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My dad gets manipulative and gaslights me when he is angry/frustrated. I'm a college student living with dad, and I am attempting to move out when our lease ends next year. But here's the scenario:
>car broke down when i went to visit grandparents last week
>i had to wait until payday to get car fixed
>then our trusted mechanic had family emergency
>my car couldn't be fixed for a week
>borrowed car from them to work, but could not take it to home because there is no parking for visitors or even overnight street parking in my complex
>so was not home for a week
>day my car broke down, i left a couple dishes in the sink, didn't know this shit would happen
>text dad saying can't get home til car is fixed
>just got car back this morning
>dad sends me angry text that kitchen stinks, that he's tired of cleaning up after everyone in his life, gives me a full on lecture
>get home now
>75% of dishes are his
>reason kitchen stinks is because trash was not taken out and dad's milk cups are everywhere
>i never drink milk so that is not mine
This is a smaller issue, I'm just gonna fucking clean everything so dad stops complaining. But how the fuck do I deal with this constantly. To be honest, I'm constantly cleaning up after dad. I do his dishes, if he makes dinner, he doesn't clean what he used to cook with. Then will constantly make passive aggressive excuse like "well, you ate dinner and I cooked, so you can do that work." Yet if I cook and he eats, I can never say that to him.
He's cleaned the full apartment maybe twice since we moved in over a year ago, claims he did it all the time, and somehow it's always my turn.
How do I even split house duties with someone like this? He also claims that it is because he is out of the house more than I am, but I am gone for just the amount of time he is. I go to school and work from 7am to 6-7 pm. He works from 6am to 5pm or so. We're both busy.
I'm just tired of the comments and excuses and manipulation..
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Sometimes dad's get frustrated and sometimes they take it out on their children. He may not be specifically mad at you, but youre the only one there.
You just gotta show him you're not a doormat he can step all over when shit gets rough
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>>17261095
And how do I not be a doormat. Honestly, my dad is a very pessimistic person. When he is happy, he is very loving person. We get along great.
When he is angry, all I can practically do is do what he says and duck for cover until it's over. When he is angry, reason does not exist.
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Your dad is a massive cock and you should move out and live alone. Let him deal with his own shit for a while.
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>>17261133
I want to do that, but I am bound to this lease on our apartment at the moment. I finally started making enough money to live on my own, but there's nothing I can do until I save a few grand to be able to put a deposit and move.
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>>17261110
You gotta confront him and stand your ground. Also remain calm no matter how angry or pissed you actually are because the moment you are down to his level is the moment he "wins"
if he hits you, you hit him right back, just as hard.
I'm had many confrontations with my dad. It never gotten to the point where I had to hit him, but I told him that I wasn't going to take his shit laying down, 9I also told him if he ever hit me, I'm taking my foot and aiming right at his kneecaps) especially now that I'm in my mid twenties. We have a very healthy relationship because he respects me and I respect him.
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>>17260927
none of that seems to be gaslighting, for what it's worth.
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>>17261173
>the dishes in the sink are his
>tells me those are my dishes, when he knows they are his
>gets upset that he has to clean up after me
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>>17261169
I will attempt to reason with him tonight.
There is no way I can hit my dad and I doubt he'll ever hit me. He is a 6'3 over 200 pound man. I am a 5'2 110 pound female..
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>>17261186
On that note, I feel like there is also a cross gendered hypocrisy going on here. My dad has always told me to stray from gender norms. Basically, be a independent woman who don't need no man kinda thing. Yet, he has even reverted to me being female before as an excuse that I need to clean after him. The whole thing has been frustrating... Just excuse after excuse.
I'm tempted to eat off paper plates, let his dishes pile, then wait for him to ask me to do his dishes again...
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>>17261186
I am a 5'2 female and I got in a fight with my dad where I ended up punching him and he charged me with assault.
Dont suggest it
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