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Me and my partner (James) have been together for a little under six years and we were eachother's firsts for pretty much everything.
Throughout our relationship the sex has been pretty great. James obviously has a lower libido than me but I can live with that. Recently he revealed to me that he views sex as "bad and immoral. Something that should be shameful." I was immediately confused because we've been dating for so long and we've been having sex the whole time, he's never mentioned this before. He wasn't raised religiously, either.
He says he likes sex in the moment, but mostly afterwards he feels extremely negatively about the act, that it's gross and embarrassing. Not just penetration either: handjobs, blowjobs, kissing... Apparently he'll get flashbacks throughout the week and become frozen with shame or disgust. He didn't tell me sooner in the relationship because he was afraid I would leave him.
I kind of freaked out. Here I was thinking we were doing something intimate, fun, and mutual but it's something that's been making him for feel horrible for years!
I feel distressed and guilty about this. I no longer feel comfortable having sex with him because I fear it would cause him these "flashbacks". Even when he initiates (which I would say is 50% of the time), he still claims later to "feel really bad about what we did last night".
I feel like this is a huge problem for me, but he doesn't see it as one, that nothing's changed. He's willing to continue having sex (and I believe he does like it sometimes) but I can't stop thinking about whether he's enjoying it, or if this act will make him feel shame later. I don't want to feel guilty about having sex!
I've recommended that he sees a therapist about this but every time he gets insulted saying "I don't have a problem. You're over analyzing this. You're saying I'm broken?", etc.
I just don't know what to do. Am I obsessing over nothing?
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yea he needs to see a therapist, i dont know if what im saying is true, but maybe his religious upbringing is fucking up your relationship
or maybe he got raped when he was a kid and he has flashbacks about that when you do things to his boipussy
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>>17223845
I've got a pretty similar problem but with my girlfriend. I (a guy) have been completely open with other women in my past when it comes to sex but now after three years, no BJ no cunnilingus no anything except the good old missionary position with this girl. And we're both 24. What are people like us, with normal sex drives to do? Just accept our partners because of everything else EXCEPT sex, or do we move on because life is too short?
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>>17223872
sounds like hes already seen the rapist
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>>17223845
Are you a man or a woman?
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>>17223845
why not get kinky and the next time you want sex you get him turned on fucking around with him fuck him or make him fuck you and during call him a filthy slut and everything like that, see how it goes.
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