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So I thought about posting this to r9k but maybe i'll get

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So I thought about posting this to r9k but maybe i'll get better answers here.

Ive always been out of touch with everyone else in my life and I recently found out I may have an avoidant personality disorder. I constantly feel like people are talking about me behind my back and every person I meet is judging me harshly. I feel like such a detriment to everyone im around all the time, even my friends and family. I have had plenty of chances to get into a relationship but I always move away from it because I feel like it wont be meaningful or the other person is trying to use me. I dont want to be single forever, but I dont think "true love" actually exists. Im in love with a girl I can never have. My self confidence and self esteem levels are at an all time low. Ive thought about suicide before but I am too much of a coward to actually go through with it. I spend about 80-90% of my day in my own fantasies in my head and I desperately wish that I could be anywhere else than here. I just feel depressed and awful. How can I combat these thoughts and feelings because I honestly think they will one day destroy me.

I know you guys probably get a thousand threads a day about stuff like this but any help is appreciated.
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You sound like you have a similar personality to me. I have learnt to overcome most of it but sometimes that feeling comes back.
How old are you and what kind of past life moments can you link to feeling this way now?
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>>17117831
Not OP, but I'm in similar situation. How did you learn to overcome it?
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>>17117849
>>17117811
Avie sure sucks. It really does.
How to beat it? You have to take the plunge and embrace criticism, negativity, disappointment, and discomfort. Grab yourself by the balls and go do whatever you are uneasy about doing! Manifest your thoughts into actions, or else stay emotionally comatose because you can't challenge your patterning.

Step it up!!
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I'm not sure how to handle that, anon. I have this issue where I meet a lot of people, they become pretty friendly to me, yet when we stop seeing each other I hardly ever bother to call or contact them. For no reason at all. I'm told that I'm a pretty decent person and all but after some time I just "forget" about people. Then it becomes this thing where my life has become so uninteresting that if I talk to someone I'm expecting that someone to ask about how things are going for me, and I can't even make a conversation about it. I have nothing to offer them anymore.
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>>17117849
Well.. This guy >>17117860 replied instead of me but I don't really connect with his approach.

I have various emotional and psychological issues due to multiple events through life.

The major hurdle has been guilt combined with low self esteem. Which expanded to low self worth, self sabotage, and having convinced myself that I will never find redemption. Suicide was always thought about but never carried out because I felt I had to suffer.

So how do you fix yourself when you don't think you're worth fixing? Therapy was useless. I either sabotaged myself and got told there was nothing wrong with me.

So I'm self helped. The careful thing to balance with that is over analysis. The more problems you find with yourself, the more you think others will also see it. You shouldn't look too close or draw importance on coincidence or chance.

Truth is no one knows what's going on inside your head, but you still have to watch your body language and mannerisms.

My personal way out was to find external elements in life to place value on. Things that wouldn't nessesarily just dissapear.

Friends have mostly come and gone in my life but I found one who was just as eccentric and messed up, and a couple more who where patient and understanding. I can't value myself based on what people who don't know me think. So these friends were vital in picking me up just by virtue of knowing a lot about me and still wanting to have me in their lives. I was adding value into their lives and this gave me some reason for being.

I took on photography and that allowed me to express bottled up feelings. So that fear and sadness and dread could manifest itself outside me and be inspected. I put value in those things and they are linked to me. They will continue after I die. Another reason for existing. Suffice to say the camera has been my instrument of therapy.

Look ouside yourself for things that reflect back into you. There you will also find a path out.
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