if you had a partner that was PERFECT in nearly every way and

also you did not cheat on them. just, during the beginning stages of the relationship you didn't take them seriously and tried to make them jealous, or spoke to friends they didn't want you speaking to

First question. How old are both of you?

"Trust issues" is such a bullshit, cop-out, buzz word, meme excuse for just about anything you can think of.

Sorry I shot you in the spine and paralysed you from the waist down. I have trust issues from past relationships. No, I don't want to talk about it. I don't like opening up due to fear of getting hurt. Y'know, because of trust issues.

You don't deserve to be with anyone until you can resolve your "muh trust issues" shit and stop hurting others.

>>17267764
you're truly a moron that's trying too hard to simplify things that are not always cut and dry. and i did not want to be with anyone, that's the thing. i didn't want to date at the time precisely for that reason. that's why i didn't take him seriously.

>>17267759
>>17267759
we're both 22 and we have known each other/been interested in each other for almost 5 years, been together for 2.

>>17267764
oh, i should also mention, i haven't hurt him in a very long time. well over a year. things are stable, but he keeps blocking me/ignoring me, even when i need him. i am very devoted to him. incredibly devoted to him and will gladly do anything for him. it's just that the beginning stages were rocky. so none of that is an issue any longer.

>>17267768
Sounds like you got a lot going on in your life here. If they are stepping away momentarily to catch their breath it could be because they feel overwhelmed by everything being brought to them. Honestly, could you blame them? Hell, when my wife and I fight, I need to walk away too just to get away from the drama.

The more important questions are:
- Does he always come back to you?
- Has he forgiven you for your former behavior (sounds like no)
- Do you guys talk about your insecurities like adults?
- Do you feel like you are in the relationship because you're latching onto some one to support you or because you genuinely want to share your company with this person?

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>>17267768
>"Trust issues" at 22
I bet you're a cutter too. It's like they made you from a template.

>>17267774
thank you for your reply! well, see, there hasn't been any drama. he just leaves and will ignore me even when there isn't any real trigger. as i said, he will get upset and just bail, basically. and then during these periods (they can last anything from 1-14 days where i am basically entirely ignored), something will happen, like, say the infections will start up, or something will happen in my life, and it'd be nice to just... be there. i mean literally, he will not say anything to me at all for a number of days, and i am left hanging. i have no friends, i have no one else, so it's especially hurtful. i should also bring up the fact that he prefers that i not have friends, which i don't mind, because i am naturally inclined to just sticking to myself, but occasionally, when things are dogshit, you need people.

- he does come back to me
- i would say that he doesn't, i don't think he understands my feelings and how remarkably shit my life has been, how badly things have affected me, how difficult it is to be in terrifying situations
- yes, i would say so
- no, because i am perfectly fine with being single, i just love being around him. he is truly unlike anyone i have ever known and i sincerely cherish everything about him and would like to be with him as much as possible and be able to experience life alongside him, though i am fine on my own. that having been said, if he cannot forgive me, i would prefer to not be in this weird limbo, because it's horrible feeling conditionally cared for, or loved, and then harshly abandoned. it really sucks, and if i'm not right for him, i'd much rather be alone, but he will spend days with me and reassure me that i am perfect and everything he wants and that he loves me, etc, and then just... disappear. he is a very emotional person. a very jealous person.

>>17267775
kind of a fair assumption as nearly semi-depressive every halfwit with a vagina on the internet cuts themselves, but no, i do not. feel free to spit out some more ill judged assumptions, but maybe try to be funnier next time. otherwise you're just shitting up my thread with your lame .jpgs

>>17267795
I feel you. I think I get what you mean, especially about it just being nice to have someone around when you need it. I don't think that is much to ask of someone you've close to for so long.

I don't know this guy but I recognize those tendencies because I do them too. I like to fuck off when things are not going my way and act like a big baby and give people the cold shoulder as a way of controlling situations. I hate that I do it, but I do it. Unless I am projecting a shit ton, your bf may be the same way.

I don't like this whole not speaking to you for up to 2 weeks shit, that is just downright nonsense. The solution to that problem is straight up telling him that won't fly with you. Otherwise, you shouldn't ever be waiting out a stilted relationship just because you feel like you owe them something. You were going through hell, you made some bad choices at the begining and he can either forgive you move on, or not and leave you to suffer forever.

>>17267795
I feel you need to ditch him and make some friends. It'll be healthier for you to make one or two actual friends instead of being with this guy who's covered in red flags.

This is straight up an emotionally abusive relationship, and you need to get a new perspective and fix yourself up away from him.

>>17267808
you know, i have tried to tell him that even though i have made many mistakes, he expects a lot from me, and i am very happy to do whatever, but it never is enough. i have no life outside of him, and i am fine with living that way, but still, i am ignored.

i have had many friends, i eventually end up cutting ties with them. he is the best friend i have ever had, aside from this continued craziness. i'm tired of meeting new people and being disappointed. i am happier alone. i know what you're saying though and i completely understand that this is unhealthy, but i feel patently unwell when i am around others, and i have had a wide variety of friends, and again, i prefer being alone, generally.

>>17267843
So ask yourself this. Is being with this guy, who is clearly not fully invested in you, better than being alone to work and focus on yourself?

>>17267802
exactly!

what kind of situations lead to you ignoring people? do you ignore your wife, ever?

that's how i feel. i completely understand cooling down for 4-6 hours, calming down, i get it, but why weeks? why? why even days without any acknowledgement (and i do mean ANY)? i feel very invisible, and it's awful feeling that way when you're in a very tough position. i just can't understand this. what i have basically accepted is that he mustn't care to the extent that he claims. furthermore, i worry for his safety. if he gets home alright, if he is okay, if he is safe, etc, and he has repeatedly ignored my pleas when i ask for just, some sign that he is alright. it is a shame and seems very senseless to me. i have told him, you know, enough is enough, but that isn't enough to elicit a reaction. he just continues to ignore me. i am fairly sure that if i do end up walking away, he won't try to contact me.

>>17267847
that's the thing though, when it's not like this, it's incredible, he expresses complete devotion, and shows me in many ways that he does care, but then... this happens. so it's very conflicting.

it's obviously better to work on myself, i am well aware of that, but i can't discern with confidence that i am right about him not caring, because it is amazing and wonderful when he is not upset or afraid or jealous. but i still feel, that even if you are terribly upset, afraid, or jealous, would one courtesy message be too much to ask?

>>17267862
>>17267852

Nothing you've mentioned sounded remotely unreasonable imo. My wife asks me to be more open about how I am feeling about things and I try to oblige her for the very same reasons you give - out of concern for my well being.

I have never cold shouldered someone for WEEKS though. I ignore people as a defense mechanism, a shitty one at that, so that I can control what comes to me and what comes from me. Usually I am just using that time to play video games or read, or do a whole buncha nothin. I don't even remember why I ignored her in the first place. I am growing out of it as I get older though. I can't speak for your bf though. Hopefully it's a phase that you and him can work out, and it's not because he is deeply resentful of some bullshit that happened a while ago. Unless you were ruthlessly cruel, and hurt him on some irreparable level - if he is still with you he's got to be willing to meet you half way.

You are being very reasonable and understanding and if he were just giving it a night to sleep on or maybe didn't text back or something silly I wouldn't be so concerned. All in all, I think he needs to grow up.

What do you do about that? Not much other than be straight up about how much it pisses you off. If he keeps doing it, it is 100% out of spite. Call him on it.

>>17267874
how old are you guys? how often do you generally ignore her for? what does she think about it, and how does she handle you ignoring her? do you ignore her now, even though she is your wife, or was this during dating?

yes, see, and that's what hurts me the most. we could be spending that time together, reading together, talking together, whatever, together... but i guess he just doesn't enjoy my company enough for it to outweigh whatever resentment, or fear, he feels toward me. he claims (not all the time), that he is too scared to talk to me. i will admit that i acted like a 12 time mayor of crazytown population:1, but it is the past, and i feel like... i don't know, i just feel like if i met someone like myself and they had been through similar things, and if i was "in love" with them, jealousy, fear, etc, none of these things would come before them.

the thing that sucks is that he is a very sensitive person, and very odd, (i wouldn't be surprised if we found out he was autistic), so i can understand the fear thing, but sometimes he'll ignore me because he's not the only person i've ever been with (even though i never wanted to lose my virginity, and it was a complicated situation to say the least. not ideal.), and so he is jealous, and i guess, can't bear to be around me? can't bear to look at me? it's very hurtful, but i guess i can understand, on some level.

>>17267874
also, i have called him on it, and he basically responds with... that he's justified, because of how i acted, and how he doesn't trust me, and how i have done this or that in the past, etc, etc.

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>>17267909
My wife and I are both in our early thirties. I often times resort to putting on the cold shoulder when I want to get my way. Usually when she calls me out on something idiotic I've done. I don't do it nearly as often as when we were dating but it's still like this stupid thing I do. It's a mixture of not wanting to fight, and being a little baby about things. It's not a good method at all. I do condone however, getting some air if things get too heated and coming back to resolve things soon after.

Sounds like to me you have suffered enough in your life, and your boyfriend needs to be way more accepting of past grievances in order to solidify this relationship. Unless you are leaving anything out about how you behave, and he just sort of fucks off for days at a time on a whim - I'd say the ball is in your court to decide if he's worth handling.

These sorts of things can work themselves out and pass on by but it requires BOTH people to hear each other out and respect needs and boundaries. What is acceptable and unacceptable to both of you as a unit.

If it's a power struggle and neither side is budging, or worse one side takes all - then it is never going to get better and you will both stay miserably together.

If he continues to act this way, he is just sabotaging the relationship and playing the victim card. He is behaving like a child not a boyfriend and confidant. Have you tried to persuading him to stop by putting things in his perspective? Like, "remember how awful it was for you when I wasn't there for you way back when? That is how things feel for me now. Whatever mistakes I've made I am amending them and I ask that you do the same. If we don't stop this (note the we is important) we will never get past it. Is that how you want it to be?

>>17267913
yeah no, that's not going to fly. You can forgive and forget, forgive and not forget, you can forget to forgive, and forgive forgetfulness but you can not forgive and then wield it like a flail over your head. He is acting like a chump.