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I have had a problem my whole life with letting my guard down

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I have had a problem my whole life with letting my guard down enough to let someone else in.
It appears after many years I've figured it out and my fiance proposed to me last year.
A big issue in our relationship is still that I have not been able to get off when we have sex/sexual contact. I'm talking hands, mouth, toys, penis, nothing works. I've had a total of 7 sexual partners and nothing has worked.
I am aware that I am very absorbed in my fetish and having a vanilla partner makes it hard for me to even fantasize about them doing what I want to do. I can't even think it because I know it will never happen.
So I'm left basically in this fortress of my own thoughts to masturbate as I wish and talk to people online that share the fetish. However, when I'm with a partner it means there's something clearly missing from the sex, and I just can't cum without it and I can't get in the mood without it.

What do?
>>
Fetish?
>>
>>17161198
Pee fetish
>>
>>17161173
3 large glasses of wine and a promise to do whatever he wants once if he does the pee thing.
I have this conversation with all gf's at one point and if she said pee fetish I'd be well excited. Not because the pee fetish - i don't get that at all, but i figure after that anything goes
>>
>>17161223
Why must you give me boners.
Thread posts: 5
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