Is it a bad thing to have high standards? My high standards only

>>17263979

What exactly are you searching for though? It sounds like you are just looking for someone that is a male version of yourself?

Your standards are still based on superficial things though. These things don't define someone anymore than what they look like. Searching for the right romantic partner is not about finding someone who exactly fits your mould of what YOU think is perfect. The perfect guy for you might drink and do drugs and might be into entirely different hobbies than you. It comes down to what they can offer you emotionally and how you connect as human beings.

So yes, it is unrealistic to be waiting around for this mystical perfect man. Focus on being the person you want to be yourself and you will attract the right people eventually.

>>17264043
I see. Well I still am going to turn down alcoholics and drug addicts, but if a guy can use them moderately it will be okay.
I've been dumped for having too different hobbies than the guy I was dating so I thought that's just normal to want to have something in common?

>I'm also obnoxiously religious
>I will never make more than $15/hour
>I think we should split the housework even if I don't work anywhere near as hard as my husband
>I don't really know how to cook or keep a clean house

>But I just want a nice, funny guy, y'know?

>>17264074
I don' really get your point? I shouldn't want a nice guy because some women might be like that?

>I don't care about looks at all, as long as the guy showers

Stop lying to yourself.

Your standards aren't high or unrealistic. To be honest they sound quite vanilla and boring. It shouldn't be too hard to find some whitebread middle class career man to fill your void, provided HIS standards aren't too high

>>17264077

I'm saying that anyone with high standards should be a high quality person themselves, but that's not usually the case. It's always just 5/10 service industry workers who are trying to shield their ego from the fact that they're perpetually single.

On the bright side, a lot of us nice, rich men would probably proposition you to be their mistress as long as you can avoid being a gossip.

To some extent, yes, it is. For one thing, if I am guessing I would guess that you value a guy you have sizzling chemistry and endless deep conversations with (as opposed to one you mesh with okay enough) more than whether he drinks on occasional beer or not. However, by imposing a standard that so many guys will fail to meet, you are actively lessening the dating pool and thus the chance that you find a guy who is overall great for you. Pretty much the same answer I give to guys dead set on a virgin girl. You rule out so many people that you are extremely likely to fuck yourself over with it.

>>17264085
Ehh but that's not what I want.

>>17264086
I don't want a rich guy.

>>17264086
>tries to make himself appear like a great catch any woman would be sad to not qualify for
>casually mentions infidelity prospects
>"such nice guys we are!"

>>17264089
Okay. Well I can easily be okay with getting moderately drunk on weekends, just not during week or being violent while drunk. Cannabis is okay too but other drugs than that freak me out.

>>17264104
It should absolutely be doable to find a guy who uses in moderation and is not interested in hard drugs.

Overall I don't have much issues with having standards, it's important to know what you want... the thing is that most of the time when people fall in love, they appreciate things about someone that they never saw coming. It is not something you can rationally pull apart beforehand. So I would try to not grow attached to standards to the point where you're too closed off to judge a person by their own merit instead of immediately writing them off because one thing does not align with your fantasy.

>>17264115
Yeah, I've just been ignoring standards too much in the past, for example the last guy drank a lot and we didn't have a lot in common but we liked each other but all we could do together was be all over each other and have sex.

So I don't want to do that again, being with someone just because I like them. It can be difficult to be with someone who drinks a lot since I don't drink at all. I'm in no hurry finding anyone, this is just stuff that I think about.

>>17264104

Sorry lady, all men are violent wife-beating drunks who mainline black tar heroin 5 days a week. Your standards are wayyyy too high, you need to be a bit more realistic

Your standards sound perfectly normal

>>17264134
God there are so many guys like this in my country really haha

>>17264125
That's solid, but there's a lot in between drinking a lot and not drinking at all. Justified or not, there's also a hefty social stigma against people who don't drink (all the more if you run in a crowd where it is part of the social gatherings, which is pretty much any crowd in college), even more so for men. Someone could not be into alcohol at all and still not abstain from drinking completely. Again, I'd just evaluate an individual guy and not try to come up with rules that apply to everyone all the time, that can't do justice to individual potential between you and someone else.

>>17264138
Yeah thanks a lot for that :3 also I should probably take it even slower in the future, to really get to know the guy before investing in them emotionally. One ex said that he occasionally smokes weed, truth was he does it every day and had whole lot of mental problems too. But I was stupid then for not seeing that, I know better now.

>>17264072
90% of people who drink are not alcoholics. Most people can use drugs moderately. As for the hobbies thing, when you meet the right person, those things won't matter at all. The right person lets you be yourself. Likewise if you are the right person, you let them be themselves.

>>17263979
No. Coming from a guy, I don't think it's a bad thing to have high standards. Especially if you're actually hot shit.

My own standards are very high, and I won't bother considering girls who don't meet every single one of them for a relationship. I also have very high standards for myself. The problem is not having high standards for a mate. The problem is having standards that make it impossible for you to find a mate.

Dude wants a girl who's beautiful and who meets his peronslity standards? Not a problem. Dude wants a woman like that but is himself a fat, greasy, antagonistic, boring neckbeard? Problem, if only because he's unlikely to find a woman like he wants who's willing to give herself in exchange for what he has to offer. He's either gonna have to settle (not good) or become worthy of his ideal.

Woman has high or specific standards for a man? Not a problem. But if she's fat, antagonistic to everybody around her, stupid, shallow, and uninteresting, it's unlikely that she's going to find anything better than a man of slightly-higher caliber than her for anything more than a fuck.


Be unapologetic with your standards and be worthy of them. Fuck all of that "lower yours tandards to be happy" bullshit. You won't be happy that way; you'll be settling for unhappiness.