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I have an abusive father, and I only just realised it at 22. I always knew he treated me different to my siblings, but I thought it was normal. I guess you always do when it's how you're raised. But the chronic depression, the substance abuse. I'm beginning to think they've all got their roots in the violent outbursts, the demeaning punishment, the random abuse I was subject to as a kid. My mother was too timid to do anything, lest she be subjected to the same bullshit, but apologised to me recently, telling me that I didn't deserve the treatment I got in their house. I cried tears of relief that day for a problem I didn't even know I had.
What's the next step? How do I deal with this? I feel like it's had a profound impact on my life. What's an appropriate way to handle all this, including handling parents who still want contact with me.
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Kill him you fag
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>>17179944
So helpful
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Bump for opie
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>>17179890
I have a slightly similar relationship with my mother. This is still slightly different than your case, but the common factor we have is that my mom treated me much differently than my siblings.
On top of verbal, physical, and sexual abuse, my mom always set me up for failure, forced me to make decisions that had negative impacts on my life, stolen money from me, attempted to hook up with my previous boyfriends.
I mean, my mom is just a terrible person. And many things she did to me, were in complete private. When she'd punish me, she'd do it when I was alone. Then when I'd reach out to my siblings, she'd convince them I'm a liar.
I was a liar. I was a sneaky little shit growing up. Most people see that as a spoiled brat. When I was a child, I'd set up scenarios for my siblings to get in trouble to see how my mom would punish them. When I got older, I did a lot of underage drinking and stuff. It was more like an outlet for the shit my mom put me through. But, since I was a sneaky little shit that lied to save myself from trouble, my mom liked to play me as the worst member of our family and it did not help my case against my mom since I was already a "problem child", any time I confided in her abuse, I was easily passed off as wanting attention or being a brat. Meanwhile, my brother has been snorting meth since 16 and my mom is in complete denial... he's 29 now and no one can tell her different STILL.
Anyways, I am sorry for the rant. What helped me most was therapy. Can't change your parent, but you can change you. I still cannot forgive my mother, but I've made progress in therapy. It has helped so much.
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>>17180046
...holy shit... I really feel terrible hearing about that... I'm so sorry. I seriously hope you're doing well.
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Bumpin for opie again
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>>17179890
you've apparently acknowledged something you pushed aside.
next step is to assess your current life situation with honesty. Look at whats good and whats bad. If the good outweighs the bad, then just continue to acknowledge it. if its the other way around, look at the things that are bad and see if they have some reasonable connection to it.
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