I hate this. This is the first time I fell for someone this young.

I've broken down 8 times today. Just constant crying. I bought something on the recommendation of someone else. I need to order two different things from Amazon before I can use it. It took a lot of looking around to find one that'd work, too.

I hate myself so much. I cannot stand myself. It just gets worse and worse. Today really pushed me over the edge. My heart aches, I can't look in the mirror without blaming myself. I can't stand any of this. I can't blame anyone else. I just hate reality. I want to be able to have what I want, but I never ever will. I want my hopeful vision of the future to be possible, but it never ever will be. I only have myself to blame. No one will ever know just how much today hurt

>>17281860
I know how days like those go, and am sharing in the misery, myself.

I am waiting for something, today, that I know will not happen. Still, there is a chance, no matter how slight.

Hope is poison. It will be a relief to cast it aside, and soon.

>>17282198
If I had some hope, I might be slightly less unstable right now. It's because there's absolutely no hope that I'm like I am. I can't handle this. Being forced to get over it only because of my own stupidity is the same as having to accept a fate I brought onto myself while never wanting it.

I want something I'll never have because of myself. If I could pray to God right now, what would I ask? For him to make it possible? For him to grant me what I want? Isn't that selfish? I'm being denied what I want only because I'm an idiot. I want to be able to have my wish come true.

Why is it so rare to stop enjoying everything without having extreme depression? I'm just overwhelmingly bored all the time, but I don't feel suicidal or even that bad. The fact that I seem to be just alone here makes it so much worse.

>>17282374
It's so awful to have this problem. Your youth is defined by whatever art you take in, and especially if you have no friends and unlimited internet access like I do. Without this, what do I even have to spend my time with?

I kind of anticipated outgrowing video games in some sense, but film and literature? I just get so bored whenever I try either. It's like that part of my brain which registers them into pleasure is damaged. Music still kind of works because that's unavoidable. Still, with music it's just a very short high and then it's over. Like when seeing a funny picture, it's so short and uncommon that it doesn't even matter. Every thing I do feels like an effort to waste time just for wasting time, as if there is something good that'll same me from this endless disinterest in all things.

I feel really bad about not learning my parents' native language (farsi) to a better level. Some of their somewhat older relatives have begun passing away here and there, and I feel haunted by how much closer I could have been to them had I put in a little more effort in preserving my fluency when I was younger.

What's even worse is that this isn't a particularly popular language to self-study, so most of the material out there doesn't teach stuff I don't already know. Gotta do it the hard way.

H

I don't know what we're doing.

J

>>17281522
Does anyone have some advice for me? This feeling is killing me

Why? It's like I'm being taunted by them while having to suffer the reality I can't be with him. Surely the reality was enough. Surely that was enough. Who does that? I can't even blame them, they're just showing how much they love each other, but it's fucking hurting me so much. I hate myself. I hate everything I am.

I can't stop hating myself for not trying hard enough. I can feel myself festering in this room. I feel so scared about hanging out with old friends and the video games and the nightly masturbation is not helping.
I don't have any silly anecdotes or stories to tell people because I keep being so reclusive.
I just want to redo my whole life.

My girlfriend (of several months) was having a shitty week last week, she's I'll this week and I don't have the faintest idea of how to comfort her.

Last week work stress had her down, but I couldn't think of anything to say that wasn't dad advice or brushing off her worries. It's not a LDR, but we live in different cities and only meet a few times a week and I just don't know how to cheer her up when she's feeling down.

>>17282564
I'm being an animal~ ANIMAL!~
Oh yes, an animal~ ANIMAL!~

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I'm finally coming to terms with how unrealistically I approached things in thinking I could sustain a long-term relationship with you. I wasn't emotionally mature enough for that. It wasn't your responsibility to give me guarantees of the future because I was too scared to set goals and work towards completing them like an adult.

I'm sorry for all of the venomous, cruel things I said to you. You truly loved me, and you tried. I wasn't ready. You were right to want to deal with things on a day to day basis. I was a difficult person to love.

Would rather come to terms with that and hold myself accountable for the way I was than be in a relationship that made you unhappy and not be aware of just how much pressure I put on you.

Glad you got a start in your career by helping people. Whenever you laid your head on shoulder that one night in that little one room apartment, it felt like being kissed by the sun. Can't even imagine the good you can do for other people when you really put yourself to it. You never had to try, though. The love and good you bring into peoples' lives is just a part of who you are.

As much as it hurts, being able to appreciate that now instead of being together and never knowing means more than I know how to say.

Thanks for being a part of my life, and letting me be a part of yours.

Well, here’s your box. Nearly everything I have is in it, and it is not full. Pain and excitement are in it, and feeling good or bad and evil thoughts and good thoughts- the pleasure of design and some despair and the indescribable joy of creation.
And on top of these are all the gratitude and love I have for you.
And still the box is not full.

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>when you get that moment between you and the qt guy you've been crushing on for three months that could be like that perfect kiss moment but you're both too beta and awkward to initiate it so you end up just hugging and being even more awkward

Why

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I've been posting on 4chan since 2005-2006. I've been going on /pol/ since there was /pol/. Holy shit, you /pol/ faggots are retards

Last month, I had been in a relationship with my best friend and the girl of my dreams. When we were together, everything was beautiful and nothing else mattered.

She ended it because her father wasn't happy about it and he's kind of a douche. I reluctantly accepted and we remained friends.

Soon after she got a new boyfriend. About a week ago we sat down and caught up with each other. She was telling me about how her father found out about her new one but that she didn't care.

I said nothing but on the inside I was fuming. So you break up with me because of your father, but now the same thing happens, but you stay with him?
So now I knew that what she had told me about why she wanted to break up with me was false. I'm so confused because a few days after we broke up she said that she still loved me and one day we'd be together again. I just don't know anymore.

I wish keeping you within my grasp didn't mean rooting for you to fail in life.

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I think the depression is starting to lift for the first time in almost five years.

>>17283006
This chick sounds like she's stringing you along.

>a few days after we broke up she said that she still loved me and one day we'd be together again

She could possibly be manipulating you by playing with your feelings so that she's got someone to fall back on when things don't work out. She even came up with an excuse as to why you guys couldn't be together, you know it was bullshit.

I personally wouldn't stick around, being someone's emotional fucktoy is NOT fun. Situations like these are hard to swallow, but unless you want her to use you and keep hurting you on down the line, the best thing you can probably do is move on.

Just moved to a new city across the country. Love it out here and the hiking and outdoor opportunities are off the charts, I'm just really worried I might have issues meeting people, especially women. I've been out of the game for a while and just do not seem to have any luck lately. I'm hoping once I start a new job I'll be able to meet some new people and hopefully some women.

Really miss having a girlfriend and someone to spend my time with and fall in love with. Just kinda lonely, but it's only been a week here so hopefully things look up a bit in the next month or 2.

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I spent 3 days at a co-workers place last weekend. I asked her out Friday night as per what /adv/ told me, and it worked.

We made out, cuddled, and spent the entire time together. It feels like she's into me as much as I am her. We're going to see Warcraft on Friday and then get some ramen as per her Friday evening tradition.

The way she doesn't try to gussy up and act ladylike to impress me. The fact that she comes from the same kind of setting and situation I do. Hell, she even recommended me a bunch of good manga to read.

She's perfect. I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with her.

>>17278878
I hope you don't make the same mistake again either.

>>17283056
Nope.

It's just taking a breather before coming back to fuck you in the ass.

t. depressive for almost 20 years

>>17282793
You can do it. Just calm down and try. Friends are really helpful in making you feel grounded and accepted.

>>17282793
You can do it. Just get out and try something new. Friends shouldn't judge you for not having stories just try.

>>17283241
Must be nice however it can be bad to date a coworker if something goes wrong

Sorry if off topic

I need to finish one fucking last work for school, but I'm tired.

I have 1 Red Bull. Is that enough to not sleep all night? Can anyone give an advice?

96 hours since my last drink.

I'm having a rough night and can't stop thinking about her.

96 hours and counting.

>>17283589
Anxiety and willpower will drive you farther than red bull (especially if you only have 1). But don't let them go too far.

t. narcoleptic

Working on getting the courage to kill myself. I'm a loser with no job, just dropped out of college because I couldn't comprehend it. I got no car or a driver's license. No woman will ever want me since I'm an ugly fuck.

I'll livestream it if y'all want me to.

I feel like I'm not suppose to be alive.

>>17283927
Fuck her, dude.

If she was worth a damn you'd be with her.

>>17280488
I have a hard time seeing bad in people. I think everyone altruistic, which I guess is naive. I don't want to be burdensome on the girl, so I didn't press charges or anything, largely because I thought I was in the wrong anyways.

>>17283927
I went through an LTR ending in rehab. It was a Hell I would not wish on someone I hate, but it, slowly, becomes easier; I will not lie to you, and tell you that it will be better.

The drugs, alcohol, or whatever, become a crutch, a coping mechanism; a way to escape. You cannot begin to heal what you will not face.

Work through it as you can.

I want to punch my coworker right in his smug little bitch-ass face. Cock sucker calls me lazy while he watches youtube vids and browses imgur all day. Fuck that douche

I wonder if the people around me can feel how much I want to kill myself.

It was weird how I couldn't stop crying the other day. Random bursting into tears. That was annoying.

Sometimes I talk to myself at night. It's mostly harsh criticism. I can't bring myself to think anything about myself that isn't negative.

Someone please tell me not to do the dumb thing tonight, just tell me this feeling will pass because I can't believe the words when I say them to myself.

These threads are shit

>>17284088
Have your own discipline.

>>17284047
Fuck him up in the break room when nobody is around.

I'm starved for affection.

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>be me 18 and just in college
>meet friends
>meet 10/10 would fap to hot girl of group
>we talk, shes nice, way outta my league
>I ask out anyways, get shot down
>oh well
>posts pics of her on /r/, request nudeshop
>shoopmaster delivers, feels good
>THREE YEARS LATER
>I get over it, stop faps, stop requests
>Sad. We really click, but she's 10/10
>Looking up, gotta be hope for anon
>Learns from her bff she's always hooking up
>Learns she's kinky AF
>Learns she's fucked in a VS dressing room
>Returns saucy panties to display
>I'm in fucking shock
>I always saw her as nice girl, otaku jpn girl
>She has like 4 dildos
>I get rock hard everytime I think of her
>Gotta request more nude shops
>Don't wanna request, never gonna hapn
>I'll never be with her
>Gotta request more nude shops
>Doesn't want to, wanna get better
>Wat do, /adv/.

Maybe I don't need advice.
Maybe I just wanted to get this off my chest, no one I can talk to about this in person with.
I definitely know a lurker on 4chan like me won't a happy ending with her. She moved back to Japan anyways.
Also posted in /r/ because why the fuck not.

I don't think life is for me. I already have a history of major depression/suicidal tendencies and see no reason to live. I've been to therapy for years, been on medications for longer. Weird thing is I don't want to kill myself because of life being pointless or feeling inferior anymore. I want to because it seems the best solution for me.
I have no goals, no clue what to actually do with my life, and hate many aspects of it. I hate the area I live in but I feel forced to. I do not make enough money to move out of my mom's place even though I want to. I could work 50 hours a week and be stingy with my money but the fact is the wages where I am, my lack of skills, and the price of rent/utilities is simply too high for me to survive on my own and have moderate enjoyment in my life.
I'm aware I am lazy. I am aware that life is not easy. It requires a lot of work and effort. I know I could most likely just get by doing menial jobs and scraping by. But I see no point if I have no passion and am unhappy no matter my situation.
I want to die not out of fear, sorrow, depression. I want to die as it seems like the easiest way to avoid a life of constant boredom and dislike for whatever situation I end up in.

>>17284177
Drug therapy doesn't work because once you get off it, your body has become reliant on the drugs to produce the chemical, and as such, has stopped.

I wouldn't kill yourself/myself because tomorrow may hold something interesting. That being said, if you've felt you've lived the length of your life, and it just isn't for you, then it may simply not be.
If you're on the fence at all, try going out, getting sun, taking multivitamins, and getting fit/exercise. Those all boost testosterone and serotonin+dopamine, so you'll naturally be happier.

>>17277664
You're gay

I'm totally fucking smitten with someone out of my league. It's making me horny all the time too, and I don't know what the fuck to do because she's already seeing someone else, even though she flirts with me all the time and goes out of her way to contact me first and hang out with me. I've thought about seeing someone else to try to help what is slowly but surely becoming oneitis, but I'd feel like an asshole for seeing another person when my head's stuck around someone else. It's so distracting, though. I feel like I'm going insane.

I'm grieving.

My parents are vicious, toxic alcoholics. I am trying to distance myself. Every time I try to reach out the them to have a conversation, or check up on how they are doing, I am reminded of how bitter and angry they are all the time.

Fuckin 'A.

As much hell as my parents have put me through, they are still my parents, you know? I hate watching their self-destruction spiral. They seem to be taking a lot of people with them.

I've been trying to fix this relationship for two decades now. They are getting older, and more bitter, and more dysfunctional. It hurts to know that at this point, there is little to no possibility of it getting better.

The dad I spent summers with as a kid, who was sober enough to go fishing with me, to sing songs he wrote and tell me how much he loved hiking underneath the stars - that man is gone for ever.

It hurts.

>>17284232
Ask him what happened to that man.

Everything is breaking.

>>17284261
Is there anyway to put it back the way it was?

C,

No matter how much my brain tells me that you have no attraction to me - in fact you probably find me repulsive in that sense - I can't help but hold onto some shred of hope that you're secretly as in love with me as I am with you.

It doesn't help that you keep sending me half-naked pictures of you without warning. Wouldn't your boyfriend be upset about that?

Congrats on the new job, even though I recognize that the pay is enough to get you to move in with him, and probably end up getting married in the next couple years like you've been taking about.

Always thinking of you,

S

>>17284230
I hate saying it but some women just like to string guys along. They just like the attention or to have a guy on standby to make there boyfriend jealous. If you think you can be friends with her without being attached, then go for it. But if you cant then youre only torturing yourself.

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It's four in the morning and I'm sitting here in bed, listening to some old adult swim bumps and crying my eyes out. Where did the time go? I always thought I'd do more or be more and in the end I'm just a self-destructive failure who's only ever been a disappointment. I don't have the strength or will to do anything about it so I'll just keep on trudging through this game of life until I burn myself out.

>>17284088
Don't do the dumb thing tonight. It'll pass pass man.

I feel like a piece of shit for kind of wishing we could just put my grandma in a home. Ever since she broke her arm her depression has gotten worse and she's pretty much just letting herself go. She doesn't want to do anything to get her strength back and is just miserable all the time. She's always been talking about wanting to die even before her injury but now that talk is even worse.

I love my grandma but how she is right now makes me feel stressed out and even more depressed like there's this huge cloud of hopelessness and misery in my own home. This used to be my "safe" place but I feel like death is just looming everywhere. Not to say that she's gonna die soon but with how her spirit is I wouldn't be surprised.

All I want to do is cry but nothing comes out. I feel hollow inside. It's been like this for 3 years now.

>>17284403
Fuck man, sorry for youre situation. I recently lost my mother. She was diagnosed with alzheimers 11 years ago and we were fortunate enough to keep her home for all but a month. It gets hard, and nobody wants to see the people theylove sick or hurt. If you dont have the support from friends and family then its understandable to put her in a home, but if you do you should bear down and get through it. If you put her in a home, you'll always regret it. Some of those places are misery factories and her lifespan will almost certainly decline.

Dude this shit is brutal, and its gonna suck. I know the only reason my mom lived 11 years with alzheimers is because she was always around people that loved her. Thats the catch. If they go in a home they die faster and youre left with the guilt. Sometimes we have to ignore our emotions to get through this kind of heartache. Best of luck

>>17279826
>I love video games, I don't want any other hobbies
I'm not going to be rude about it at all, but I honestly find this incredibly depressing and sad. There're so much more to the world than video games and virtual realities. I don't think isolating yourself like that is healthy at all either. Sorry mate, that's just how I feel.

My last girlfriend left me for her guy best friend during a messy divorce between my parents.

I miss her...

I dont know what to do with my life, i make a good ammount of money but its pretty pointless considering the only thing i honestly want in my life its somwant with who share it or live it.
I dont have friends, pretty much social interaction its hard for me, because always imagine the worst of everyboddy i meet or turn out to be awfull people.
Dont feel like ever gona excell in my carreer, and even dont see the point, all i want its be with somwant.
Suicide somethimes seems like a good choice, and really have noboddy with who talk about this thing.

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>>17283561
We're in the Navy, so it's not really uncommon.

Why is nothing ever good enough for you? Everything is going so well, yet you focus on the slightest of problems and make up new ones out of nothing. Yeah, I'll still do my best for a while, but don't be surprised when I run out of strength eventually. You might not see it, or believe it, but it takes a lot of effort on my part. Effort that requires energy. Which is a finite resource.

I'm faced with the choice of pulling the plug or not for someone important to me in a coma. Even if she woke up the brain damage is done and she'll be barely alive. I'm pretty torn and would be interested in any advice from someone who's been there.

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Living with my grandmother is more difficult than I have expected.

My mom wants me to get along with her while we do the house search. But after grandma yelled at me for using a keurig coffee maker she wanted to get rid of, I'm damn irritated.

Outlander is an okay show. But having throaty lady singing at a high volume is too much.

>>17283473
I won't. That's a promise I made to myself. The aftermath is too painful, for so many people, for me to allow myself to make that mistake again. And I promise you that too.

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Don't want to create new thread. Moving out soon, going to live alone. Can't cook shit, parents were always screaming at me and insulting if I did something wrong. Are there any guides/books for beginners?

A friend who I'd been talking to about mental health admitted that she'd been dealing with a previous attempts at suicide.

Things have been getting worse.

Get a cryptic message from her at some weird hour in the morning saying "I'm going up, John." After not wanting to talk about something bad enough that she was having trouble talking to me.

Tried contacting her until she shut her phone off. Has a history of past suicide attempts, and had been sounding incredibly depressed and apathetic before hand.

I know her history, so I had the ambulance dispatched to her because I couldn't get into contact with any other people she knew, because she has a very, very limited amount of people in her social circles.

I'm scared shitless. And I'd much rather it be a false positive. But, I've been around people who talk like that, and some who have gone through with it after the fact.

I'm not taking any chances. I don't care if she hates me after the fact, I wasn't going to sit idly by on the off-chance that it meant something else. Because it might as well have been plain english.

This is such fucking horse shit.

I dont know how to fit in with my friends anymore. I actually feel so alone. Since turning 18 (22 now), i have felt this way.
I dont know how to talk to my friend group. I try and talk like they talk to each other but i feel that it is thinnly veiled and they think i am a fool.

So we fuck every 2/3 of days and you last 5 minutes. You tell me to fuck every day. So I fucking initiate sex every day, give you nice blowjobs and then ride you. I let you fuck my butt, I dress all sexy and roleplay, I let you do whatever you want.
Last night you fucking ask me why am I so hungry for cock, and then tell me that you can't really fuck me every day.
SERIOUSLY?
I will just wait for you to go to work and masturbate because you clearly are a moron.

I know that I could have a vaginal orgasm if my boyfriend could last more than a fucking minute. It sucks having to pretend I don't mind that he's basically a one-pump-chump. If I get mad he cries, if I get sad he cries, if I'm not anything but SUPER HAPPY OH DON'T WORRY IT'LL BE FINE :)))) he gets all down on himself about it. You know, what about ME? What about what I want, huh? Why doesn't he try and fix the fucking problem instead of just crying about it every time? I'm tired of this.

>>17283031
if i fail I'm moving far away.

God. I'm just so fucking angry at you and him. He is disgusting. He wants to fuck anything and anyone that even remotely sounds female. Did you know he told that guy "your voice makes me erect" just a month before you left me for him? He is disgusting. And so are you.

FUCKING COME ON. I swear man. every single thing has to be a massive pain in the ass because of someone else. every. fucking. thing. I should have made a couple hundred today but noooooooo some dipshit before me didn't do their job, so I have to do extra work that I don't get paid for and it sets my schedule back.

on the other project I've got going, someone literally did everything wrong. there isn't a right thing on that jobsite. now I've gotta bust ass working 10 hours every day I'm there.

on another project, I've got to deal with the city trying to screw my client so I've got a wary as shit client and I can't actually do any work until a bunch of hoops are jumped through, but I have to maintain open spaces in my schedule in case we get the go ahead because the whole fucking thing is weather dependent and the weather changes EVERY FUCKING 10 MINUTES THESE DAYS.

on my one big project, literally nothing is right. again. and, and, I've had to do the job of the fucking engineer that has missed two delivery dates on his work and forgot the whole fucking job, but the client looks at me like I don't know what I'm doing. just, fucking, I can't express..... FUCK PEOPLE. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY YOU INCOMPETENT FUCKS. FUCK.

the smallest fucking job becomes 5 times more effort the second I get into it, everything takes 5 times longer, and my schedule is completely fucked, because of the actions of other people. I started this to not have to deal with incompetent people having sway over my life BUT LO AND BEHOLD you just can't get away from the effects of stupid.

I'm just really pissed this month. once again, should have been an excellent month, but no cause dipshits.

>>17277647
If a woman does something like this and says it's because of God it's because she wants an excuse that will make you seem like a total dick if you say anything about it.

>>17284276
I don't think so..

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I'm 19, attractive, and all of that.
I can get with some of the girls I know, but I am caught up with a girl from across the country that has told me that she does not want a relationship. We were flirting, and she has told me she didn't want to date me because one of her best friends liked me, potentially.

Now, she's told me that she doesn't care who her friend dates. She told me she didn't want a relationship and she wants to stop flirting. Should I keep trying? I've been thinking about moving on but I don't want to hurt her if she has feelings at all.

I was told that I would be less impacted by people insulting me on the internet over time. It's not happening.

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I'm a loner. I basically have no friends to hang out with, the only people to talk to me are people i've met online. I've never had a gf, never had a true genuine pure friendship with someone.

My mental state worsens every day and my desire to die, though mostly burnt out, is beginning to rekindle again. I want to experience real love, I want to have true friendship, I want to be happy.

I'm an unconfident, shy, person who's a slave to his emotions. Everyone just ends up disappearing. I fear for the future and the goals and dreams I've always desired.

My husband's brother has put the moves on me a couple of times. We are sort of kindred spirits and I have a strong feeling of tenderness, love and affection for him. I take my marriage seriously and so I've done my best to think of him as a friend/brother and appreciate that we are family now and will always be in each others lives. I love my husband and would never betray him, but I can't stop thinking about his brother. I tell myself it is limmerance, infatuation, temptation, that the reality would be a disappointment for us and a devastation to the people in our lives. Logically I understand all of these things. But my heart is torn up yearning for him. I can't get him out of my head.

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I met a girl via tinder. I can't tell if she's out of my league or if I have self-image issues, but she obviously finds me very attractive. We established that we aren't intending in pursuing any sort of serious relationship. Met irl and confirmed we aren't serial killers.

She invited me to her place this weekend. Then she asked if I'm a virgin. I figured being honest was my best bet, so I said yes. She probably assumed as much from how I acted with her. It didn't seem to dull her excitement.

It's driving me crazy. I can't figure out what makes her so attracted to me to look past my flaws and inexperience. I'm perfectly content with not having a "why" when something shitty happens to me, but now that something good is happening, I can't stand it.

>>17286168
If she's few levels above you, you might be used for a jealousy game or she just want to spite her ex or something.

In your place I'd just take a chance to lose a v card and go with it, but no emotional attachment or expectations because you might land hard.

Another dream. These dreams are so happy, yet they torment me because I have to wake from them. Why did I let go of him? Why did I wait and watch as he moved on? The entire time I was watching, I wished for us to be together, yet never did I try when I had the chance.

I want "us" to be possible, not "them" and yet that's selfish of me. Even my dreams are crushing me, just as reality feels so incredibly heavy. I can't blame them, or anyone else. Just me. I just wish we were possible, that I had a chance to be with him. I want the guy I fell in love with to be with me. Not to be with someone else. I hate that I'm forced to move on. I hate that it's impossible. I hate that I have to get over it. I hate that the only reason it's impossible and I'm forced to move on is because I messed up and then hesitated for half a year.

It's his birthday tomorrow. I can't be the person he'll spend it with. He'll spend it with people close to him, and the person he's in love with. I wish I was that person, I hate being me. Just as much as I hate that I once used to say "I am just me" because now that is just painful to say. I hate who I am, I hate what I am, I hate being me.

i love bullying the shit out of people because most of the time they're too stupid to come up with anything but "u salty" and "gg"

I had a friend tell me semirecently that loving is a verb, an action rather than a feeling. And my very long term and very serious relationship, I felt alone in it because love wasn't shown from the other side...

After I ended it, you told me you always loved me. You told me you wished you'd done things differently and that nobody could ever love me the way you love me.

but you know what I think?

I think if you didn't show me when it counted then you really didn't love me at all. I showed it and asked for more and did nice things for you constantly because I cared. You said you did enough.

I've been thinking about what he said. If you don't show your love it may as well not be there at all. You say you loved me more than I could even fathom but if that was true, why didn't you fucking.. why were you barely even nice to me? Why was I left wondering if you even LIKED me some days? If you wanted to be with me?

I think if someone wonders that, they already know the answer. It shouldn't even be a question if there really was love there. Someone that loves someone doesn't do the things that you did, they just love the way the other person made them feel.

I'm glad you loved the way I made you feel. I did everything I could to make you love yourself as much as I loved you. But in the end I just kinda feel like you sucked me dry and gave too little in return.

Sorry.

>>17286407
you're a cunt. there's something new for you then.

>>17286635
ah it's a good lesson though.

>>17277566
No stronk, smart, curvy, dominant, nurturing gf.
I'm fucking weak, too.

I feel like the biggest way to fuck up your world view is to assume that you're fundamentally different from everyone else, and try to judge everything in life based off of your own ideas. Anyone else feel this is true?

I'm currently in limbo and feel like I am wasting away.

I have 2 months until Uni starts again, one month till my online class starts, my summer job is basically a sit and stay put type gig where I have shit ton of hours of nothing to do, I don't have the drive to play any video games, I don't have the drive to really do anything.

I SHOULD do exercises. I SHOULD work on my art. I SHOULD be figuring out my after uni financial situation. I SHOULD have a gf to take on dates. I SHOULD be looking for a career I want to get into. I SHOULD develop a skill set.

I SHOULD do these things.

But I don't.

I know what I need to do to help improve my happiness... run, life, play the accordion, piano, and guitar, play outside with my little brother and soccer with my sister, dance, go for walks, learn German, play chess, work, have monthly bonfires, hang out with friends, schedule a summer class to get back in the swing of things. Life is going well so far but I can see how a little more work and effort will help improve things drastically. What is stopping me and holding me back?

Fuck, they're not buying the house after all.

Caught my girl texting her fucking ex again last night even though she promised to not text him ever again.

For fucks sake can I catch a break.

>>17287075
Get out and do em m8. Get yourself in a rhythm. You'll feel much better.

>>17286635
You would be actually describing the difference between feeling love for someone versus doing something to make someone else feel loved or cared for.

Use your definition of love towards an individual that is dead. Are they gonna do something from beyond the grave to love you? Does that make you think less of them? Do you stop loving them as a result?

Maybe your person didn't see the love in the things you did, as in those things you did are not what made them feel loved by you. Maybe the things you were doing for them are the things you wanted them to be doing for you.

my mongolian step family is in town -- step mother and half brother. my "step-mother" (the 35 year old wife of my 65 year old father) is a raving, uncontrollable alcoholic. last night she came into my room and propositioned me for sex and wouldn't leave until i physically took her and removed her. my room has no locks so i had to sit in front of my door for an hour while she said shit like "you no like mongolia?" through the door and trying to force herself in. she was telling me how she sleeps with "many, many men" and she said the word "whore" more than once. this is an immeasurably fucked up situation and my little brother is trapped in the middle of it. he's the sweetest fucking kid in the world and i can't fucking bear the idea of him leaving to go back with her, but i cannot be under the same roof as this woman.

that said, i have nowhere to go because nobody will take me and my cat, and my cat is basically my entire world. she is my best friend, and pulled me out of suicidal depression. i'm terrified what would happen to her if i left, and i don't know what would happen to me if i lost her.

i spent a year in afghanistan and this is i think still the most distressing situation i have ever been placed in. i called my mom last night and tried to tell her but just broke down and sobbed for almost an hour. my mom came out from the east coast to see me and to get me to meet her fiancee's son but i am coming apart at the seams and can't even go.

anyway, if anyone read this, thanks for sticking through it. i just needed to vent

>>17287236
that's fucked up, where do you live now?

>>17287242
i live on the west coast, i'd rather not get too specific

>>17287262
it's cool, just sounds like you have an interesting life story

>>17287236
Stay strong.

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sometimes I think I have borderline personality disorder, cause I have 7 out of the 8 most common symptoms...it scares me

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I'm not sure if it's bad luck or if there's something wrong with me.

The last 2 girls I've dated had eventually dumped me because they "didn't have time for a relationship". They were working a job and working towards a Bachelor's degree. I supported them and gave them space as to not not come off as needy or suffocating. Regardless, they ended things.

Now I've started talking to a coworker that I'm attracted to, but it's the same thing. She's working two jobs, school, and side jobs such as baby/dog/house sitting. Speaking generally, she said that she's "shut that door" (relationships) for now until she gets her schooling done.

I'm 27, so I'm just not sure if it's the age range where women want to make something of themselves and don't want to be bothered, or perhaps a guy has to go above and beyond to make themselves stand out. Or if even perhaps it's me. I'm not clingy or a deadbeat. I work, have my BA, and keep busy with my own things. I'm just tired of being alone.

ANy advice or suggestions are welcome, but I needed to vent.

I just wish I knew

I am totally conflicted about my life right now.

A couple years ago, I was planning to go teach English in Korea but got screwed over last minute because my university wouldn't expedite sending my diploma to me. Since then, I've gotten married and divorced. I'm currently living with a really nice guy, but I still feel really devastated that I never got the chance to go live abroad.

I feel like I'm going to regret it forever if I don't, but I also don't want to lose my boyfriend. He's really nice, which is so important to me after my ex husband was emotionally abusive. I just don't know what to do.

>>17287396
maybe you are just striking out

go for a younger one - at least 21 - who isn't as successful as you, and she will consider you a catch

maybe try to talk to a waitress or something - they will love you just the same as a busy body successful type, and not want to lose you

>>17286994
ew

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>>17287442
I'm hoping that's the case.
I don't think age is the issue. The coworker is 20 and she has all that on her plate.

If anything I feel I should get a girl who already has her school shit together.

Thank you for replying though, kind anon.

>>17287454
well then you are officially getting picky if you expect schooling and stuff - when you narrow the search, the choices get smaller, and you might have to wait and be patient

>>17287492
My mistake if I came off that way, but I don't expect anything. I'm just saying that I feel I've struck out in unintentionally going for girls who don't have time for anything romantic.
But you make a good point. I should be patient. Perhaps focus on myself a bit more.

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This girl I've been skyping and snapchatting with for a few weeks now lives in another state. We're both pretty weeby and like listening the music and watching shows together. It's escalated from flirting to sending nudies to straight masturbation to each other. I'm too much of a loser to get a girl anywhere close to where I live. I think I'm falling for her, but she's told me "I love you" several times at this point. What the fuck do I do?

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Just please fucking take me. I'm done here, I lost. Please let it be over.

Ugh. I cried tonight for the first time in maybe a decade. It was something pretty stupid that sent me over the edge, but shit, now I can't stop. I can continue if anyone wants.

>>17287515
Think about teleportation.
You're taking molecules from your body and mind and disassembling them to recreate the same molecules and their vectors in another point in space. Now what happens if you don't recreate them? You're simply dead. Teleportation = Death. The only thing rebuilding does is create an exact clone of the original.
Thinking about things like this somehow made me contemplate the preciousness of consciousness and how it is THE MOST important thing to consider in any ethical topic.
You take a look at the hard problem of consciousness and try killing yourself. You won't do it because it's simply too precious.

>>17287521
Knock yourself out

>>17287527
Hah. Theseus's Paradox won't stop me. I got nothing to live for anymore. What is precious to you means nothing to me. If anything I'm glad I'll be free of this.

>>17279265
No

>>17287531
I was watching the anime "Hyouka." I guess everything that's been happening in my life just reached a tipping point, and I don't know why, but it just affected me and now I've been crying for an hour. Shit, I'm half crying while typing this. It kind of feels good though, I think I needed a good cry.

Dan
I read old messages... Hey, we got along well. But you were into this girl who didn't like you so i didn't make a move and now you're doing awesome and probably have the best girlfriend and most likely she's so pretty - like a model... and I regret regret regret.

And Our friend she told me to try to talk to you but I was too shy- let's be real, I'm an introvert and I don't like schmoozing.

My boyfriend is jealous and not nice to me in public and it's all I have and I wish I could just be Alone but lonliness gets the best of me.

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>>17285417

>>17287565
Sometimes we hold in too much of life's bullshit. It happens to me alot as well.

All I do is watch The Land Before Time when I can't take anymore, and cry my eyes out.

Don't feel bad for doing it. As long as you do it in private, a good cry is completely healthy

I want to get laid at least once before I ship for bootcamp in 2 months.

>>17287632
Hey, thanks. This probably sounds pathetic but it really feels good to get this off my chest.

I'm going to kill myself tonight. I have to.

alright i feel like abusing my ex cause she's a dodgy whore. she told me i'm her soul mate and shit only to hide that several guys rooted and booted her before me by playing the whole 'you're the one baby girl' card
i broke up with her, fucked other girls, and then said i want you back and she has the audacity to call me a cheat and say she's been tricked. like tricked? i tricked her? wtf bruv i didn't wanna be with a lying ho and she thinks i'm in the wrong.
anyway we haven't spoken in a while cause, last time she contacted me saying 'what's new?' like wtf is that... you just want to know my life you don't care... now i feel like messaging her to abuse her cause i just found a fake insta of hers... should i just avoid this bitch or abuse her /adv/?

>>17287697
okay... talk to me. why do you 'have to'? like what problems do you have that makes that the only solution. if you want to vent, please do tell more because your resolution solves nothing

>>17287706
Because everything just gets worse. I've been holding on for over a decade and nothing gets better. I don't get better. I hate everything I am. I am literally socially retarded. I rarely am able to make friends. The "friends" I do make, turn out to be fucking snakes. No matter how much experience I have, I'm fucking naive when it comes to people. I'm the type of person that people easily take advantage of. These are all half-assed and I'm rambling. I actually just hate the person I truly am.

I'm just sick of feeling this way despite the amount of time and therapy I have had.

I feel like everyone except for maybe two people are pushing me to kill myself anyways.

I just need to do it. Fuck everything/

Please fucking kill me. Please. Please.

I woke up from a nap exactly when it became his birthday. What do I see? Them flaunting their relationship. Why did I let go of him? Why am I so fucking awful? Why did I hesitate? Please fucking end me. I hate myself so much

>>17287732
>Just to add.

I can't stand myself and I can't handle how fucked up everyone else is. I can't stand how fucked up I can be. I just don't want to be here anymore. I'm not the kind of person who should be alive. The two people I opened my heart to in the past have just twisted me the fuck up and I haven't been able to go back. I just want to go. I am so sad and angry.

>>17287732
things will get better. honestly things are shit IRL atm cause society is fucked which is why EVERYONE is a snake, from family to best friends to partners honestly everyones moral compass is out of whack... you honestly need to find things that will make you happy.. shit advice from me cause i'm a strong stoner and have been for almost 2 years to self-medicate depression but things will get better, you just need to find hobbies and interests as cliche as it sounds bro(sis?) you can get through this.... remember stars need darkness to shine my friend, your comedowns are getting you ready for your come ups just trust the process and soldier on

I don't know but I have resorted to tarot readings to see if I'll be with her. And all have indicated yes.

Fuck

>>17287737
you're attached to him not in love, find a fling and rebound off em

>>17287750
maybe you need to like i said find hobbies and interests to make you happy, you can then find friends and maybe romance but the possibilites are limitless... just don't be hard on yourself, and desu, try to fix the things you don't like about yourself... it's hard but TRUST that it's incredibly rewarding and you'll come out not only happier, but potentially smartter, energetic, enthusiastic and all that positive shit

>>17287754
I refuse to rebound. I'm not even attached to him, I am in love or at least I think so. I want to fulfill our promises together. I want to do every single thing we said we would. I want to hold him close like I said I would. I want to be the person he spends hours and hours playing games with again, talking to and falling asleep after talking to. I want to be the person who could celebrate his birthday with him. I want to make up for the fact we didn't celebrate Valentine's Day, Christmas, Easter, New Year's or certain other events together.

But I can't. I can't and I fucked up. I ended it out of insecurity, and then I watched and hesitated the entire time. Now I can't be with him, I can only blame myself. I have to accept something I don't want to be the reality. It's only a reality, and I'm only forced to, because I fucked up.

Rebounding wouldn't be right, I just fucking hate myself

I fucking hate you.

What is wrong with you?

Why did you involve me with you?

Why are you doing this now?

>>17287761
lol... he doesn't want to fulfill your promises together. sorry, not sorry.
honestly none of those things are gonna happen he has a new relo deal with it and move on you sound crazy, this isn't a fairytale and he isn't romeo bruv...

oh and you ended it? i just read that... the fuck i'm confused

don't rebound then, but inevitably you're gonna have to move on... better sooner than later

>>17287764
Love you too.

What's wrong with you?

You're involving yourself moron.

I'm just tryna help ya dig

after being single for over 10 years and losing hope on ever falling in love again (due to shitty relationships I had), I finally find an interesting guy. except he is sheltered as fuck and isn't sure about dating me because we're too different.

You're reaffirming my instinct that you don't care.

it hurts so much.

Find someone else

>>17287773
No you don't.

-

Had no idea you were so cold. That was well-hidden.

No you're not.

>>17287769
Yes, I ended it. Yes, I made the mistake of ending it. Yes, I'm perhaps crazy. I can think of nothing but how I fucked up and how I am only forced to move on because I, no one else, I messed up. I ended it, and now he's gone. I hesitated, now he's gone.

I know I have to move on, have to. I know, and that hurts. If I hadn't fucked up, I wouldn't HAVE to move on. I could have had the chance to be with him right now, I could be wishing him a happy birthday right now. I could be telling him how much I love him right now.

I can never do that. The person I've loved all this time, yet I could never bring myself to fix the fact I ended it. I can't be with him entirely because of myself. I'm forced to move on, and it's because I fucked up. Even he would tell me to move on if he knew I felt this way.

That's entirely my fault. It's entirely my fault.

>>17287777
Likewise

>>17280203
What's her initials...jk...jk...get better, R, and try to move...it'll be hard but you should try

>>17287800
I don't need your projection.

>>17287791
my nigga

-

my nigga my nigga

my ma fuckin nigga

>>17287792
bruv, have u ever heard the saying 'no point crying over spilled milk'... clean that shit up and get on with your day

>>17287732
>I'm the type of person that people easily take advantage of.
Keep in mind that this is a good sign: it could be worse.
If people use you, that means you're not useless.
You just need to find a better use for yourself.

>>17287752
>>17287759
This "it gets better, go get some hobbies" advice is bullshit to me.
The problem with actual depression is that you can't fucking enjoy anything, so strategies that rely on enjoying things are counterproductive.
Tantamount to "might as well kill yourself".

When things get dark enough, you have to rely on other reasons to live.

>>17287902
well how about you give some advice rather critiquing others anon? cause quite frankly your post sounds like horseshit to me as it has no real advice just 'comments' lol fuck off with your comments

>>17287777
Some people care but don't have any way to show it properly.
I'm one of them.
But frankly, we're the type of people that nobody's thinking of anyway.
So carry on.

>>17287923
>But frankly, we're the type of people that nobody's thinking of anyway.

...but I'm heavily thinking of someone that may be like that. or they legitimately don't give a shit. It seems they really just don't care at this point.

I shouldn't care anymore;

What the fuck? I thought we were close. You are starting to always reply days or weeks later, last time you did it was for Six months. Am I that pathetic that you wont even tell me to go away? Have you no self awareness to know that I dont FUCKING WANT TO HEAR ABOUR YOUR SHIT BOYFRIENDS. Seriously I'm here waiting for you to say something anything. Why Do you still talk to me? Why do i keep falling for it and keep coming back? I feel like telling you to fuck off but you'll see it and it won't stir up any emotion and.

also fuck you for laughing when I told you I was still a virgin

fuck childhood friends why do i care about them

>>17287957
yes you are that pathetic because although you've received no response you are still fretting over it...
being a virgin is not bad, it's admirable in a society filled with hoes in both genders so i have a challenge for you anon
MAN THE FUCK UP AND RESPEK YOURSELF MY NIGGA *fist bump*

We've reached the bump limit.
----------------------------------------
New thread: >>>>>17288012

Don't mourn this loss so badly.

Realize that so many beautiful people get their hearts broken in relationships all the time.

Some people's connections are so strong, they feel bound by spirit, and when the relationship ends they feel like they've lost such a perfect partner.

The reality is that spirituality and the idea of a "soul mate" is a really dangerous idea. We are surrounded by the natural beauty of the world and are exposed to it every day by ways of emotions. Even emotions like sadness, loneliness, and regret are beautiful aspects of life because they allow us to feel for something.

When the world of emotion becomes too much for us, our rational and reasonable minds become clouded.

We are all rational intelligent beings first and foremost. We use this to navigate through our lives by making deductions and inferences and by using cost analysis for all sorts of things such as choosing a mate. These rational processes all have their vital functions to keep driving us towards the quest of ultimate understanding and knowledge.

>>17288018
But it doesn't change the fact of why this happened. No matter what, the blame only lies on one person in this particular case. The impossible is only impossible because of those actions. A case where no matter what, there is no confusion over the result of those actions, the cause, and absolutely no confusion on whether something is possible or not.

So whether so many people lose their relationships or not, whether breakups are common or not, does that matter? I don't think it does. There is no excusing my mistake. Maybe others can excuse my mistake because it doesn't truly affect them. My mistake cost me, not them. So the only person who can truly pass judgment on me is me.

Yo fggts,

Haven't spoken to another human in weeks.

Mid 20's, somewhere in Europe.
After re-locating several times and starting from scratch I got depressed, my spouse or other family members never took my notes of self awareness serious. ("you? Depressed? You dont need a psych")
Had a child, thinking marriage and mind would focus on the offspring and get better gradually.
2,5 years later, it hasn't, went to see a therapist, started meds (all good for a couple of months, 40mg Fluoxetine a day).

Suddenly, mind snapped, left work without saying a work, last message to my wife read; "See you later".
Left her without support and with the child.

Can't find compassion or remorse, live like a homeless guy and have nowhere to go to.
Don't engage in conversations and all I do is hide and search for food when I have none.

Nobody ever told me that I am a dick or that I shouldn't do that, even though limited few know the situation.

So know I am left with a crucial decision (Which is also why posting on adv/), do I stay in this country that I am currently, or do I go back to my native country and see what that will bring and thus completely cancelling out any point of return?

Do I embark on this adventure or do I stay and wait for something else or crawl back to the staged life of the "ideal family"...

I have been married 19 years and my wife is driving me insane. Everything she does grinds on my ass. Same fights over and over. No sex. Making me suicidal.